


A Good Change

by kathrinosaur



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Character Growth, F/F, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Build, tragic backstory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-04-05 07:37:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 66,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4171461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathrinosaur/pseuds/kathrinosaur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ymir and Krista meet at Ackerman's Grocery the summer before Krista begins university. While the two seem total opposites they have more in common than they realize. Together they will discover not just how to survive, but how to live. Most importantly they learn how to change for the better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Meetings

Ymir and Krista met when Levi had hired a new cashier at Ackerman’s Grocery. Ymir’d call it a small mom-and-pop store, if it wasn’t for her grouchy boss. It was more like an asshole grocery, but they had a good set of customers and the old ladies who came by seemed to find Levi’s attitude comical for some reason. It was a Wednesday at the start of summer and slow-going.

The second Krista walked in, looking shy with her hands clasped behind her back, Ymir was starstruck.  She tried to hide behind the pillar as she watched Krista talk nervously with Levi, tucking a strand of that blonde hair behind her ear. She saw Levi gesture her direction and she immediately turned around feeling a blush on her cheeks.

“Shit! The new girl’s hot,” she whispered to herself. Looking up she saw the old lady buying tuna giving her a wide eyed stare. She quickly raised an eye brow and smirked. “Not you. Blondie back there.” She jerked a thumb and finished scanning the items. “Will that be all?” she asked tersely.

The old woman paid giving Ymir a wink as Levi brought the new girl straight to her.

“Ymir I need you to train Krista today. No complaining. And Krista, don’t let Ymir give all her friends discounts again.” Levi gave Ymir a hard stare that she knew also meant _And don’t flirt with her either._ Then he turned and left. He was never a man of many words.

“You told me to be friendly, boss!” she called to his back. To which she only received a “tch.” She then turned to find Krista behind her, only now noticing how small she looked in her green polo shirt.

“Well, don’t be shy,” she said clasping her on the shoulder and bringing her next to herself. Just where she’d like her to be. “You got yourself an illustrious job now, so don’t act so scared.”

“Oh I’m not scared,” she said. Although she didn’t seemed convinced as she shrugged off Ymir’s arm and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Anyway, I’m a fast learner.” She beamed and the brightness made Ymir’s heart do a flip.

“We’ll see about that,” she smirked.

“I hope I can rise up to the challenge.” Ymir didn’t think she had ever seen anyone smile this much. She wasn’t sure that she liked it, because they made her want to smile as well. Instead she gave her usual half smile and looked down at her new co-worker.

“You can try, shortstuff.”

Krista gave a small giggle. “I see what you did there. But please don’t look down on me because of my height.”

Ymir scoffed. “There’s nowhere to look but down.” As Krista laughed, Ymir turned, using the oncoming customer as an excuse to look away. She couldn’t help the smile on her face. _Get your shit together Ymir! You can’t let every pretty smile get to you._ So, she grit her teeth and smirked like usual.

As she taught Krista how to use the register and especially how to ring up coupons (popular with their customers), Krista did as she promised. She learned very fast. She even helped Ymir with math when she got the change wrong.

After a break from customers she said, “Well, newbie, seems like you ain’t gonna need me for too long. You look fresh, but you’ve got experience.”

“Well I don’t know about that. I’ve never worked at a grocery store before. I’m sure I’ll need your help with a lot of things!”

Ymir waved that comment off. “You might need my help for the shelves,” she said putting her hand atop Krista’s hair. “But I doubt my education quite measures up to yours.” Ymir leaned against the counter so she could face Krista, her long legs crossing. “I don’t recall seeing you around. Are you a rich kid? Going off to college?”

Krista blushed slightly but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll take the silence as a yes.” Ymir felt her chances tanking. She was just a broke-ass high-school dropout working on her GED next to this pretty rich kid. This, far from making her sad, pissed her off slightly. “Well, money bags, what are you doing in a place like this?”

“I need a job to pay for college,” she said smiling, although the sweetness had dropped out of her voice.

“Oh, so mommy and daddy won’t pay for you?” Ymir enjoyed how Krista squirmed uncomfortably.

“No. I don’t…”

“But you must’ve worked before with how well you know the register,” she mused. “I’ll bet it’s been a long battle with Mommy.” She was getting a little angry just thinking about how easy it must be to have money, to be able to go to school, not that she wanted to anyway.

“Nothing like that.” Krista gave Ymir a fierce look that was very nearly angry, before she blinked and replaced the look with a small smile. “My aunt has helped me fund school, but she can’t do it alone, you know. So please, don’t make fun of me.”

“Okay, okay,” she gave up. “I won’t tease you about your money.” She didn’t really want to piss of Krista, just get a little information.

“I never said I had money.”

She laughed. “You talk like a rich kid, you know. I don’t know if you know how to be rude. Well the old ladies will love you anyway, old bitties.”

“T-that doesn’t mean I’m rich. A-and you just met me anyway.”

“Well, you’re pretty smart. You don’t get that from my neighborhood.”

“Thank you!” She smiled politely again. “I don’t think you’re rude or unintelligent.”

“Well, you just wait and see, girly,” she smirked. “But I’ll take you just the way you are I suppose. But if I can’t tease you about money, what can I tease you about?”

“Umm, you can tease me about my height. That was pretty funny.”

More customers came after that, just a few kids with random shit, and she watched Krista handle the register, her slender fingers slightly uncertain. She could hear her terribly sweet voice and knew there was a smile to match.

One they were gone, she jumped to sit on the conveyor belt and looked down at Krista.

“So…” Ymir wanted to pry more. What could she say? It was a slow day.

“So what?”

“What’s your story?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re not rich, but you get to go to school. You’re smart and pretty and working at a grocery store. What’s your story?”

“I-I am nothing special really.” Krista squirmed again. “A-and anyway, shouldn’t we be working?”

Ymir looked around. “Levi’s in his office, and no customers yet. It’s the middle of the day. It’s just you and me until Berthold gets here at 5.”

“Who’s Berthold?” Krista asked.

“A tall sweaty son-of-a-bitch. Too nice for his own good, much like you.” It was Krista’s turn to blush. “But you’re avoiding the question. Tell me about you.”

“I just graduated high school from St. Maria’s, and now I will be going to Trost University for a degree in nursing. And that’s it really.”

“That’s it? Boring story,” Ymir smirked.

“It’s not boring to me. It’s my life.” Krista smiled again. “I can’t wait to start studies up again!”

“Of course you like to study.” She took Krista’s face in her hand. “But you’d make a cute nurse, so I’ll forgive you.” She burst out laughing at how red Krista had gotten.

Then Levi finally came out of the office and made Ymir clean up the isles while he finished training Krista. Ymir wondered if she should have teased Krista less, but she couldn’t find it in herself to regret. Krista was even cuter when she stopped smiling. Although at the end of her shift, Levi called her into his office.

“Yes, captain,” she said saluting.

“I feel it is my duty to ask that you don’t mess around with Krista,” he deadpanned. Not even looking up from his pile of paperwork.

“I’m not going to bite her, I just like to ruffle her up,” she smiled. Levi arched one eyebrow as he put down his papers.

“I trust you will do as you please. And Ymir, how is everything at home?”

Ymir knew what he meant. She sighed. “I’ve been working hard, but working on the GED means I have to take some time off my other job. I’ll have the money you need next week.”

“That’s fine,” he looked back down over his paperwork. He never seemed to care how early or late Ymir made payments, so long and she made them every month. But he always asked the same convoluted way “And your studies?”

“Been better.” 

“I can come over next Thursday.”

“Do what you want.” She couldn’t lie that he tended to be a helpful teacher, and it was a nice change to have someone in the house other than her mother, but she’d never tell Levi that. He was a pain in the ass.

“Tch. Just have some tea when I get there, and for God’s sake clean up that shithole.”

“Yeah.” Ymir walked out of the door, but at the last second turned to the older man and gave a weak, “Thanks.”

                                                                                                                         *          *          *

 _21 years old and can’t do algebra. 21 years old and just working on your GED. The fuck is it good for anyway?_ These were Ymir’s thoughts as she lie on her bed, a mattress on the floor, staring at the blank ceiling of her apartment. Her mom was working an overnight while she had just got back from the bar where she worked. Her feet were sore and she smelled like beer. _Thanks, Connie. Ya fuckin’ drunk._

She heard a loud noise and looked out her window, hoping it wasn’t them. Thankfully, she saw some kids smoking out on the corner, but it wasn’t her old gang. She closed the shades again and tried to erase the memories of the bad years, but she couldn’t. The best things that happened to her were Levi and that damn store. _This is so much better._ She reminded herself.

She looked at her phone. She had one message.

  **From: Baldie**

**im home safe. still drunkdrnkdrnk**

  **To: Baldie**

**Stupid lush. You owe me. I expect muchas cervezas at the beach party. Your treat.**

 She expected him to be passed out, but he was awake for some reason.

  **From: Baldie**

**only if ur my wingman..**

**wingwoman**

**wingsperson**

  **To: Baldie**

**That’s an impossible job. Get some sleep, idiot**

  **From: Baldie**

**i luv when u call me names**

 She smiled and stared up at the ceiling again. Maybe Connie could be her wingman with the new girl at Ackerman’s. She suspected Krista was hiding something under all that sweet exterior, and she wanted to find it. Still, her smile was blinding. _This could be so good._

                                                                                                                             *          *          *

“Hey Ymir!!” Connie came rushing up to the counter with his arms full of popsicles. Followed by a certain perpetually bitchfaced Jean, who it appears was also forced to hold boxes of popsicles.

“Hey, Con, hey horseface.” Ymir teased, making Jean puff up.

“I see you’re still a perpetual bitch, good to know somethings never change.”

“What are all the popsicles for?” Ymir asked, pulling one open as she rang it up. “Practicing the perfect blowjob for my cousin?” She pulled the popsicle in and out of her mouth, running her tongue along the side. Jean turned a fun shade of red as he stammered excuses.

“For your information,” cut in Connie, who disliked being ignored. “It is hot as balls outside. The popsicles are because we don’t have any fucking A/C. And, if Jean happens to use them to practice for Marco’s perfect dick then that’s his choice!” Jean had begun to smack Connie’s arm while he giggled uncontrollably, taking the popsicle from Ymir and running around the counter moaning Marco’s name.

It was at that moment that Krista walked up, getting almost mown down by the speeding Connie. As he apologized, the popsicle still hanging out of his mouth, Ymir could tell that Krista’s smile had a stunning affect to everyone. She watched as Connie went from mumbling idiot, to complete slackjawed moron under her influence. She could already predict the ruptured text messages she would get later asking for her number. The thought of it made her stomach clench in a way she hadn’t expected.

Walking over to put an arm around the small girl, she chastised, “Connie, this is why we don’t run from horses.” She pulled the popsicle from his mouth and began sucking on it.

“Hey!” called Jean from in front of the counter.

“Hey is for horses,” mumbled Berthold the hulking giant from the next isle over.

Ymir, and Connie laughed soundly for a minute while Jean mumbled, “You’re all assholes.”

“I can’t believe _you_ said that Bert,” Ymir said while Krista once again shrugged off her arm. She looked expectantly at Ymir. “Can I do something for you?” she asked looking down at the girl.

“I wanted to ask you where the floor cleaner is. I see that you’re a bit busy. These must be your friends.” She smiled at all of them, waiting for introductions, but Ymir was stuck watching her. This earned her an elbow in the side from Connie.

“Yes!” she exclaimed. “Only the best. This is Connie, the best bald friend a girl can have, then we have horseface—”

“It’s _Jean._ ”

“ _Jeanbo_. He’s a rich kid too, you might like him. He and Con are roommates and complete slobs.”

Krista gave her a bit of a glare that made her laugh, but then turned to the two goons. “I’m sure they’re not! Anyway, it’s very nice to meet you!”

“It’s nice to meet you too _Krista_ ,” Connie said shooting her a look. “Ymir hasn’t said anything about you.”

“Well, I just started working here yesterday,” she laughed. “I’m sure she just didn’t get the chance.”

“And why would I have said anything to you?” Ymir asked. “You were too drunk to remember last night anyway. And Connie and I am gonna need you two to pay for these, boss’s orders.”

“Right.” He looked flustered as he headed to the counter.

“Krista just meet me in the back, I’ll help you out in a minute,” Ymir called.

The second she was gone Connie turned on Ymir. “Why didn’t you tell me about the cute new girl? I feel hurt and betrayed, man. Broes before hoes! I let you eat my food and drink my beer. I’ve let you into the welcoming embrace of my house and this is how you treat me?”

“Calm down, sweet tits. It’s no big deal I met her yesterday.”

“But she’s gorgeous,” Connie complained.

“She is quite pretty,” Bert added. “And nice too. I just found out she lives with one of my professors at Trost.”

“See?” whined Connie. “Even Bert thinks she’s pretty and he’s gay as the fourth of July.”

“Just cause I-I’m gay doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes.” He stood his ground, if shakily.

“Well put,” said Jean. “Although I think Ymir’s problem is that she wants her all to herself.”

“Of course that’s true,” she smirked. “But more importantly—Bert! What do you know about the new girl? She won’t tell me anything!”

Connie and Jean shared a look.

“Ymir, you do like Krista, huh?” Jean cooed.

“Shut up! Bert, what?

“Her aunt is Hanji Zoe, one of my professors. Biology.” Then Bert had to turn around and work, so Ymir was left with the blithering idiots. Practically drooling.

“Ymir. We need to have a brotalk,” came Connie. She sighed deeply. “Is or isn’t Krista off-limits? Bro to bro. Mano e mano. My hermano, if you will.”

“Yo no soy tu hermao. But, she ain’t off limits. We’re all adults here. Now go jack off to Call-of-Duty or whatever you two were planning.”

“Okay, I’ll take that as a maybe. Good talk.” As Ymir shooed them out the door Connie said, “Hey! Invite her to the beach party this weekend!”

Ymir gave it a thought. “I’ll give it a shot, but _if_ she comes, you better be on your best behavior.” Connie promised and ran out to his rusty old truck, Jean in tow.

In the back room she found Krista sitting on a box and helped her to fill the mop bucket so she could keep the boss happy with squeaky clean floors. Once back at the register, Ymir leaned on the counter and watched Krista pop out from between the aisles. Krista came near to mop the front and stopped for a moment, leaning on the mop head.

“Your friends seem nice.”

“They’re idiots,” Ymir grinned.

“But they seem to make you happy anyway,” Krista pried. “Although I don’t think you should be eating our customer’s food,” she giggled.

Ymir laughed. “A joke from you? Alright Krista, I like you.”

The blonde looked down and smiled. “That’s probably the first time, you’ve actually called me by my name.” All the other smiles meant nothing compared to what her shy smile to the floor had done to Ymir. She could feel it like an arrow to the heart.

She could only grimace, and look away from the stupidly beautiful girl. “I might not do that very often,” she said lamely.

“Then they’ll be all the more special.” Krista really shouldn’t be allowed to say things like that, Ymir decided.

 “So…Bert tells me your aunt’s a professor.”

“Y-yeah. He goes to Trost so I figured he’d know her.”

“You’ll tell Bert your secrets but not me, huh?”

“It’s not a secret! It just didn’t feel important,” she looked a little hurt. Her blue eyes looking cloudy, so Ymir put a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m just kidding, kid. Anyway, what’s she like?”

“Very kind, and…energetic. I like her a lot. She’s always got something to say. I think you’d like her.”

“Dunno. Sounds a bit annoying to me. Just like Con. Can’t get the boy to shut up.”

“But you still like him.” She stared straight into Ymir as if she could see right through her hard exterior and then smiled at whatever it was she saw. She then started mopping again.

“Hey! Do you want to come to a beach party this Saturday?” Ymir spit out.

Krista looked shocked and then frowned in concentration. “I…don’t know.”

Ymir felt disappointed. “It’d okay, you don’t have to go.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to it’s just, will there be drinking?”

“Not a big drinker, hmm? You don’t have to drink, sweetheart. And I can save you from drunk Connie even if I’m off my own ass.”

“You’ll make fun of me,” she said.

Ymir looked into Krista’s blue eyes hopefully, and earnestly crossed her heart saying, “Swear on my life. Honestly, what kind of a person do you think I am?”

“I’m not sure yet,” she said with a small smile. Ymir’s heart beat faster at that. Boy, did she want more of this girl.

“So…you’ll come?” she probed.

“I don’t know. I won’t really know anybody.”

“Well, there’ll be me, and Connie and Jean. I don’t blame you from wanting to stay away from them. Even ol’Bert is coming too—right Bert?”

“Hmm? Yeah!” Was his response.

“You-you could bring a friend if you want. Someone you’ve known longer.”

Krista bit her lip.

“You have friends right?”

Krista winced and made Ymir wish she’d been a bit more tactful.

“I do! Just…not many. I-I think I could ask someone, also I don’t have a ride.”

Ymir smiled. “Don’t worry I can get ya. But I’m gonna need your phone number.”

                                                                                                                  *          *          *

The rest of the week went by fairly smoothly as Ymir helped Krista learn her new job, and Ymir regaled her with tales of parties past which seemed to make Krista feel nervous, but she never backed out of the plans.

Saturday evening found her staring at her reflection in the body length mirror and wishing she had one decent shirt without holes. Instead she threw a Metallica shirt complete with holes on the shoulders and skinny jeans on over her one-piece black swimsuit. She put up her hair in a ponytail again and wished that she wasn’t so gangly. _Oh well, at least I’m taller than that pipsqueak._ She thought of how it felt to look down at Krista’s painfully blue eyes. Maybe one day, she’d part her pink lips and just beg for a kiss. Ymir grinned at the thought.

  **To: Blondie**

**On my way.**

 Before she left she stood in the doorway of her mom’s room and almost said goodbye. Ymir figured she’d be asleep anyway. Ymir then piled in her car and drove to find the small apartment on the Northside.

  **From: Blondie**

**I’m not ready yet!! I’m sorry, but you can come anyway!**

 She didn’t get the message until she was parked outside, hoping she was in the right spot. It was a fairly nice looking apartment for someone who had only even lived in a run-down piece of shit apartment with two rooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen. There was ivy growing on the side of the brick building. She walked under the awning and pressed the button that said Zoe and in ink “+1.”

When she was let in Krista met her at the stairs looking very unprepared. She was wearing a long sleeved sleepshirt probably two sizes too big which almost completely covered her pink sleepshorts full of little hearts (not that she was looking). As they went up two flights of stairs Krista didn’t stop apologizing for being unprepared.

When Krista and Ymir finally stepped into the room she was still saying “I don’t usually do stuff like this. I’m usually so on time, I guess you can’t help when you fall asleep. I just don’t know where the time went. Everything is okay, though, I just have to maybe put a couple of things together and—” Ymir grabbed her by the arm and put a hand over her mouth.

“It’s okay,” she laughed, taking her hands off the surprised Krista. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk so much.” While the apartment made her feel a little out of place she sat down on the couch near the window, making herself at home.

“Y-you don’t like people who talk a lot, do you?” She looked afraid. Like she’d done something bad, but Ymir just laughed.

“Apparently I keep finding them anyway! But I, uh, don’t mind when you talk.” She looked out of the window, biting her lip for saying something so lame especially so soon.

“Okay.’ Krista sat down across from her and started playing with the sleeves of her sleepshirt. “So, who’s gonna be at this party again?”

“I told you: Connie, Jean, Bert, uhh Bert’s boyfriend Reiner—you’ll like him, he’s a sweetheart. Then, my cousin Marco, you’ll love him. Of course if you see him kissing Jean let me know immediately. Those are the important people. You might see some random people like Marco’s friends Hannah and Franz probably going to get married soon, Thomas who is nice but dumb stay away from him, and Mina who probably likes Thomas—god help her.”

“Lots of couples,” Krista noted.

“Yeah, but that’s alright, you’ll have me. And your friend, so you won’t be alone.”

“No, of course not! Unless your boyfriend pulls you away,” she said quickly.

Ymir laughed. “Gay and single,” she dictated counting on her finger. “So, really you’re my best chance,” she teased, winking at Krista. Her heart was beating uncomfortably fast as she struggled to maintain her cool.

Krista looked straight into Ymir’s eyes for a moment and then cast them down. “I’m sorry. I’m not really interested in dating right now.” She spoke softly, not lifting her eyes off the floor.

“Lighten up, I wasn’t offering myself to ya, just yet,”Ymir smiled. “You’re very serious about not dating, huh?”

Krista shrugged looking out the window. “Yeah. I just.” She stopped as she tucked her knees close to her body her bangs falling into her eyes. “I figure that people are like sand. You can sift through them and try to find something special, but can’t hold on to them.”

“Very poetic, college girl.” Ymir let out a breath and smiled. She liked this Krista. It didn’t seem fake. “Well, kid, I trust you to know yourself. And really, this way, I don’t have to watch you date Connie which would be a tragedy, trust me.” She laughed, which made Krista smile a little, but then she couldn’t stop herself. “I think you’ll find that I am a much mightier kind of sand—the kind that gets stuck in your hair, on your skin, in the crack of your ass. Sorry, but I’ve taken a liking to you despite your poetry and your nice smiles. You’re stuck with me.”

Krista smiled and finally looked up at Ymir, her blue eyes shining. “As long as you don’t leave me alone at this party.”

“I invited you. I may be rude, but seriously, shortie, you judge me unfairly.”

For now, the conversation was over. Krista flew into a whirlwind of preparation and Ymir was pulled in alongside her. She had been rejected despite not actually confessing, but maybe Krista was just trying to see if Ymir would stay even if she couldn’t get exactly what she wanted. Ymir smiled. She felt up to the challenge.


	2. Summer Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krista goes to her first party, and learns new things about her relationship with Ymir.

Krista couldn’t help the way her body shook slightly, her hands clenched tightly in her lap. It wasn’t because of the rumbling car or the rather reckless way Ymir was driving. She was nervous about one or two things. First, she was nervous about the beach party. She had never been to a party before. As a matter of fact, she didn’t have many friends. She was most nervous about being surrounded by people she didn’t know. And secondly she couldn’t stop thinking about why on earth she asked Ymir if she had a boyfriend. She looked over at Ymir’s scowling face, the freckles that spattered over the bridge of her nose and on the long arms that clutched the steering wheel. Her brown eyes angry under furrowed brows.

 _Gay and Single. You’re stuck with me._ As the words replayed themselves in her head, she turned to the window blushing. She might seem angry, but Krista suspected Ymir had a soft side. _Still_ , she thought. _Dating would be a bad idea. She doesn’t need to deal with my problems. Maybe I just shouldn’t get close to her at all._ She frowned out at the cityscape passing by.

 _You’re stuck with me._ Maybe this time it would be different. This was her new life, after all. She looked over at Ymir driving her in her beaten up little white car, cursing at traffic, and cleared her negative thoughts away. Ymir was very different from people she knew. Ymir seemed scary and standoffish, but despite the distance Krista sometimes felt, she believed Ymir was good beneath it. Besides, she was hilarious.

“Take that you fucker!” she raged, honking her horn. When Krista giggled, Ymir gave her a stern look. “You may think it’s funny, newbie, but someone’s gotta tell them they’re wrong. It might as well be me.”

“You certainly are loud enough,” she whispered. But Ymir heard and scoffed.

“If you’re not loud enough, love, they go their whole lives thinking they can drive.”

“And we can’t have that.”

“No, because then I get into an accident because of their fuck up. And as a result Ymir is squashed, dead. Then what will you do? You’d have work the whole grocery store by yourself. _And_ fend off Connie Springer. No. I won’t let that happen.”

“I don’t think Connie can possibly be that bad,” Krista insisted. She saw him for such a short time, but honestly, he was behaving more politely than Ymir usually does.

“We’ll just see how drunk he gets tonight.” And then Ymir was back to obscenities. “Speaking of the Con-man. Can you text him and tell him to bring the booze he promised me?”

“Sure,” said Krista as Ymir handed her phone off. She searched through the recent messages and found many names that she didn’t recognize. At the top was Blondie, she smiled as she thought about the many nicknames she was called. She wasn’t sure Ymir had ever used Blondie though. Then there was Horseface, Sweaty-Prince, and Beefcakes. She guessed the name she was looking for was Baldie.

“Why do you use weird nicknames for your contacts?” she asked while composing the text.

  **To: Baldie**

**Can you please bring the alcohol you promised?**

 “That’s how I remember people. I guess I figure you gotta earn your name. Sometimes you earn a nickname and it’s just as good, maybe better.”

“Do you not like people’s given names?” Krista remembered how infrequently she had used her name up to this point. She felt Ymir’s phone buzz as Ymir seemed to ponder her question.

After a pause, she smirked at Krista. “When you’re name’s Ymir Stephania Rodriguez, you tell me how you feel.”

Krista laughed heartily. “They don’t seem to match each other, do they?”

“My mom’s fucking crazy. Ymir’s a bitch-ass name, but it made me tough, so I earned my name. I ain’t ever going by anything else.”

“H-how could I earn my name?” Krista stuttered. Ymir put her arm behind Krista’s seat and stared at her for a moment. They were at a stoplight. Krista felt like Ymir saw through her mask. She wanted to look away, but she couldn’t. She was stuck under those relentless brown eyes. Until Ymir clucked and broke away.

“Dunno, blondie, Krista doesn’t suit you. Maybe if you prove you’re really as sweet as you look,” she added with a wink.

That wink really set Krista on edge. She couldn’t help but snap, “But _Blondie_ is not much better.”

This earned a deep chuckle form Ymir. “You’re just proving me right about _Krista_.”

Krista glared at Ymir for a moment, and looked down at Ymir’s phone. Her heart was racing. _Does Ymir know my real name?_ She glanced up at the angry brunette, but she was concentrating on driving. _She couldn’t possibly._ So, she cleared her thoughts and tried to be cheerful again.

  **From: Baldie**

**yeah, yeah. i got da booz.**

  **To: Baldie**

**Thank you very much!!**

  **From: Baldie**

**who dis? its too nice ot be ymir**

 Krista laughed and told Ymir what Connie had wrote. Ymir snatched the phone from Krista and started furiously typing.

“Ymir! Watch the road!” Krista begged.

“I’m watching, I’m watching,” she said, intermittently looking at her phone. “See? All done.” She threw the phone back at Krista just as they entered the parking lot. She looked down at the less than polite conversation.

  **To: Baldie**

**The fuck is your problem huh? I’m the nicest person you know, you little fuck.**

  **From: Baldie**

**luv u too Ymir <3**

  **To: Baldie**

**Fuk off**

**Better have my booze**

  **From: Baldie**

**u know it! gonna get smashed!!**

**hey is Krista w/u?**

“You answer the guy,” Ymir commanded. “I gotta get the shit outta my car.”

Krista stepped out of the screaming metal death trap and into the fresh air, but somehow, she had felt safer in the car. Here she could see a large crowd of people already gathered in the sand. The sun was setting, and they were all gathered around a large fire. She took a deep breath to steel herself, and put on her smile again.

**To: Baldie**

**Yes! I am here. I hope we can have fun tonight! :)** **  
**

She wasn’t sure it was the best thing to send him, especially if he liked her, but she liked to be hopeful. Anyway, she thought she ought to text her friend, so she went to give Ymir her phone and found her carrying a large keg.

“I was going to give your phone back, but…do you need any help?” Ymir may have been tall, but Krista could see she was skinny. How could she lift it?

“No, love. Hey just pop the phone in my back pocket and close the trunk then let’s go!” Ymir gave a smirk as she turned around and stuck her butt out for Krista.

Krista couldn’t help but blush as she slid the phone in, trying not to look at the way Ymir’s shirt had ridden up revealing a strip of brown skin. She then shut the trunk and took out her own phone not looking at Ymir.

**To: Annie**

**Are you here yet? I just got here.**

**From: Annie**

**At the fire with Reiner.**

Krista had known Annie for four years now, but their acquaintance was mostly convenient. Annie and her had taken the same classes, even had opted to spend their last year of high school taking general classes at a community university. She liked to study with Annie because she was very efficient, but Annie wasn’t much of a talker. They both kept their personal business to themselves. So, she was very surprised to hear that Annie knew one of the people Ymir was friends with.

She looked up and saw Annie giving a small wave with her usual disinterested expression. She was wearing a Trost sweatshirt and holding a red solo cup, in front of her was a hulking blonde guy that made Krista feel a little uneasy.

“I brought the party,” Ymir called as she set down the keg.

There was a cheer from the crowd over which Connie shouted, “Better not be the usual piss!” Ymir gave him the finger, as she joined Krista.

“Is your friend here, short stuff? You should find her so you stop looking so fresh out of the water.” She nudged her a bit, which shook Krista from her spot.

“You’re right,” she smiled up at Ymir. “I shouldn’t be so scared, they’re just your friends.” She grabbed Ymir by the wrist and dragged her over to Annie. She and Reiner seemed to be talking about the oncoming semester. “Hello, Annie!”

Annie nodded at her, smiling slightly. “Good to see you, Krista. I didn’t know you were friends with Ymir,” she said flatly, looking up at Ymir as if bored already.

“Yes! I met her at my new job.” Krista explained cheerfully.

“Ah.” She gave Ymir a slight nod and turned to face Krista, as Reiner began to tease Ymir about her choice of beer. “What happened to your job at the university?” Annie asked.

“I, uhh, you know Hanji. She thought she had a job for me, but really Moblit could handle the whole thing, and I was just a burden to him, so I got a new job.”

“Hanji has always been disorganized. I hope she will shape up for our classes,” she sighed.

“She really does try her hardest, and many students really like working with her!” Krista laughed. “You’re still pre-med right?”

Annie nodded. “It’s in my best interest.”

“I think you’re going to do a great job! You’ve always been so smart.” Annie always beat her on every test, even though they studied the same things. It seemed knowledge came easy to her, which made it hard for her to teach others. In study groups she just hoped being around Annie would help her soak in knowledge.

“Thanks.”

After a silence, Ymir wrapped her arm around Krista’s shoulders and brought her into her discussion. “That’s why the little newbie is gonna need to stick around!”

She felt the weight of Ymir’s arm and once again felt greatly uncomfortable. She shrugged it off, wishing for her own space. “What, Ymir?” she asked sweetly. “I think I missed something.”

“I was just saying that you’re the only one who can scrub the floors to Levi’s liking. Every time I do it, he makes me do it over,” she sighed.

“I just do my best job!” She smiled at Reiner, who looked a little dumbstruck before giving a hearty laugh which scared Krista.

“Berthold was right! She is a little angel!” He looked at Ymir with a wink. “Don’t try anything.” Then turning to Krista he warned, “She’s our resident flirt. Let me know if she tries anything. If anyone can keep her in line, it’s me.”

“Honestly, Reiner, you think I could corrupt this cute little girl? And anyway, you’re a big softie,” she chastised, punching him in the arm. Krista blushed a bit wondering if Ymir ever would try something. She did flirt quite a bit. _You’re stuck with me._ She smiled thinking of how determined Ymir was.

“I don’t think you have to worry about anything,” she cheered. “Ymir’s a good person, really.”

Reiner, Annie, and Ymir began to laugh. Krista just looked on in confusion, had she said the wrong thing.

Wiping tears from her eyes Ymir said, “See, she’s a keeper. A precious dove.”

“Krista has always been hopeful,” Annie added.

“I like you, Krista,” Reiner said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“T-thank you! But I don’t know what I said.” How bad was Ymir?

“It’s just that Ymir’s got a thing for innocent girls.”

“I’ve got a thing for _girls_ , Reiner, we can’t all want a throbbing dick in our asses. I can tell you what my problem is.” She motioned for Reiner to come closer. As he did, she pulled on his nose. “I don’t take no one’s bullshit. And I like teasing. Innocent girls just are easy to tease. That’s who I am.”

Reiner laughed, holding his nose.

“She’s right, Reiner. I’ve never had a problem with Ymir. Expect for her taste in beer,” Annie intoned.

And once again the conversation was on Ymir and her taste in alcohol. Krista’s heart was beating fast wondering what she’d gotten herself into. Maybe Ymir was just using her.

When Ymir went to fill up everyone’s drinks, she asked, “So, how do you all know each other?”

Reiner boomed, “Annie, Bert, and I grew up together. I guess you’d call us inseparable. The Three Musketeers,” he sang, slinging his arm around Annie. She gave a small smile which looked very pretty on her otherwise stern face.

 “I couldn’t get them to leave me alone after my father and I moved.” The smile lingered on her lips.

“It’s ‘cause we love her grumpy face!” Reiner teased. Krista liked the way Reiner acted like a big brother to Annie. She had never seen Annie so happy, and she was beginning to warm up to Reiner. Still, she was curious how they had come to know Ymir.

“H-how about Ymir?” she asked nervously.

“Ymir was working at Levi’s when Bert started two years ago. I guess she’s been there for a while. She can be a bit crude, but she’s fun to have around.” He looked around nervously for a moment and then pulled Krista close. “I suspect she’s got a dark past. She’s one of Levi’s community projects. He used to be a gangster of some sort, and now he helps kids get back on their feet.”

“Reiner, that’s none of our business,” Annie chastised. “It’s not as if we come from brilliant homes.”

“Ahh,” he said putting one hand behind his head as if embarrassed. “You’re right, you’re right. Sorry Krista. I don’t mean to worry you. She isn’t harmful, just troubled.”

“Like you said, we’ve all got a bit of trouble.” She smiled nicely, but she didn’t feel it in her heart. She felt sad for Ymir. “Anyway, I’m glad we can all be friends like this!” She wanted to change the pace of the conversation before her mind got stuck in darker places.

“Of course! You said you were going to Trost this year right? Well, Bert and I can show you around. We’re Juniors this year, but don’t let that intimidate you!”

“I’m not intimidated by you! The only thing scary about school is how tough the nursing program is going to be!” She also knew that she was terrified of not making any friends and being all alone, but she didn’t say these things.

“Hey! I’m a nursing major too! I can definitely take you under my wing,” he winked. Krista was glad to speak with someone who had expertise in her program. When she ran out of questions, it seemed Annie had a few questions about the campus that she hadn’t already had answered, and Krista stopped listening. She was looking around for Ymir. It had been too long. Across the fire, she saw that Ymir was being pulled on by a bouncing Connie. She excused herself and walked over.

“Hello!” She said waving at Connie. “Ymir, I thought you were getting drinks.”

“Ahhhh, did you decide you want some, shortstuff?” She winked.

“I, uh, think so,” Krista decided. She was nervous, but wanted to try.

“Alright, but you’re going to take it slow.” When Krista nodded, she jerked her thumb at the now calm Connie. “Sorry about being late, got held up by this id—” Connie elbowed her in the stomach. At little out of breath she mumbled “ _handsome gentleman._ Let me go get those drinks.”

“So, Krista, are you having fun yet?” He put a hand behind his shaven head and smiled.

“I am! I found out that my friend Annie is actually very close with Reiner and Berthold. They’re all going to Trost with me this year.”

“Ahh, it’s too bad you’re not going to Trost Tech, That’s where I’ll be.”

“Oh? What are you going for?” Krista tried to listen as Connie spoke, but found that she was much more interested in looking for Ymir. She was filling the drinks with the same angry look of concentration she used when things weren’t going her way. Krista stifled a giggle. Which Connie thought was at something he said because he smiled wide.

“Hey, after you finish your drink did you wanna come swimming? We were waiting until the sun went down anyway,” he asked expectantly.

“Of course! I love to swim!”

“Great! Ymir! Ymir! You’re swimming with us, right?” He called.

She slapped a drink in his hand and crabbed, “First I get you a drink, then it’s swimming. It’s a constant line of demands with you.”

“That’s a yes right?”

She smirked. “Someone’s gotta kick your ass swimming to the Jesus Rock.”

“What’s that?” Krista asked.

“It’s a rock so close to the surface of the water that when you step on it it looks like you’re walking on water!” Connie gushed. “It makes you feel like a god!”

“Yeah, yeah. If you’re a god, we’re all doomed.” Ymir sliding a drink into Krista’s hand saying, “C’mon and take a sip of this, if you’re so brave.”

“Okay.” She was hesitant, but took a big sip of the incredibly bitter liquid. Ymir laughed deeply at the face she was sure she made.

“The trick is to drink enough of them to be able to stop tasting it,” Connie suggested.

“That’s sounds like a terrible idea. It could get me into trouble.” She looked up at Ymir and couldn’t help to blurt out, “At least if everyone’s estimation of _you_ is right.”

Ymir’s eyes darkened a bit she looked equal parts angry and sad. “What’ve they been saying?” It honestly terrified Krista. Her heart was beating as she swallowed not wanting to sell anyone out.

“Probably that you’re a useless lesbian, who can’t stop insulting all the pretty girls,” Connie joked, play punching Ymir in the gut. She immediately lightened up. Krista was taken aback by how quickly Ymir’s anger came and went.

“Well, if a girl can’t put up with a little tease, she can fuck off!” She laughed.

“I’m just saying, girls don’t like someone who’s a rude as you are. Do they, Krista?”

“I think someone will,” she answered weakly. She blushed a bit, and caught Ymir looking at her sideways with a grin.

“I think they’re wrong. I think we oughta teach Ymir to swear less. Every time she swears, we all drink!” Ymir was lucky to have someone as light hearted as Connie to keep her laughing.

“Oh, fuck off.” She replied, taking a drink with a wink.

It didn’t take the three of them long to finish their drinks with how many times Ymir swore. Soon, Krista was feeling a little light headed, but not terrible as Connie and Ymir ran to the water, striping their clothes off. Knowing she couldn’t keep up, Krista decided to stay at the shoreline. She sat down on the sand as she watched their silhouettes swim further away until they were standing on the rock raising their arms in victory. She gave a cheer for them, and then sat quietly as they pushed each other off in to the water. She smiled, thinking that this Ymir couldn’t be as bad as Reiner had suggested. No, he was wrong.

“H-hey,” came a familiar voice from behind her. Lurking over her was the endlessly tall Berthold. “C-can I join you?” She nodded and he stretched out his long legs beside her, his face looking out wistfully over the water, slightly pale in the moonlight. “Annie told me Reiner said something rude to you about Ymir.”

“No, no!” She defended. “I’m sure he was just trying to look out for me. It seems—” she blushed, “It seems that Ymir might like me. Which could be dangerous for me.” She smiled as she remembered Ymir’s _You’re stuck with me._

“Not dangerous. Just complicated,” he insisted. “I haven’t known Ymir that long, but from what I can tell, she’s loyal to those who matter.” He looked over to Krista with a tentative smile. “Maybe I’ve said too much! I’m not trying to interfere with you two or anything! I’m sorry!”

“No. Thanks, Berthold,” she said quietly but genuinely. “But I would like it if people stopped talking about _us_. I think you’ll understand when I say, there isn’t an _us_. I’m not sure why people think it’s inevitable.” She looked over at him, thinking about how Ymir always seemed so confident, so above everything. Yet, Krista could tell she genuinely cared about her friends, and could be ruled with gentle guidance like Connie had. She smiled and said, “I can hold my own against someone like Ymir.”

Berthold smiled knowingly at that. “Good. Anyway, what are we doing on the sand? Let me introduce you to the rest of the gang.”

As they walked away from the shore she could hear Ymir shouting in the distance, “You better be taking proper care of my underling, Bert or I’ll—” There was a splash as Connie dunked her into the water.

“Better go before they catch us,” he smiled.

Still, while Berthold introduced her to Mina and Thomas who were very sweet, Ymir came up behind her and picked her up in both arms insisting that Ymir was the only one who could take care of Krista. Krista demanded to be let down, and Ymir only apologized with another horrible beer. Because she was now slightly damp, she decided to go swimming after her beer, and was joined by Ymir, Marco and Jean.

She laughed and wrestled with Ymir. Honestly, she couldn’t ever remember having this much fun. Marco was almost as playful as Ymir, but I seems he was much nicer. Still, he didn’t back down when Ymir insisted they play chicken. Krista, never very violent, of course, lost. When they finally got out of the water they sat down on a log by the fire to dry off. Ymir had several more drinks, while Krista had refused.

Over the sound of Thomas laying his guitar and singing, Jean mumbled, “I hate that guy. He’s the asshole who has to bring the guitar.”

“Jean! There’s nothing wrong with a little music,” Marco insisted.

“Just maybe my eardrums.” Marco shot him a look, and he lamely responded with a “He’s just doing it for the attention.”

“I kinda like it,” Krista said wistfully. “It’s how I always thought a bonfire would be.”

“But you like everything, blondie,” Ymir said, ruffling her hair.

“I do not!” Krista insisted. “I’m just going to like everything about tonight because it’s my first party.”

“Well then you just don’t know how much _Thomas_ is ruining your first party, with his obnoxious side-burns and tone-deafness,” Jean insisted.

As Marco complained again Ymir spoke up, “Hey Marco, didn’t you and Thomas have a thing a while back?” Ymir turned and wiggled her eyebrows at Krista.

“I thought you said Jean and Marco were a thing,” Krista whispered in her ear.

“They are, they just don’t know it yet. Just watch,” Ymir whispered back, smirking and her hand lingered on Krista’s face. She dropped it down around Krista to lean on the log behind her. Krista turned to find Ymir’s face very close to hers, her lips only inches from her brown freckled skin. But Ymir was watching Marco blush.

“Y-yeah we were a thing, Ymir, but I don’t like Thomas that way. Besides, I-I like someone else now,” he stuttered. He couldn’t look Jean in the eye. Jean, himself, was wide-eyed.

“Who is it?” He asked.

“I don’t think I can tell you,” Marco said.

“Why not?”

“It’s personal, Jean,” Marco snipped. The red now reaching an alarming peak.

“Oh, so you think I can’t handle it.” Jean looked disheartened. “I just, thought we were close is all.”

“We are. Just trust me, I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”

“Ah for fuck’s sake, boo!” cried Ymir, throwing her empty solo cup at the two of them. “You two are the dimmest fuckers.”

“Ymir!” was all Marco said, but Jean had one or two words about Ymir’s behavior and general character that had Marco opting to remove Jean to go sit on the other side of the fire.

Ymir settled down onto the sand “Now that my ass is dry,” she said. She patted the ground beside her for Krista to join. They were the only two on the log. A few people had wandered home already, but the fire was still roaring as Thomas started playing “Wonderwall.”

Ymir stuck out her tongue, whether at the song, or Jean and Marco Krista didn’t know.

“Those two are never going to get together I swear. Even though they’re both mad about each other. It’s sad really,” she said looking up at the stars.

“Maybe you shouldn’t mettle. Maybe you should just let it happen when it will. Isn’t it more romantic that way?” Krista suggested. She had felt embarrassed about the way the two of them danced around the issue, but sometimes that was easier than admitting weakness.

“Didn’t take you for a romantic, Miss Grains-of-sand.” Ymir looked back down into Krista’s eyes with that playful grin.

“You like me, don’t you?” Krista asked.

Ymir started and Krista grinned with a little victory. Then Ymir groaned and looked up again with a small chuckle she said, “At least the two of us are blunt, huh?” She rolled her head over to Krista. “Tell me, dear. What makes you think I like you?”

“Well,” started Krista, but she needed to take a moment. She stared down at her hands and then at the fire. It was kind of embarrassing to talk about bluntly. But, she figured it was better if they got everything out in the open. She sighed and began. “You’re always flirting with me, and don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you like to throw your arm on me, tonight you were determined to keep me with you, and well…” she blushed. “Not many people tell you they’re going to stick around no matter what.”

Ymir’s head rolled back in laughter. “I suppose not. But where’s the girl who always acts so cheerful and innocent?” She was searching through Krista’s eyes as if to find her. Krista froze. She didn’t really want Ymir do see all of her, she didn’t want anyone to. Ymir narrowed her eyes and said, “ _You’re_ smart, and cautious.” As Ymir continued her search, a little voice inside her asked _Would it be so bad?_ She looked away from the intense stare and then frowned back at her.

“ _You_ haven’t answered the question.”

“No, I haven’t. Because apparently you want to get down to the nitty gritties right now when I am painfully buzzed,” she giggled. Then she silently stared at the stars for a moment. Just when Krista thought it was all the answer she was going to get, Ymir began to speak in a voice that was no longer teasing. “I think I’d like to keep you around, Krista. Do I like you? Yeah. But in what way? Well…hell yeah, I think you’re cute, but I think I want you in a different way.” She stared deeply into Krista’s eyes, looking for once in all the time she’d know Ymir…gentle. “I’d like to know all of you. And I’m smart enough to not let my feelings get in the way. I believe you’ve gotta go after what you want in this life, but I ain’t gonna fuck up this time. So, know that I like you, but feel free to smack me if I mess things up.”

Krista was staring at her with wide eyes. She couldn’t believe what Ymir was saying. It was so genuine that she felt tears welling up. She couldn’t think of the last time anyone just genuinely was interested in her.

“Hey, hey,” Ymir cooed, putting a hand on the back of Krista’s head and pulling her into a hug. “I mean, I wouldn’t say no if you offered,” she joked causing a laugh to rip through Krista. She stayed in the hug for a moment and then wiped the few tears as she pulled away.

“I’m not offering,” she said smiling gently.

“But you’d still like me to stick around?” she pried, raising an eyebrow.

Krista nodded. She’d really like Ymir to stick around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you laughed about Mr. Sideburns himself, Thomas Wagner, singing "Wonderwall" around a campfire, but I did. Also Ymir writes herself. I really do love writing her because she's so forward and crass. I think we all could use a little Ymir.


	3. Moving Past My Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Ymir gets closer to Krista she can't help but feel unworthy. Her past is sordid and Krista is perfection. Still, Ymir won't let anything stop her from being free, from living the life she wants.

Ymir woke up with a start. There was a loud crash from the other room. As she rubbed her eyes, wishing she didn’t have such a goddamned headache, she realized she had no idea where she was.

“Shit,” she whispered, opening her eyes to take stock of the room. She was in a soft, fluffy bed with warm light coming in from a window with white frilly curtains. She narrowed her eyes and took in the white laced sheets and abundance of stuffed animals. “How the fuck did I end up at shortstuff’s place?” She put her palms on her eyes trying to remember.

She could clearly recall telling Krista she liked her, but that she didn’t just want to have sex with her. “Fucking cheese ball, you are. Ugh, if she takes advantage of me drunk again, I swear…”she mumbled to herself. “Well maybe she _did_ take advantage of me,” she smirked. Although she knew better.

So, she rolled over and tried to pretend she was dead. Her head was throbbing. She thought she remembered giving Krista her keys, but she didn’t remember this little sleepover as part of the deal. As she tried to fall asleep again, she heard soft footsteps padding across the floor.

Krista sat on the bed and began lightly rubbing her back. “Ymir,” she cooed. “It’s time to get up.” Ymir liked the sound of her voice in the morning, but she wasn’t ready to get up.

“It ain’t time to be alive yet, sweetheart” she grumbled.

“Well, it’s noon, and my aunt is, uh, cooking. She’d really like to meet you.”

Ymir rolled over to glare at her. “Tell her she can wait.” And she pulled the sheets over her eyes again.

“There’s breakfast in it for you if you get up,” she bribed.

“From the sounds of it your aunt’s a terrible cook anyway,” Ymir groaned. She noticed that Krista didn’t say anything. Her aunt was probably was pretty bad if Krista couldn’t even lie. She put her hands over her temples to rub the pain away.

“How about an Advil, then?” Krista asked, gently patting the top of Ymir’s head.

“Baby, I’d kill for an Advil.”

“No need,” Krista grinned, pulling the covers off Ymir. She stood up and took Ymir’s hand. “Come on! To the kitchen!”

“You know I’d do anything for that smile,” she teased, sitting up slowly. Her head was so groggy, and she didn’t even feel like opening her eyes. She placed her hands on her thighs to lever herself up and noticed she wasn’t wearing any pants. She opened her eyes to find she was still in her swimsuit and tee-shirt, but no pants. “You _did_ take advantage of me last night!” she exclaimed, laughing. “I knew you were bluffing.”

Krista flushed. “I did _not_!” But Ymir was laughing too hard to care. Krista was cute when flustered.

“So you like me too, eh? Can’t believe the innocent wiped away so fast.” Realistically, Ymir knew nothing likely happened, but she couldn’t help but carry on joking.

“You took your pants off yourself when I had my back turned!” she insisted. “I didn’t do anything I swear!”

Ymir laughed again thinking that it _was_ more likely she had taken them off in a drunken fit. She hated sleeping with her pants on. As a result Connie had seen her naked more times than either of them wanted. So, she decided to let up. “Alright, I believe you.”

“Thank you.” She looked up at the pouting blonde with a grin.

“So if you didn’t seduce me, what am I doing in this soft, fluffy bed?” She stretched her legs around Krista’s legs which the small girl quickly backed out of.

“You were pretty drunk last night so I had to drive myself and since I don’t know where you live, I brought you here, and now you really should come out and meet my aunt,” she said happily. She grabbed Ymir by the wrist again and dragged her into the kitchen, which was…smoking.

“Jesus Christ! You’re going to burn down the building!” Ymir stood aghast as Krista swept in and put cookie sheets over the flaming pans on the stove and turned off the burners. She hadn’t even batted an eyelash. Next to the stove with her hair in a messy ponytail, laughing manically must be the figure of Krista’s aunt. She was wearing a grubby tee-shirt that said “Scientist get shit done,” and sweatpants with holes in the knees. Ymir narrowed her eyes wondering what the hell kinda situation she had gotten herself into.

“Aunt Hanji, were you paying attention this time?” She chastised sweetly.

“Ah, Krista, I-I just found my place in this book and I looked and I was burning everything, but then…”she turned around the room, a crazy glint of joy in her eyes as her glasses caught the light. She squealed delightfully, “THE FIRE!” She grabbed Krista by the shoulders and started a rant about how beautiful it looked and how she didn’t want to disturb it. Krista just patted her on the head saying “That’s great Aunty.”

Ymir started to laugh as she sat down on a stool near the counter.

“And you must be Ymir,” Hanji gushed, rushing over to shake her hand. “Krista tells me you got her to go to a party. I haven’t been to one of those in years. Ah! The other professors stopped inviting me when I started taking notes about how much alcohol they consumed and how fast it worked on their bodies. Tell me? Do you think your friends would mind if I asked them a few questions?” Hanji looked at her expectantly while Ymir just raised a brow and chuckled. Her head was pounding and she was talking with a crazy lady, but she felt strongly attached to this madwoman.

“Maybe if there was something in it for ‘em,” she suggested.

“No,” Krista insisted before Hanji could comment. “Aunt Hanji you have more projects on your plate than you can handle. Why don’t you tell Ymir about the rats while _I_ make us breakfast?”

Hanji had a mischievous glow to her eyes as she moved to take a seat next to Ymir.

“Hold on,” said Ymir, holding up a finger to Hanji while extending her hand to Krista. “Before I’ll baby-sit your aunt, I was promised an Advil.” Hanji pouted insisting that she was perfectly good company.

“Ymir’s a bit of a joker, Aunty,” Krista smiled, placing a pill in Ymir’s hand.

“Joker, my ass,” she said to Hanji, and proceeded to swallow the pill dry. “You’re a bit nuts, but I’ll listen to you talk about your rats.”

Hanji squealed with delight launching into a tirade about diseases and social functioning in rats, while Ymir pretended to listen. Really, she was keeping an eye on Krista who was smiling to herself as she cleared off the burned food and began cracking eggs, frying up some ham, and putting down toast. Once, Krista looked up and smiled at Ymir, pushing her hair back behind her ear. Ymir sighed as she looked back at the ranting professor. Only to find her smiling right back in her face.

“You know, Krista hasn’t brought many friends home before. I wonder if you’ll be over more often,” she pondered. “I could teach you lots of stuff about my work then.” She looked off into the distance like she was raptured by her own world.

“Come to the table you two,” Krista welcomed. She set down the food and sat down on one side. Ymir took the spot across from her facing the window. From her angle it looked like Krista could have had a halo, but she cast that thought aside as Hanji sat down, gushing about the food.

“Ah, Krista, it’s perfect! What would I do without you?” she ruffled Krista’s hair like she’d reward a good puppy as Krista smiled at her.

“You’d just order take-out like you used to do, Hanji.” When Hanji tried to speak with her mouth full of food Krista added, “My aunt _can_ cook, you know. Only if she can treat the meal like an experiment, but even then sometimes it goes wrong…like today. But it’s never dull around here!” Krista chucked gently.

 _No, I suppose not,_ Ymir thought as she started to eat. Hanji talked through most of the meal, Krista added comments or correcting stories as if she was the mother to a large child.

“I hate to say it,” Ymir said, glancing at her watch, “but I have to go. I’ve got to work Ackerman’s at 3, and I really badly need a shower and some pants.”

“But that’s too bad, I haven’t finished telling you about my work,” Hanji pouted. “Krista you’ll have to invite her back over again!”

“I will, I will,” said Krista, slightly pushing Ymir into her room while Hanji attempted to follow. Krista turned to her suddenly and asked, “Aunt Hanji, have you watered your plants yet today?”

“Oh no I need to see my babies!” she exclaimed, rushing around the house to grab a few papers and then headed out the door.

“She has some plants on the roof that…well I don’t quite know what she’s doing with them,” Krista laughed. “But anyway, she’ll be up there a while.”

“Trying to get me alone while I’m pantless, huh?” Ymir leaned against the doorframe, looking down at Krista.

“No!” She gazed fiercely back at Ymir, then smiled gently adding, “I just know my aunt can be a handful.”

“Now that’s an understatement. You’re aunt’s a disaster. But I like her drive!” Ymir smiled. “Although, you ask me to watch her again and I _will_ expect payment.”

“I-I don’t”

“I’m cheap. Just keep feeding me, and maybe I’ll stick around.” Ymir reached for her pants on the floor and slid them on. Krista moved to sit on her bed and began playing with the lace between her two fingers. “Hey,” Ymir said, pushing Krisa’s chin to meet her eyes. “Did you at least have a good time last night?”

“Oh yes!” She smiled, blue eyes sparkling. “I really liked hanging out with your friends and that bonfire was huge! I don’t think I really drank enough to keep up with you, but apparently that was a good thing. I don’t know how else you would have gotten home.”

‘I’d’ve been fine. I usually crash at Connie’s after a party anyway. This was a much better way to wake up,” she added, thinking about Connie’s heavy snoring and lumpy futon which they had to share. “Where’d you sleep, shortstuff?”

“On the couch,” she smiled. “I-it’s more comfortable than it looks.”

“So you gave the drunk your bed? Next time just leave me on the floor. You don’t have to be so nice all the time.” Krista gave Ymir a look she couldn’t quite pinpoint somewhere between sadness and cynicism. “Anyway, I’m off.”

As she stepped out of the apartment Krista called out to her and she turned.

Krista blushed and said, “Thanks, Ymir.” Then Ymir was left in the wake of a beautifully genuine smile as Krista closed the door.

_Ah fuck._

                                                                                         *          *          *

Ymir’s life was always on the go. She rarely had a night off, except some weekends and even then she filled her time up with friends, pizza, and beer. She didn’t like to be still and she couldn’t afford to be either. This week was no exception.

She had only managed to see Krista at work where Krista mostly kept busy. They could only talk during the slow periods when Krista would stand by Ymir and sometimes Berthold and try to stave off boredom. Ymir enjoyed those times the most. Krista would listen to her and Bert’s wild stories or she would talk about what her aunt had been up to, her oncoming college education, and all that. Then after an 8 hour shift, they would part ways and Ymir would rush off for food and maybe sleep before heading to the bar to work.

Tuesdays and Thursdays were special. These days she went to the local community college in the evening for a terribly long, boring GED class that she had a hard time staying awake in. Still, these nights she wasn’t out until and ungodly hour and could usually spend some time at Connie’s place afterwards and he’d let her crash there. This Thursday though, she would have to stay home.

Nearing the end of her shift at Ackerman’s she let out a big sigh as she leaned over the counter, head in her hand. It wasn’t like Levi had never come over to her house before—there was a time when he was over weekly, just checking up on her or talking to her mother. No, she was more upset about once again being around the house with her mother and Levi. Usually Laura would leave Ymir alone, but when Levi came over, she wanted to seem like a good mom or something. Things were still awkward between them and Ymir wanted to avoid these moments. She sighed deeply again trying to come up with excuses why she couldn’t meet today.

“Are you okay, Ymir?” Came the concerned voice of Krista from in front of her. Ymir stiffened up defensively. She didn’t want to tell Krista about her life just yet.

“I’m fine. Shouldn’t you be mopping or something?” she snapped, more harshly than she wanted.

“No I’m…all done,” Krista mumbled looking defeated.

That look that made Ymir want to take back her words. She groaned. “Then come mope with me, blondie,” she smirked, leaning her cheek in her palm again and looking out over the check-out aisles.

Krista smiled slightly and asked, “Well what are you moping about then?”

“Nothing serious,” she answered quietly. No way was she going to admit to a pretty college girl that she was a high-school drop-out who was struggling with her GED classes and needed help from her boss.

“She’s probably just bummed out about class,” Berthold offered. Ymir shot him a glance that made sweat appear on his temples. “I-I mean, she might just be…I don’t know. Sorry I—” Berthold cut himself off and turned around pretending to hear a customer.

“What class?” Krista asked brightly. “I didn’t know you were going to school. What are you going for?”

Ymir glared at the back of Bert’s head just hoping he could feel her wrath even though he was pretending to be busy. And, judging by the redness of his neck, she felt largely successful. Still, she tuned to look at the cheerful Krista.

“Well, college girl, I’m finally getting my GED ‘cause I ain’t smart like the rest of you rich kids,” she bit glaring at the both of them before turning herself around to lean her back on the counter.

“Ymir!” was all Krista could spit out.

 _Well fuck it,_ Ymir thought. _It’s not like I could have pretended to be smart around her anyway._

She sighed again and heard Krista insist in a quiet voice, “You know that isn’t true.”

“Yeah, yeah” she admitted. “I know you aren’t rich. But you sure got lucky enough.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Ymir turned around to find Krista looking at her with mild irritation. “You’re not stupid, Ymir.” Krista’s clear blue eyes held her captive for a moment making her feel warm in a way she hadn’t in years. Still, she shook off the feeling.

“I’m not like you, Krista,” she quietly raged. How could Krista understand that not everything was good and wonderful that not everyone just got to go to good schools and go on to college? And who was Ymir compared to Krista? She quickly stopped her train of thought and shook off her angry envy. Smirking, she teased, “You actually _like_ books and school. I chose a life free from them.”

“That doesn’t make you stupid,” Krista insisted. “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I’m just being honest with myself.”

“I can’t believe that you really think you’re stupid. What happened to all your confidence?” Krista seemed genuinely concerned.

“I didn’t say I was dumb,” Ymir smiled. “You said that. I only said I lack what you college students have—not just in terms of money.”

“I-I suppose I did take that too far,” she blushed. “I guess, I just wish you could see how clever you are. I’m sorry.” She looked down at her shoes as she added, “You’ve got a lot of smarts I don’t have and I want you to know.”

Ymir blushed and smiled wider unconsciously. Once again she turned away from Krista. All her gooey cheerfulness was rubbing off on Ymir, and she didn’t know what to do so she quipped, “You’re not my mother, you know. You don’t have to take care of me. I can do that by myself.”

“I don’t think you should have to,” Krista mumbled. Looking at the conveyor belt.

Ymir laughed and ruffled Krista’s hair. “Oh, just marry me already!”

As Krista stuttered out incredulously, Ymir laughed deeply. She liked that Krista wanted to take care of her. She liked it a whole lot.

                                                                                          *          *          *

Telling Krista about her class didn’t make sitting through it any easier. When she went, she couldn’t help but think back to her high school classes, at least, the ones she had attended. Still, this was her life now and if she was going to make something of herself, she at least needed to get her GED. So, she chugged a Redbull and tried to pay attention. It didn’t help her focus that in the middle of a history lesson she got a text message from Krista.

**From: Blondie**

**I meant to tell you earlier, but I can’t believe you used my name again, even if you were angry at me.**

She thought back, and remembered distinctly the feeling of being so unworthy of Krista that yes, she had been angry, but mostly she was disappointed in herself. Here she was, making up for lost time and bad decisions and that shortie had so much good ahead of her. What did she have? She sighed.

**To Blondie:**

**I could never be angry at you, beautiful. ;)**

Maybe Ymir would never deserve Krista, but that doesn’t mean she couldn’t have her. _Well, you’ve got to work for the things you want,_ she thought. She was just selfish enough not to let her downfalls keep her from living the life she wanted. So, she texted Krista again.

**To Blondie:**

**Was it as special as you hoped?**

**From: Blondie**

**Not really…you seemed sad.**

Ymir got the message as the teacher was asking questions, so she put her phone under her desk to reply.

**To Blondie:**

**We can’t all have your optimism.**

**From: Blondie**

**That doesn’t mean you get to treat yourself poorly!**

Ymir stifled a laugh. She loved when Krista got a little angry, especially in her defense. Krista had a point. Ymir wasn’t stupid, she knew how to survive. She just didn’t have the book smarts. And look at her, she was 21 in a classroom full of wash-outs—dumb teenagers and adults who all fucked something up. But maybe they learned their lesson. Maybe they were smarter for their mistakes.

**From Blondie:**

**You know you can tell me anything right? My aunt loves you, so you’re welcome to come over anytime.**

**To Blondie:**

**Listen, I’ll survive. Don’t you worry about me.**

**But, if you wanted to get me alone, all you had to do was ask.**

She didn’t get a response until much later in the class, and she was working on the workbook the teacher handed out. Hey, listening wasn’t her thing. She’d rather just do the work ahead of time. As she was leaving, she finally looked at the text and smirked as she walked out to her car, throwing her book bag on her shoulder.

**From Blondie:**

**I’m free this weekend.**

**And let’s NOT be alone, thank you.**

*          *          *

“This one you have to FOIL,” remarked Levi over his third cup of tea.

“I don’t fucking remember how to FOIL,” Ymir seethed. Her workbooks were spread across the small table in their kitchen. They were sitting in the only two chairs in the house which, of course, didn’t match each other.

“Ymir! Language!” Called her mother from the bathroom where she was taking a shower.

“Hablo Inglés mamá!” She yelled as Levi calmly began to teach her once again how to do the complicated math problem.

“I know you’re speaking English, young lady! Levi, is she causing you trouble?”

“Why don’t you just talk to him when you’re not in the shower?”

“I will when you behave.”

“I _am_ behaving” She couldn’t hear what her mom said next, but she knew it was not in her favor.

As soon as she finished and Levi approved the answer, he demanded she do the same process to a different problem.

“Levi! We’ve been at this for hours, can’t we give up?”

“That’s your choice,” was all the answer he gave. But she knew the speech he was alluding to. The _You can give up or not, it’s your choice. No one knows what the outcome will be, but make your choice with no regrets_ speech. That one. She groaned.

“I’ll do your problem, _old man_ , then finish the last…” she flipped to the end of the section of the work book. “…ten problems of this set and then we are done talking about math.”

He nodded and took another sip of his precious black tea. They kept it stocked just for him. Ymir and her mom were both coffee drinkers.

She worked in silence as her mother finished her shower and finally dressed. When her mother came out of her room, dressed in her tattered robe with her long blonde hair tied up in a bun, Ymir flipped her workbook around for Levi.

He looked the problems over slowly and approved although he pointed to the last one and asked, “I don’t see any work on this one, did you guess?”

“No, I eliminated the other possibilities. I wasn’t gonna do all that work, when my brain’s fried.”

“Very good, Ymir.” He then looked up at Ymir’s mother who was standing watching the two. “Hello, Laura.”

“Levi,” she nodded. “Are you just going to let your mother stand, Ymir?”

“Of course not, _ma’am_ ,” she joked, getting out of her chair for her mother to sit. Her mother didn’t even make eye contact. “Has Ymir been making you feel welcome?”

“Yes,” she said, sipping his tea.

“It’s been a while, Levi, how’s the shop?”

“The shop is good. We are staying out of debt there.” Laura flinched. Then she pulled in closer to Levi.

“H-how much money does she still owe, Levi?”

“About ten thousand,” Ymir grumbled.

Laura put her hand on her heart. “That’s still so much,” she said dabbing at her eyes. “But we can do it?” Laura was looking at Levi.

“I’ll have it paid off in a year, ma,” Ymir snipped. She hated the way her mother only spoke about her situation to Levi.

“That’s still a long time, Ymir,” her mom scolded. “Is Nile going to pull any tricks? I don’t know!”

Levi put down his tea and made eye contact with Laura. “The deal is made. Trust that it is solid.”

She nodded. Levi had powerful connections. You could trust in him 100% even if you didn’t want to know how he got things done. Still, Laura turned to Levi pleading, “But if he were to ask Ymir to work again or if the others stopped by with a job, then we’re back at the beginning again.”

That insinuation hurt the worst. After three years, her mom still didn’t trust her. She couldn’t speak—although harsh words were forming.

“Nile will have no contact with Ymir. Not that he wants to anyway.”

“But what about the others?”

“Mrs. Rodriguez, I think you’d better have that conversation with Ymir.”

“I—” Laura started looking worriedly at Ymir. She closed her mouth and stared at her daughter. Ymir could see the disappointment in her eyes. It was the way her mom had always looked at her.

Ymir clucked and looked away from her mother. “It’s obvious she doesn’t trust me, Levi. We have nothing more to say.” She could feel tears welling up, but she was too angry to cry, to speak, to do anything but force her indifference. “Why don’t _you_ tell her how your little ‘community project’ is doing? I’ll go get your money.”

Levi nodded as she went to her room to grab the envelope full of cash. It was buried beneath her school books on her desk. This month it was $800. She hated to see all this money leave especially when her and her mother could barely afford food and gas as it was. She hugged the money to her and then steeled herself to go back out.

She walked past the pair of them and tossed the money at Levi without making eye contact. Then she slammed the screen door shut and walked out to sit on their front step. She wished to god she had a cigarette, but she had quit. She tapped her fingers on her leg restlessly. There were people hanging out all over her street, people smoking, laughing, probably selling drugs. She hated this neighborhood. It was just like the last.

Through the door she heard her mom start crying. She could hear her say, “I just don’t want her to end up like her father.”

Ymir wanted to get away from here. She would pick up a shift at the bar right now if anyone asked. She’d rather rush off to Connie’s, Marco’s, Berts, even Reiner’s. She would have done it if Levi wouldn’t chew her out. He wanted her and her mother to “get along.” It was a little hard when they both worked non-stop. And when every conversation was an argument.

She couldn’t leave. She had to stay in this crappy corner of the world listening to her mother sob about her daddy who’s been in and out of prison for drug-related crimes and now was in the slammer probably for good. _That ain’t gonna be me,_ Ymir thought, looking up at the stars. _I’m going to be free. I’m out of the business. I am going to be free._ She closed her eyes and felt the cool night breeze on her face. For a moment she was gone, just happy, just nowhere. The sound of distant sirens of course brought her right back to her stoop.

She took her phone out of her pocket and smiled thinking of her little blonde girl. So she texted.

**To Blondie:**

**This Saturday let’s hang out at Connie’s. Don’t wear anything you don’t want stained, pretty girl.**

She smiled at her phone thinking of this girl who trusted her so much.

She heard Levi bid his farewells to her mother. He walked past her and stood at the bottom of the stairs, just meeting her eyes where she sat. then the turned to lean on the railing and pulled out a cigarette. Ymir was dying to smoke one.

“Weren’t you the one who told me smoking was bad?” Ymir asked, eyebrows arched.

“They are,” Levi answered letting out a puff of smoke.

“What a _great_ role model you’ve turned out to be.” Levi didn’t respond. They sat in silence while he finished his cigarette. As he flicked it to the floor, stepping on it to put it out, he turned to face her again.

“Your mother wants to help you, you know. She’s the one who asked me to get you out.”

“And then she did what she does best, and left me alone.” Levi simply stared at her with his expressionless face. This time it kinda pissed her off. She knew what his expression meant. He wanted her to make up with her mom. She sighed. “All this time and she still hasn’t changed. She’s still the mom who threw me to the dogs.”

“Ymir. You have a vile personality. You’re rude, crass, selfish, and you fucking piss me off.”

“You have a winning personality yourself, sir,” she quipped.

“That’s why we communicate well. Your mother is trying to be a good mother. She chose money over relationship. I’m not saying she’s right, but she made her choice. What’s yours Ymir? If you want her to trust her you can keep on pretending not to care and further convince her that you are the same. But, if I were you, I’d stop hiding your feelings. Your mother would like to see them.”

Ymir laughed at that. Levi was perceptive, but crazy.

“Anyway, all I’m saying is that you’re alienating the woman who has stood by your side despite your choices and personality. You’re an idiot Ymir.”

“See you tomorrow, Levi,” she dismissed, chuckling.

Levi piled into his ridiculous gas-efficient car and gave Ymir a wave before driving out of the shithole neighborhood Ymir lived in.

Ymir sighed. She had never been good at talking to her mother. Of course she knew that Levi was right, she knew her mother worked hard to keep them both alive and fed. With all the trouble Ymir’d gotten in at school, the fights, skipping, bad grades, she’d been nothing but a bad sheep even before she started selling. But what was important was that her mom was never there. She had only had her dad for such a long time. She’d help him fix cars and they’d talk. Her mom was always distant—even more so when her dad went to jail.

Ymir spent her childhood alone and angry in a neighborhood that forced her to be tough.

She sighed as she walked back into the house. She locked the door, put the dead bolt in place, and looked into her dark house, light now only by the streetlamps and the headlights of oncoming cars. She walked to her mother’s door and found it closed, but this time Ymir knocked.

“I need to sleep, Ymir,” was her mom’s cold response.

“I know. I have two jobs too, you know.” She walked over to the bed and sat down at the edge.

Her mom turned on the lamp by her bed and sat up. Her eyes were rimmed red. She looked even more exhausted than usual. Her white skin growing thin and worn, wrinkling around her eyes and mouth.

“What is it, Ymir?” she asked weakly.

Ymir was silent for a moment as she thought about how best to approach this woman she barely even knew. So she poured all of her frustration, her exhaustion, and her disappointment in herself and her mother into the only thing she could think to say.

“It’s been three _years_ , mom.”

Her mom started sobbing again, and Ymir didn’t know how to comfort her so she just waited. She didn’t often see her mother completely break down like this. When she quieted a little Ymir continued.

“Levi asked me to talk with you, so I am going to be as honest as possible. Can you just listen to me for a moment?”

Her mother nodded, still sniffling. 

Ymir turned to face the wall. She couldn’t look in her mother’s eyes. “I was young and stupid when I started dealing, and I didn’t have you to help me—not that I would have asked for your help. I am used to being alone, and I am _very_ angry with you about that,” she seethed and felt her mother recoil from her. “I’m angry about a lot of things. About Nile, about this neighborhood, about that nark Andre…about papá…” Her voice cracked, and Ymir could feel tears coming.

“Ymir, I’m sorry for everything. I—” Ymir held up a finger. Her mother was tearing up again. When Ymir got herself in control she continued.

“I’m glad you sent Levi to help me—I’d be in jail if it weren’t for that. I just…I wanted to get out of here, mom! I went into drugs because I wanted to be on top of this fucking neighborhood. I still wanna get out of here, but drugs—that will keep you trapped as much as anything else will.”

Ymir and her mother met eyes, her mother biting her lips with tears building in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t—”

“You made your decisions, mom, and I made mine.”

They both were silent looking down at their hands. Her whole family were just fuck ups. But Ymir couldn’t spend long feeling sorry for herself. She turned to her mother.

“I don’t feel a single hint of regret for who I am now. I made the right choice getting out. And now I’m gonna get my GED and I’m gonna prove you wrong. I’m not going to be my father.” Ymir stood up and opened the door to the bedroom. She just wanted to leave now.

“Ymir?”

Ymir sighed and placed her forehead on the doorframe. “What?”

“Do you know how many times your father said he’d get out of drugs? It was a lot, honey. I just. I want to believe you. But I’m scared.”

Ymir banged her head softly a few times. How could she make her mother understand her character? She straightened up and looked directly into her mother’s eyes.

“I’m going to prove it to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you liked this one! I really love Hanji and can't wait to write more about her. Also, if you're wondering how clean-freak Levi can stand smoking cigarettes - don't worry! It's just a habit when he's stressed, and he always needs one after visiting Ymir. He's going to go home and wash his clothes immediately. Also, sorry for the drama bomb. Ymir's backstory just kinda popped out in this chapter even though it wasn't necessarily what I had planned. Expect more details later!


	4. Holding On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For all of Krista's conflicted feelings and uncertainties, she just can't let go of Ymir. As a friend, as someone who makes her feel safe. One this is certain, Krista is holding onto Ymir.

As soon as Krista heard the buzz through the intercom of her apartment building she ran to the open window in her living room. Below she could see Ymir waiting patiently wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a tight white tanktop, her hair pulled back in a ponytail just like usual. Krista liked watching Ymir unnoticed. She loved the air of impatience she was giving off as she rang the buzzer three times in a row.

“Ymir!” she called cheerfully, waving to the tall girl. Ymir walked over to the window.

“Hey there, blondie!” she said, shading her eyes as she looked up at Krista. “Is this the part where I ask you to let down your hair?” she asked.

“I’m afraid, I can’t,” Krista giggled. “I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Well, hurry it up then, princess. I’ll go wait by the car.” She watched for a moment as Ymir sauntered away from her window with her hand in her pockets.

 Then Krista turned around and grabbed her bag from off the sofa next to where her aunt was sitting completely focused on her reading.

“See you later, Aunt Hanji.”

“Hmm?” Hanji asked, looking at Krista from over her reading glasses. “Oh! Krista! Where are you going?”

“I’m going to hang out with Ymir and Connie,” Krista smiled.

“Good, good,” Hanji said distractedly. She was once more reading out of her book.

“Have fun reading,” she giggled as she headed for the door. Only, just as she opened the door Hanji spoke softly.

“Uhhh…Krista?”

“Yes?” Krista turned around to face her aunt and saw that she had taken off her reading glasses, and stood up. She was wringing her hands and wearing a worried expression. “What’s wrong?”

“I was wondering…Am I—am I being a good parent to you?”

Krista’s chest tighted. How could Hanji ask her that? She began “Of course y—” but Hanji spoke at the same time.

“It’s just that I let you go to a party last week and I didn’t even think that you aren’t of age. I think I forgot actually! And maybe I’m not being responsible enough. And now you’re going off to a friend’s again and I haven’t set a curfew—Is that what parents do? I think it’s just that you’ve never really gone out with friends very much, so I don’t know what to do. What do you think? Would you like me to set a curfew?”

Krista laughed a little to try and cheer the worried expression off her aunt’s face. She hated to see that Hanji thought she was failing her as a parent. Hanji was the most important person in her life. “I think a curfew is a great idea.”

Hanji smiled wide and spewed, “But I don’t even know what time is fair. I should pick up another book. Maybe then I’ll know what to do. If I look online maybe I’ll find something good, and then we can make a decision.” Hanji started to rifle around her pile of papers to find her laptop, so Krista put down her bag and put her hand on top of Hanji’s.

“I think a curfew is a great idea,” she insisted. “But, I am 18, and I think we can come up with a fair time by ourselves. Don’t you?”

“Ah! Okay, Krista. What do you think is fair?”

“I was going to suggest 1am at the latest, _and_ if I’m not home at that time you can call me and check on where I am.”

“Krista, you are always so smart!” Hanji said, patting her head. “Good, now you go and have a good time!” Hanji settled back on the couch and Krista once more picked up her bag, smiling at her aunt.

“You’re the best parent I’ve ever had, Aunt Hanji.” Her aunt looked up at her with sad eyes, and it was all Krista could do to smile brightly and walk away. Then she hurriedly walked down the stairs to meet Ymir. She was ready to have a fun evening.

Ymir was leaning on the hood of her car picking absently at the hem of her shirt when Krista approached.

“What took you so long? My ass is fried,” she crabbed.

Krista just smiled and said “It’s nice to see you too, Ymir.”

“Alright, sunshine,” Ymir said, trying to mask a smile as they settled in her car. “What’s in the bag?” Ymir asked, as Krista set down her cargo on the floor between her legs.

“I made us some muffins while I was waiting!” She blushed and looked down at her lap as Ymir started pulling out of the driveway.

“What’d you go and do that for? It’s not like Connie needs anymore food, he’s gonna get fat.”

“They’re not for Connie,” Krista sputtered, blushing. “Well, they’re for all of us, but I-I know you said that if I fed you, you’d stick around and—”

Ymir laughed deeply, which only made Krista blush harder. Maybe she had gone too far with the muffins, but she really didn’t want Ymir to ever stop being friends with her.

“I can’t believe you’re the real deal!” Ymir wheezed through laughs. “You’re something else, you are.” She looked over at Krista with a smile. “How many times do I gotta tell you? You tickle me, smalls, and I’d stick around food or no food.” Then she reached over and pinched Krista’s cheek lightly. “You’re just so damn cute.”

Krista finally relaxed. She was excited to be surrounded by her friends again.

                                                                                         *          *          *

“I should warn you,” Ymir said, standing outside Connie’s apartment door. “However much I love being fed, Connie loves it a hundred times more. You may expect hugs, tears, poetry…”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for hugs,” Krista admitted. She looked down at the ground. She didn’t like to be touched very much, only by those she trusted.

“Alright,” Ymir said, cracking her fingers. “I’ll protect you.” Krista smiled to herself feeling very grateful and almost proud that Ymir wanted to defend her as the taller girl rang the doorbell.

Connie opened the door looking surprisingly cleaned up. Krista had only ever seen him in just jeans and a tee-shirt and then a bathing suit, so she was a little surprised to see him in a dark purple button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a clean pair of dark jeans. Especially since Ymir had told her not to dress up.

“Hey Ymir!” He greeted with a smile, and then noticeably swallowed. “K-Krista. Come in! I’ve got some food on the table.” He looked nervous.

Ymir clapped him on the shoulder and laughed, “I knew if I brought a pretty girl you’d bring out the good food! And you even put a shirt on, what a surprise! I’m used to seeing your pale as fu—”

Ymir laughed as Connie punched her in the arm, yelling about how rude she was, but Krista could tell he was laughing. They all stepped inside the small apartment. It was fairly clean, but Krista could tell two boys lived here. It certainly had a bit of a smell, but it wasn’t completely overpowering. It didn’t help that the apartment was just as hot as outside despite the fan blowing in the window.

“Hey Krista! Don’t stand in the doorway,” Ymir called from the kitchen. “Come and show Connie the goods.”

Krista smiled and pulled out her homemade muffins which she put in a reusable case. “Thanks for letting me come over, Connie! I made you guys these muffins! I-I hope you like them, I didn’t know what kind of food anyone liked.”

“They’re perfect!” Connie called, from his place next to Ymir. “T-thanks for thinking of us,” he added, bashfully putting a hand behind his head. Ymir shrugged comically at Krista when Connie had his back turned.

“What happened to my food-obsessed little boy,” she teased, putting him in a headlock and giving his buzzed hair a noogie.

“Ymir!” he cried. “I am a _man_ , thank you very much.”

“Don’t tease him so much, Ymir,” Krista giggled. Connie smiled widely as Ymir let him out of the headlock.

“Aww, you’re no fun, Blondie.”

“See, at least Krista is a decent human being.”

“She’s a goddess, Con. We can’t even compare,” Ymir praised.

Krista blushed furiously. “I am not!” she protested.

“Well, once Connie tastes your cooking, he’ll agree with me and then it will be two to one.” Ymir insisted.

“I’m game,” Connie smiled. “Anytime you want to cook for us, is always welcome Krista! M-my door is always open.” He grabbed the muffins from her and lightly tapped her on the shoulder.

Krista smiled, grateful Connie was so generous. Still, Connie seemed to be acting very strangely shy around her.

“Alright! Let’s load up and food then teach this greenhorn how to play some video games,” Ymir said, gesturing to Krista. They all agreed and began to fill their plates with pizza, candy, and other snacks that Connie provided.

“Hey, where’s Jean?” Krista asked. “I thought you said he was Connie’s roommate.”

“He’s at _Marcooo’s_ ,” Connie sang from the living room. “Said he might bring him over later, though, so we might see them if they aren’t too _busy_ , you know?”

“Have they finally gotten together?” Ymir asked, leading Krista into the living room where a large flat screen TV was set up across from a futon piled high with pillows and a make-shift table made with two crates and a hunk of wood.

Ymir had kicked off her shoes and already climbed onto the futon next to Connie. Feeling a little out of place, as it was her first time here, Krista placed her shoes neatly in the corner of the room and sat down on the floor. She felt safe in her own little bubble as she tucked her legs underneath her.

“They haven’t said anything, but the blushing has gotten worse,” Connie joked.

Ymir laughed softly saying, “I need to have a serious talk with my cousin. I introduced them. Really, I feel responsible for how shitty they both are at admitting their feelings.”

“Don’t you dare start anything, Ymir! I don’t want to hear them doing it all the time. I’m serious. All that pent up sexual tension’s gotta come out some time and I don’t want it to be here.”

Ymir laughed uncontrollably clutching at her stomach. “I can just picture you out here with a pillow on your head trying not to hear the slapping noises. How do you know they won’t fuck on your futon,” she cackled.

“You sleep here, too, asshole.”

Ymir chuckled lightly and said, “You got a point there. But I think a little threatening from your friendly neighborhood lesbian will keep them away. Plus, it’s a sure thing, Con. I’d bet you 20 bucks they get together in the next two months tops.”

“But that’d be maybe if you talked to one of them,” Connie insisted. “And that’s interference. No deal.”

“I don’t know, I’ve told Marco a thousand times and look where we are. But it’s close I can feel it. _Two months tops,_ ” she insisted holding her hand out for an agreement.

“I really don’t think you guys should bet on that sort of thing!” Krista said.

“Well, what’s your take Krista?” Connie asked. “We need an outsider’s perspective.”

“Well,” she said quietly. “From the looks of it, they seemed very in love.” Thinking of the two of them they seemed somehow in denial that they both wanted a relationship, but she couldn’t help but wonder if they were like her—afraid. “…but, if one of them isn’t interested in dating because they aren’t ready then I think friendship can suit them just fine until—until they’re _both_ ready,” she blushed glancing up at Ymir, her heart beating loud in her chest. Ymir stared at her with wide eyes for a few seconds until Connie elbowed her hard in the ribs. “A-and you can’t put a time limit on that,” she stuttered.

“No you can’t,” Ymir agreed quietly.

“But that didn’t answer whether or not you think they’re ready,’” Connie protested.

As Krista stuttered out a response, not knowing exactly what to say, Ymir just pat the top of her head. “Doesn’t matter, Con. If Krista says no bets, no bets. So, I guess we’ll just see when the two of them finally…” She made a lewd gesture then, making a circle with her finger and thumb and pulling her pointer finger in and out rapidly. Connie groaned and Krista once again chastised Ymir for her insensitivity, but she was glad Ymir had taken the gravity out of the conversation.

                                                                                           *          *          *

Somehow Connie and Ymir got Krista to play Halo which she wasn’t very good at. The two of them constantly laughed at her. Connie would stop and help her figure out how to use the controls while Ymir just cackled at her saying she’d “figure it out.” Still, Krista didn’t have much interest in video games and was glad to hand off the controller to Connie, happy to just listen to the two of them argue.

But she couldn’t help thinking back to what she said to Ymir. She wasn’t so sure she had even been talking about Jean and Marco at all. She didn’t really know them much, after all. But what did Krista want from Ymir? Krista certainly didn’t want to be alone and she was afraid to lose Ymir just when she’d found someone who seemed so determined to stay with her. But that wasn’t it. Krista liked that Ymir didn’t call her by her name and saw through her happy face, almost as if she knew.

But is that all she felt for Ymir? A sense of curiosity, finally figuring out how to be real?

She looked up at Ymir, and found her gazing back with a small smile and her heart beat faster.

“Connie,” Ymir whined pausing the game and putting her controller down. “You’re being a poor host. Can’t you tell little innocent Krista doesn’t like violence? You should bring out a game she’ll like.”

Krista smiled. Ymir took care of her. Still—Krista knew she couldn’t promise Ymir a romantic relationship. How could she when she was so damaged. Too damaged to even have a real friendship with anyone. No one would want to be with the real her.

She shook off the sadness and smiled when Connie brought out his old game cube and announced they would play Mario Party. Ymir insisted that Krista be Princess Peach, and Ymir and Connie had an argument over who should be Mario. After a small tousle and some pointed insults, they settled that Connie was Donkey Kong and Ymir was Luigi. But it didn’t matter to Krista. She had fun listening to them bicker and she liked when Ymir called her Princess.

When Krista finally had to go, they said their goodbyes to Connie and were putting on their shoes when Jean came crashing through the doorway.

“Home late I see?” Ymir said, stumbling backwards. “And blushing!” she laughed wiggling her eyebrows. “Just what were you up to, horseface?”

The smile he’d had on his face slowly became a scowl.

“Ymir.” Then he nodded at Krista with a lighter expression.

“How’s my ol’cos? I thought you were going to bring him.”

“He’s fine. I’m too tired to talk to you Ymir,” he sighed.

“Aww come on,” she cooed putting her hand on the wall to keep him from moving past her. “Afraid you’ll let something slip?”

“Ymir, don’t be mean. We can all get along,” Krista said pulling Ymir’s arm down.

“You should bring Krista over more often. She talks sense,” Jean grumbled.

Krista thought that would be the end of it, but as Jean passed by, Ymir sneakily cupped his butt. Jean startled.

“Hey! What the fuck was that for? You lesbian pervert!”

Ymir just sniggered and called out, “No butt sex yet, Con!” Then she had to run out the door ducking the random objects Jean was throwing at her. Krista apologized to Jean and stepped out the door.

“You really have to stop bothering Jean so much,” Krista chided spying Ymir panting slightly, still giggling at her car.

“Oh, don’t you worry, he has to get along with me if he wants to be on good terms with Marco.”

“Still, Ymir, you ought to be more kind to him.”

“Maybe I ought to,” Ymir mused. “But then again, that’s what I keep you around for, Krista. Someone’s gotta keep me in line.”

Krista pouted thinking how hard of a job it was to always apologize for Ymir. Still, at least Ymir was always genuine. She thought of the way Ymir kept Connie’s spirits up all night even though he had seemed nervous to hang out with her. Ymir _was_ kind, just not to everyone.

                                                                                       *          *          *

Ymir parked outside of Krista’s apartment, but Krista didn’t want to leave yet. She stared up at her home and just reveled in the warm feeling in her stomach. She liked being next to Ymir even when they weren’t talking. She felt safe. She thought about her home and her aunt and all the new things in her life that made her feel safe. She sighed happily.

“You gonna stare at your apartment all night or should I carry you home?”

“Y-you’re right, I should go home!” she startled, putting her car on the car handle. She was probably bothering Ymir. “I didn’t mean to waste your time!”

“Blondie!” Ymir chastised, turning off the engine. “Stay as long as you like.”

Krista nodded and relaxed. She just wanted to stay here for a few minutes and think about how wonderful it was to have friends who liked to spend time with her. The car was silent for a moment as they both took in the night ambience.

“I think you’ve really made an impression on Connie,” Ymir started quietly. “Bastard even dressed up for you,” she added with a smile. Krista thought it looked a little forced.

“I thought he looked nice,” Krista smiled. “And he was very sweet. I hope we all can hang out again soon.”

“Yeah, he’s—he’s a good guy,” Ymir said quietly.

“That must be the first time you’ve seriously complimented him,” Krista giggled.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get used to it, but he is my best friend and I count on him more than anyone else,” Ymir said wistfully. “And don’t ever tell him I said that,” Ymir threatened giving Krista a stern glance. Krista nodded slowly and chewed on her lip, Ymir really seemed to care about Connie. Just thinking about it she felt a twinge of jealously in the pit of her stomach.

“So…do you live with them? Connie made it sound like you sleep there a lot.”

Ymir threw her head back, laughing. “No! Why? Are you jealous that I sleep with Connie?” She winked.

“I am not! Although, I have to admit it sounds strange...the two of you sleeping on that futon.” She couldn’t imagine it. Ymir had definitely told her she was gay, so she wasn’t very worried that anything had happened. But sleeping in the same bed was so intimate. She couldn’t imagine Ymir so close to anyone. Once again her stomach twisted uncomfortably.

“I sleep on the floor a lot too,” Ymir admitted. “Connie shoves me off a lot, especially on hot days when I wear limited clothing.”

Krista laughed thinking about how Ymir ripped her pants off when she was drunk. She could imagine how Connie felt. Still, she wondered, “Why do you stay over there so often if you don’t live there?”

“I like it there,” Ymir spoke defensively.

“S-sorry. I guess I just don’t get it, is all.”

“Well, when you’ve got a house as nice as this one, I’m sure you never want to leave.”

They were both silent for a few moments. Krista stared up at her house feeling again the comfort it brought her. She wished Ymir could feel the same way. She wondered if Ymir even had a home.

After a while, Ymir glanced down at her and murmured, “I suppose your aunt is waiting for you.”

Krista blushed remembering how worried Hanji had seemed today. Perhaps she should go. She really didn’t want to burden her aunt any more than she already did. “Y-you’re right.” As she glanced over at Ymir she felt that warm feeling again and couldn’t bring herself to want to go back home to her dark room and have to face her nightmares again. She bit her lip. “Are you going home?” She wanted to drag this out just a little longer.

“No, I think I’ll crash at my cousin’s.” 

“Do you—do you have a home, Ymir?” Krista was getting a little worried for her.

She laughed aloud. “I ain’t homeless,” Ymir smirked. “God, you’re funny.”

Krista felt a little ridiculous. Perhaps it was a rash question. Still, Ymir never really talked about her home or her family. “Then why aren’t you ever at home?”

“I live with my mom, but uhh, it ain’t _home_ , you know.”

“Oh.” She knew the feeling. This place was the first place that ever felt like home to her, she wondered if maybe Ymir needed a safe place too. “What’s wrong with your home?” Krista whispered.

“Lots of things.” Ymir sighed. “Listen, I know you tend to worry about people, but you don’t need to worry about me. I’m just a rotten brat who can’t stay still. So, come on, don’t look so worried,” she cooed, patting the top of Krista’s head.

“So you just don’t like to stay in one place? You’re not hiding anything? Cause you can trust me, you know.” Krista was unsure Ymir was telling the truth. She was really worried that Ymir had a past…more like hers. She was still a little uneasy about it. Ymir could be good at covering it up. God knows, she was.

“Yeah, blondie,” she sighed. “I ain’t homeless, why would I hide that? I’d fucking move in with you if I was homeless.”

“How do I know that for sure?” Krista crossed her arms. She had to make sure Ymir was safe.

“I haven’t taken over your couch yet, have I?” She laughed. But seeing the stern look Krista knew she was shooting at her, Ymir seemed to wise up. She sighed. “I suppose I can take you to my house one day if that will make you happy.”

“I would like that very much,” Krista said seriously. “We’re agreed?” Krista stuck her hand out for Ymir to shake it and while she rolled her eyes, they made the deal.

“You always have to take care of other people don’t you, Krista?” Ymir whispered.

“It’s the right thing to do,” Krista stated. It’s what she’d always done.

“You’re just too nice.”

Krista smiled, but she had an inkling that when Ymir said that to her it wasn’t a compliment. It made her feel uneasy and unsure of herself. But in the end she was Krista Lenz, she was supposed to be too nice.

“Oi, Krista,” Ymir suddenly called. She looked over expectantly. “I’ve been meaning to ask you…” she trailed off looking out the window.

“What is it, Ymir?”

Ymir looked over at her, chewing on her bottom lip. She then lightly banged her head against the head rest and sighed deeply. Then, looking straight ahead, noticeably not at Krista she spewed, “I’ve been thinking it over lately and I realized that while you’re real fond of asking me how I feel about you, you’ve never returned the favor.” She looked over to Krista with a timid questioning glance. “So…how do you feel about me?” Ymir looked nervous and a little twitchy—she couldn’t keep eye contact with Krista.

Krista’s chest felt tight and for a few seconds she couldn’t make a sound. Ymir was expecting a thought out response like she had given Krista only Krista was still unsure how she felt, but she couldn’t just say nothing, so she forced her usual smile and sang, “I like you, Ymir!”

It was instinctual to her now to smile and affirm people. But when she looked up at Ymir, the taller girl looked disappointed. Krista felt that perhaps she had responded too quickly and too cheerfully. Ymir seemed to be waiting for her to say more, but Krista just smiled at her. How could she put to words how Ymir made her feel without saying how sad she used to be? She felt a pressure building up in her chest that was ready to explode. She never liked being put under this kind of pressure. When she had been asked out in the past, she had always responded politely, but refused. That way she was never mean to others, but never attached to them either.

“You like me…as a friend, yeah?” Ymir sighed a little looking almost sad. She didn’t want to give Ymir anymore false hope tonight. She remembered the look of hope in Ymir’s eyes when she had implied that they just had to wait until she was ready. And somewhere inside of her, Krista wanted that, but she couldn’t promise Ymir anything. She didn’t even know what ready would feel like.

“Can we not talk about this, Ymir?” Krista pleaded. She didn’t want Ymir to be like all the boys who’d asked her out. She didn’t want to be just polite, but she didn’t know what she could say to Ymir to make her happy without lying to her and she certainly wasn’t ready to tell Ymir the truth.

Quickly, Ymir’s open face closed off once again into a cold smirk as the silence lingered. Krista felt a sharp stab of guilt, but couldn’t make herself do anything.

“It figures. You _are_ too nice for your own good, blondie,” she teased, but Krista could tell her heart wasn’t in it. Ymir sighed and rubbed her forehead saying, “You should go home, kid. I’ll see you at work.”

Krista felt a hint of panic set in. Ymir was casting her aside. She had said the wrong thing and now Ymir was falling away from her. She stepped out of the car, but before she could force herself to walk away she turned around and leaned down to the open car window.

“You know, school is starting soon and I won’t have as many shifts at the store…” she started.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ymir waved. “You’ll be busy with your _precious_ studies, I know.”

“I’d like to see you more often,” Krista gushed. Ymir blinked once in surprise. Krista felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest. She didn’t want to let Ymir go. “I—my house is always open to you, and I can make us food again if you want, and you could stay the night whenever. And even when I have a dorm at school I’m sure you could hang out with me there whenever you wanted—uhh, I mean, if you want to that is…” she trailed off looking at her hands shyly. She really hoped that Ymir wanted to spend time with her too. She knew it was selfish of her to ask Ymir to spend her free time with her, but she really did want it.

Ymir smiled coyly. “Tuesdays and Thursdays I’m free after class. I’ll see you then.”

Krista smiled, said goodbye and practically ran up to her apartment. One inside her door, she put her back against the door and took a deep breath. Maybe she saved it. Why couldn’t she just tell Ymir that she wasn’t sure how she felt? That would have been more honest. She was a coward. She had always been a coward. She slid down the door and held her knees. Ymir wanted to see the real her and she liked that, but it was impossible. Krista felt tears brimming her eyes.

How could she explain to Ymir why she was so afraid of love confessions? Of course Krista wanted to be around Ymir, of course she liked Ymir. But, maybe for the first time, she was feeling more than friendship, and she could see herself falling for Ymir. But, but she didn’t want to be in love. She couldn’t be in love because she knew that all love was bound to do is betray you. So, she couldn’t say anything, she wouldn’t feel anything like that. Instead, she would hide.

Hiding is what she had always done. It’s what she was good at. That’s why she was who she was. Why she was Krista Lenz. She was friendly and kind—she was happy or so it seemed. She could be loved without ever having to feel anything. She could hide from her past—her memories and feelings.

But she didn’t want her fear to cause her to lose Ymir. Maybe she couldn’t love her, but they could still be close, right? So, she’d saved it, hadn’t she? Ymir was going to spend more time with her, and so she could make up for what she’d done wrong tonight. Ymir may have been disappointed that Krista couldn’t tell her how she felt, but she would still want to be friends. It was definitely selfish that Krista still wanted Ymir around, but Ymir had promised to stick around.

She heard a loud snore coming from the couch and jumped. She completely forgotten about Hanji. She wiped her tears away quickly and stood up. Hanji was asleep on the couch with a book in her lap, so Krista put on a light smile, and shook her awake. Hanji patted her on the cheek slowly as she opened her eyes.

“I’m ready for the next experiment, Moblit,” she mumbled. “Just make me a double espresso.”

Krista chuckled lightly. Her aunt was genuinely the best thing about her life. “No espresso, auntie. Bed now.”

“Krista, why are you in the lab?” she grumbled sitting up. Krista thought maybe she was still asleep, so she grinned lightly.

“I’m here to help you, Hanji. You’re going to need to come lay down now.”

“For an experiment?”

“Yes,” Krista lied. “Come on.”

After convincing Hanji to lay down in her bed for the night, Krista wandered off to her bed. She was exhausted. She closed her eyes hoping that some of her good memories from today would fend off her nightmares. She had to have hope that it would be alright, just like she had to hope she had fixed things with Ymir. It’s how she survived.

                                                                                       *          *          *

College. Krista wasn’t ready for it in the slightest. While Hanji and Krista had bought all the needed books and supplies and Krista had messaged with Reiner (he’d insisted on getting her phone number at the Beach party), she still wasn’t ready. She was nervous about sharing a suite with two other girls, she was nervous about fitting in, about classes. Even Ymir caught on to her nerves despite how cheerful she tried to be. Perhaps packing up all her things a week early and checking them every night before bed was a huge tip.

Ymir had been staying over at her house almost every Tuesday and Thursday night after her class. The last Thursday before move-in Ymir had physically stopped her from rifling through her bags for the fifth time that night and had taken her out for a late-night McDonald’s run to eat junk food. Ymir said it was “for her own good.” Krista failed to see how overeating was going to help her, but maybe just being out of the house was helpful. In the end she confessed that she was nervous and Ymir laughed at her, but offered to come help her move in so she’d have someone she liked around for the big day.

                                                                                     *          *          *

All her worrying led up to this day. As she sat in the passenger seat of her aunt’s car she stared at the large brick building that she was very soon to call home. All her fears seemed to build up in her stomach, her throat, her very veins—stopping everything and yet making it seem like everything was moving too fast. What if she couldn’t do this? What if she failed all her classes and didn’t make any friends? What if she was as useless as she had always thought she was?

She was so caught up in her fears that she completely missed whatever her aunt was chattering away about in the front seat. She was pointing to things on campus obviously telling some long-winded story, but Krista just heard her blood pumping in her ears. Until she felt something light brush across her cheek.

“You don’t have to go in if you don’t want to. Nobody’s making you,” Ymir murmured in Krista’s ear. Krista let a breath out that she hadn’t even known she was holding. Ymir was right. She could walk away at any time. Ymir pulled away, still leaning forward, but now looking Krista in the eye tenderly. She flushed.

“No, I—I want to do this,” she said resolutely. Five years ago she wasn’t even thinking about college. She would have laughed at the thought, but now she had this wonderful opportunity ahead of her, and she was going to take it. She was going to take it because she wanted it. She wanted a better life.

Ymir smiled proudly at her, then clasped her shoulder. “Then, for fuck’s sake let’s get going. We’re holding up the line.” The gestured a thumb back to the line of unloading cars, all full of freshmen and their parents moving in loads of goods into her residence hall.

“Oh! You’re right!” Both Krista and Hanji seemed shocked to see how busy the surrounding area was. Krista guessed that both of them had been off in their little worlds.

“Tch, Jesus Christ, you two,” she heard Ymir mumble from the back seat.

Once out of the car, they began unloading all of Krista’s things onto the sidewalk, as instructed. There were several students in bright tee-shirts helping freshmen move all their things up to the rooms. Krista nearly jumped out of her skin when she was pulled into a very sudden hug from behind. She froze, too scared to make a sound while feeling strong arms squeeze her. If she closed her eyes it would go away. After a moment she heard a deep laughed from behind her as she was put down.

“Don’t worry! It’s just me,” smiled Reiner looking as bright as sunshine with his safety yellow tee-shirt.

“R-Reiner,” she said, shaking a little. “I didn’t know you would be here.” She tried to smile, but she was still a little shaken.

“Sorry, I wanted to surprise you! I didn’t know you were so jumpy,” he admitted bashfully.

“Oh it’s alright,” she said sweetly, although she did not necessarily feel alright.

“Hey, Reiner!” Ymir called, a large box in her hands. “You mess with Krista, you mess with me, comprende?” She glared at him stormily. “Now quit standing around and make yourself useful” she called.

“Sorry,” Reiner and Krista called at the same time.

“I was talking to Mr. Muscles. Now where the fuck are we going?”

“Oh!” Krista looked down at the sheet of paper she was given even though she had read and re-read it a million times. “I’m in Rose Hall 346.”

“Alright, let me lead you two up!” Reiner picked up a box and began to lead them. Hanji, carrying only a small fan, started walking next to Reiner.

“So, Reiner, was it? I haven’t met you yet, have I? You’re rather large, aren’t you?” She asked poking his rather muscular arms. “What is your metabolic rate?”

Reiner looked back at Krista looking absolutely bewildered. Krista and Ymir shrugged at the same time. Hanji was a little forward even with new people.

“Why do you want to know that?” Reiner asked.

Hanji launched into another long explanation of some interesting experiment she wanted to try…or had she started this one already? And Ymir leaned over to her with a look of concern on her face.

“You okay, kid? Reiner didn’t scare you too bad, did he?”

“No, not really,” she smiled. She had shaken off the shock. “I was just surprised at the time.” She couldn’t help the shudder that ran through her. She preferred physical contact that she could control.

“Next time, I’ll kick him, I promise,” Ymir hissed protectively, throwing glances at Reiner’s back.

“T-that’s really not necessary.” She didn’t want Reiner to get hurt, but she couldn’t help the pride that swelled inside her every time Ymir stood up for her.

They stepped into the entryway to the building and Reiner stopped responding to Hanji, pointing to the circular desk just inside and giving a brief description of the move in process, and how to hide alcohol from your RA. Then they headed into the elevator to go to the third floor.

The hallway out of the elevator was full of students, their parents, and an insurmountable pile of stuff. People’s things that just wouldn’t fit in the room yet, she supposed.  Looking into the double rooms Krista thought they looked very small. She didn’t know how two people were supposed to fit in them. Luckily Hanji had let her apply for a suite.

She finally reached the doorway to hers and found it open. As Krista walked in she saw the small kitchenette to the right. The room was light up by large windows. And in the middle of the room was a couch already set across from a TV. The place was beautiful. Maybe not perfect considering how small the kitchen was, but she was thrilled. This might just work out after all.

“Are you going to stand there all day, princess, I’m carrying a lot more than you,” Ymir huffed from the doorway. Krista wasn’t even aware she’d stopped walking.

She stepped to let Ymir in the room, and Reiner gestured for her to bring it into a side bedroom where he and Hanji were already setting down their boxes and looking over the space.

Still feeling sentimental about the sunshine coming through the window, Krista didn’t hear anyone approach until she heard a soft voice behind her.

“Hello,” the girl greeted softly. “Are you Sasha or Krista?” As Krista turned she saw a beautiful girl short black hair and dark eyes wearing a bright red scarf.

“Krista,” she smiled. “You must be Mikasa.” They shook hands.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Mikasa returned. Krista noticed that she, like Annie did not have much expression in her face.

“Ah! You’re right!” Hanji shouted from the other room, where she and Reiner were placing boxes. “Krista, I’ve completely left our things unwatched. I hope no one stole them!” she laughed, already halfway out the door.

She heard Ymir chuckle from the other room as Reiner followed Hanji out to the street calling for her to slow down—she didn’t need to run.

Ymir called from the doorway to her new room then saying, “Hey, Princess, check out your new—” Krista turned about to see a look of surprise cross Ymir’s face followed by a wide smile. “Heyyy! The fuck are you doing here, Miks?” she called, pointing at the girl. “Coincidence of all coincidences. I don’t fucking believe it.”

“Ymir,” Mikasa nodded. She had a light smile on her face. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Um…how do you two—” Krista couldn’t believe how many people Ymir knew.

“Oh, Mikasa has a brother that uhh…” she broke off giving Mikasa a tentative glance. “He worked at the grocery store with me for a bit. Speaking of. How is that fucker? If you’re here he must be here too.”

Once again Mikasa smiled ever so slightly as she replied. “Eren will be living downstairs, but right now he is off with the Jaeger’s shopping for everything he forgot.”

“He was always an idiot,” Ymir smiled.

“I assume that we’ll see him a lot then? If he lives downstairs.” Krista added.

“I’d be surprised if you didn’t. Mikasa, Eren, and Armin are inseparable,” Ymir laughed.

Mikasa nodded. “But please let me know if Eren ever bothers you.”

“Alright,” Krista swallowed. “Is he…bothersome?” Krista asked looking to Ymir. The last thing Krista wanted was to not get along with her roommates or their friends.

Ymir made a non-committal noise and Mikasa pursed her lips lightly. This didn’t bode well.

“Eren is very troublesome only to those who treat him poorly. You two will get along fine,” Mikasa finally said. Ymir nodded. After a brief silence Mikasa started again with, “I’m surprised to see you here, Ymir. I didn’t think you were attending college.”

Krista saw Ymir flinch slightly, but brush it away with a cold smile, throwing her arm over Krista’s shoulders. “I am here as moral support for this little blondie. I’m not attending, but I think you’ll see me around.” She winked at Mikasa and in return Mikasa simply raised an eyebrow. Krista knew what Mikasa was thinking. She flushed.

“What Ymir _means_ is that I asked her to help me move in. We worked at Ackerman’s together too and now we’re friends.” She hoped that that clarified their relationship status, but she felt how weak it sounded, so she changed the subject. “I can’t believe the chances of you two knowing each other.”

“It’s a small world,” Ymir grinned. “Listen, Krista, I’m going to go grab a box or something. You two get to know one another.” With that she slunk out the door leaving Krista alone before she could protest. Still, she was glad at least to know that this was another one of Ymir’s friends. So far she felt that Ymir had good taste.

“Come,” Mikasa waved her over to the couch where they both sat down. The couch was very clean with soft brown fabric and a few tasteful pillows on it. She looked over at the TV—a flat screen, fairly large. It must have been expensive.

“It was really nice of you to bring these things, Mikasa. Did you pay much money for them, I could—”

“Nonsense. My father is a doctor. This was a gift.”

“Wow, okay! Tell him thank you for me.” It was a very impressive gift. “A doctor, huh? Are you going to follow in his footsteps then?”

Mikasa nodded.

“W-well I’m a nursing major. Maybe we could work together one day! I’m sure you’ll be a great doctor.”

“Surgeon, actually.”

“Impressive. I think you’d like to meet my friend Annie. She’s coming to school here as well. Pre-Med. Maybe you two will be in the same classes.”

“Perhaps,” Mikasa mulled. “I would be glad to meet your friends.”

“So, is your brother going to be a doctor as well?”

“No,” Mikasa’s face darkened a little. “Eren has always been…independent. He wants to be a police officer.”

“That’s a good profession as well. He could help people in different ways,” Krista suggested. She couldn’t quite pinpoint how Mikasa felt about this.

“Good, but dangerous.”

“Ah. You’re worried about him,” Krista smiled gently. She could tell that she was going to like Mikasa just fine even though the girl didn’t seem to be much of a conversationalist.

Suddenly there was a loud crash in the doorway as someone fell, their things tumbling all over the entrance to the suite. From the rubble popped a small auburn pony tail. The girl sat up slightly and brushed her bangs from her eyes.

“Well hey there, friends,” she sang sweetly. “You must be my roommates! Ow!” she said, losing her footing on the pile of clothes and other random items that had spilled over the floor.

“A-are you okay?” came a soft concerned voice from the doorway—Berthold.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she grinned. “Told ya I could carry more than you, didn’t I?” She brushed off her loose pink tanktop and tried to tuck a bit of in in her blue jean shorts, but gave up halfway as she rushed to sit down on the couch between Mikasa and Krista.

She pulled both of them into a hug, gusing, “I’m Sasha! It’s so nice to meet you! Did any of you bring lunch, I’ve been on the road for hours! And oh! Which one of you is rooming with me?”

“We’re in that room,” Mikasa said dryly pointing to their bedroom.

“Alright!” She smiled and stood up quickly, pointing at Berthold. “Well, sir, don’t just stand around. Why don’t you help a lady move her things?” Bert was still standing in the doorway looking sweatier than usual. Krista felt really sorry for him. Sasha appeared very energetic.

“I told her not to try and hold that much stuff,” he shrugged. “I suppose it’s just my job.”

Krista giggled as she watched the two of them move back and forth with Sasha’s living items. Berthold being dragged along and Sasha’s never-ending energy making Bert more and more flustered. Hanji and Reiner dropped off a few boxes in the hallway, and promised the next trip would be the last.

Ymir had once again returned with a box and had just set it down near the sofa when Sasha came bolting out of the other room again only she tripped on something and would have tumbled to the floor if it wasn’t for Ymir caching her by the arm trying to stabilize her with a hand on her shoulder, but the lump that had tripped her was still at her feet, so Ymir lowered Sasha to the ground slowly.

“You clumsy, idiot,” Ymir cursed. “What the fuck are you doing, running around like that?” The girl, now seated on the ground started to laugh uncontrollably. “Oh god, I broke her.”

“I’m sorry,” Sasha laughed, wiping away a tear. “It’s just, my mom always told me my love of food was going to kill me and you wouldn’t believe what I tripped over,” she wheezed, holding up a tinfoil-wrapped potato which had been hidden under a sweatshirt. “But luckily I didn’t squish it,” she added, pulling back the wrapping and shoving it in her face.

“You’re an odd one, potato girl,” Ymir sighed, holding out her hand to help Sasha up.

“I’m not odd, I’m just hungry,” she smiled, whipping back her ponytail with a mischievous grin. Then she pointed at Ymir suspiciously. “Hey, who are you anyway? They didn’t say we’d have a fourth roommate.” A smile broke out over her face as she pulled Ymir into a tight hug. “Welcome to the team!”

Ymir pealed Sasha off her and explained, “I’m just here with blondie. I’m not your roommate.”

“Yes,” Krista smiled, “Ymir is one of my close friends.”

“You’re Krista’s friend? Same difference,” she smiled and pulled Ymir into another hug, lifting her slightly in the air.

“Woah there, killer. Not on the first date.” Ymir looked like a fish out of water.

“Hey, you’re tall, will you give me a piggyback ride out to my car?”

“Try me, tater-tot.” Sasha laughed maniacally as she tried to climb up the taller girl for a piggyback ride. Krista stifled a giggle as she watched Ymir try to fend off Sasha.

The tousle only ended when Bethold stepped in the room and Ymir shouted that Berthold was taller than she was. Weak-hearted man that he was, Bert consented to carry the giggling Sasha outside.

Ymir sighed and plopped herself on the couch motioning for Krista and Mikasa to join from where they stood, having witnessed all the action pass. Ymir put her arms around both of their shoulders as she relaxed, stretching out her legs.

“That girl is a trainwreck,” Ymir sighed.

“She certainly did seem to like you though,” Krista smiled.

“A little too much,” Ymir smirked.

“I can take care of her,” Mikasa said quietly.

“Ooooo, scary Miks,” Ymir taunted. “You gonna take care of her like…?” she motioned a finger across her throat.

“Seriously Ymir, don’t joke about that,” Krista chastised.

“I wouldn’t do that,” Mikasa added firmly.

“See?”

“Too messy. I’d go for poison.” Krista hoped to God Mikasa was joking, but she said it so seriously that she was feeling a little shocked until Ymir burst out laughing.

“God, Mikasa, you’re so morbid.” She cackled some more and clapped Mikasa on the shoulder. Mikasa rolled her eyes and shrugged off Ymir’s arm.

“I think it would be best if we didn’t kill each other,” Krista said.

“Certainly,” Mikasa agreed.

“I think you’ll love it here, Krista,” Ymir mused, wiggling down farther on the couch so her face was even with Krista’s. “Miks can protect you from harm and Sasha—shit, she’s like a mini version of Hanji, only I think more hungry. It’ll be just like home for you.”

“It might make a good home,” she smiled at the thought. Things could be very good here.

“You’re lucky, you know?” Ymir’s eyebrows were raised slightly and she looked at Krista so tenderly that the girl wasn’t sure she could meet the gaze. Krista looked away chewing on her lip.

“And you—you’ll still come over?” Krista hoped that Ymir wasn’t being scared away because she was afraid of the college campus or she thought she could be replaced.

Ymri smiled wide. “Tuesday?”

“Tuesday.”

The sound of a phone buzzing ran through the room and before she could search for her phone she heard Miaksa’s voice. “Hello? …Yes I’ll be right down.” Mikasa stood up saying she was going out with her family, but would be back later. Then she looked over at Krista arching an eyebrow. “The couch pulls out, you know, _if_ you were ever to need it.”

Krista blushed slightly as Mikasa nodded to them and left the suite, Ymir’s arm still draped over her shoulder.

“Well, we got Mikasa’s approval,” Ymir shrugged. Krista wondered what she was alluding to—Mikasa’s approval of their friendship, relationship, or an approval to sleep together. Whatever her thoughts, Krista was glad she would still be able to see Ymir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stuffed a lot in this one. Man, I love Sasha. I actually got to use the pet-name tater-tot. Also Miks. She deserves some love. Sorry Krista is a bit angsty. I'll get to her back story later. Thanks for reading!


	5. Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ymir really sucks at apologies.

Krista had seemed so nervous about moving to college that for weeks Ymir thought she was going to combust. As Ymir tossed a bag of chips at Sasha, earning a bright grin and a promise of eternal servitude, she couldn’t help but notice how much calmer this Krista seemed. As Krista whipped up a light dinner in the mini-kitchen, it almost seemed like she was still at her aunt’s apartment. She moved fluidly around the small space with the confidence she used to only have privately. Briefly, Krista turned around to grab the salt from off the table and Ymir was struck by the serenity in her quiet smile. She felt like the sun had hit her face, but it was the middle of the night and the apartment was light only by the yellow kitchen light and a lamp in the living room. Krista seemed to so happy here, so much happier than Ymir could have imagined based on the shaking wreck she had been about it.

Suddenly she felt a pull at the sleeve of her sweatshirt. Sasha was grinning at her mischievously from the couch. “I _said_ , do you wanna choose the show? But I guess you were too busy…” she sat up on her knees and whispered in Ymir’s ear. “Making goo-goo eyes at Krista.”

Ymir snapped out of her stupor enough to flop on the couch and pull Sasha into a noogie. “Goo-goo eyes are for kids, Sash. And anyhow, you’re wrong,” she blushed. She was just friends with Krista because that’s all Krista wanted. Even though Krista didn’t seem to want to talk about what exactly she did want.

Sasha’s grin widened with glee. “No I’m not.”  

“Just because I happen to look at a pretty girl does not make it goo-goo eyes, ya toddler.” She grabbed the bag of chips as well as the play station remote from Sasha as she recovered. She stood and held the chips up high as the girl reached and begged for her snack back.

“I’m sorry Ymir! I didn’t mean anything, just give them back. I’ll never make fun of you again.”

“I don’t know if I believe you, potato girl.”

“Why would I lie when food is on the line?!”

“That’s exactly when you would lie.”

“No! I’m telling the truth, honest!”

“Alright, I’ll believe you, but if I give you the chips back, you have to sit through two whole episodes of Top Gear with me,” she demanded, selecting the show from the Netflix queue.

“Please, nooooooo! I’d rather do one episode and I’ll make you pastries this weekend. Pleaaaase,” she begged.

“Can you two quiet down for a moment? I have homework,” Mikasa asked firmly from the doorway to their room.

Sasha immediately ran to Mikasa, hiding behind her shoulder. “Ymir took away my snack and is threatening me with car shows! Help me, Mikasa!”

Mikasa looked disinterested and simply raised her eyebrow at Ymir before shrugging off Sasha and returning to her room. Ymir caught the meaning, however, and gave in—mostly because Mikasa had a way of communicating to Ymir how ridiculous their little fight was.

“Alright, if Mikasa says so, one episode of Top Gear and pastries this weekend,” she caved.

Sasha cheered as the two of them settled back on the couch. Ymir couldn’t help but catch a sight of Krista smiling at them softly from the kitchen where the blonde thought she was unnoticed.

This Tuesday night marked the second week of Krista’s college move-in. Ymir had stayed over two nights before, but while Krista seemed happier here, she noticed that Krista was distant from her. When Ymir had stayed over last week Krista had made something for dinner like she’d promised, but after eating, she retreated to her room to study and barely said a word to Ymir. Ymir didn’t want tonight to be like that too. Krista seemed very happy, but then why wasn’t she talking to Ymir?

Maybe Krista was trying to get Ymir to leave her alone. Maybe Krista didn’t really feel anything for her and had been just keeping her around because she was lonely and had been worried about college. Now that she was here and surrounded by good people like Sasha and Mikasa, maybe Krista didn’t need Ymir. Ymir just wished that Krista had said anything about her feelings for Ymir. Instead she avoided the topic. Ymir felt like an idiot for asking, but she honestly wanted to know.

“Here you are Ymir, Sasha,” Krista said handing out plates of pasta. “I didn’t really have time to make anything special today.” Krista yawned as she carefully placed herself on the sofa next to Ymir. Krista had looked pretty exhausted all week, but Ymir knew she was covering it up with her bright smile.

“Krista you’re my favorite roommate!” Sasha gushed before digging in as if she hadn’t already been snacking for hours.

“God, potato girl, slow down before you choke,” Ymir smirked. She looked over to Krista who was quietly chewing. She did everything gently. “Thanks, Blondie.” Krista smiled brightly, but didn’t say anything. She turned back to the TV where Ymir’s favorite show was playing and feigned interest, but Ymir knew Krista didn’t particularly care for the show. “You know we don’t have to watch this if you don’t want to. I know it’s not your favorite.”

Krista smiled lightly.

“Aww come on, Ymir. Why do you only listen when Krista doesn’t want to watch your dumb TV? Don’t you looove me?” Sasha whined, tugging on Ymir’s sleeve.

“Someone’s gotta stand up for Krista. I know _you_ never change the show for her and you watch baking shows all day,” she said flicking the ponytailed girl in the forehead.

“I do not! Plus Krista likes them, right Krista?”

Krista smiled and put her plate on her lap. “Sure! But seriously, I am alright watching whatever you want to. I should really go work on homework soon anyway,” she sighed.

“Homework is for losers!” Sasha stuck her tongue out.

“That’s how you flunk out of school,” came a voice from behind the couch. Mikasa was rubbing her eyes, holding her reading glasses in one hand.

“Aww I won’t flunk, Mikasa! I’m really smart!” She smiled, turning around on her knees to face Mikasa.

Mikasa looked her up and down, frowning. “I will believe that when I see it.” Ymir was hiding a snicker because Sasha never seemed to be doing anything school related. “And your professors will need to see that in your school work.”

Sasha groaned. “But the homework they give is so boring. I’d much rather hangout with you guys.”

“You might be less stressed if you did your homework earlier than the morning before,” Krista said.

“I’m sorry I woke you up!” Sahsa frowned. “I won’t do it again!!”

Krista waved her off saying, “I wasn’t sleeping anyway, but you really shouldn’t start your prelabs at 5 in the morning. I don’t know how you do it.”

“I work better when I’m in a hurry! That way I get very focused and the stress helps me think! But I really shouldn’t have bothered you, but Mikasa threw me out of the room!”

Mikasa gave Sasha a stern look while Krista giggled. “I don’t blame her.”

“Oi, Sash. What’s your major anyway? I didn’t peg you for science.” Ymir honestly thought she was art or something.

“Undecided. One the one hand I kinda want to be a chef so I can make food all day, but on the other hand I want to be a mortician! Or maybe like one of those forensic people on cop shows. But I don’t know. I could be anything.”

Ymir laughed. The last time she had been so hopeful about her future was many years ago before her father went to prison. She wished she could still have dreams like Sasha. She reached over and patted the top of the girls head. “You sure dream big, pipsqueak, but if anyone would be a chef, it’d be our Krista.”

Krista laughed gently, putting a hand to her mouth. “I’m definitely not good enough for that!” Her smile noticeably darkened as she added on “Plus, I’m going to be a nurse, so that’s not going to happen.”

“Awww come on, Krista, you could totally join me! We could open up a restaurant together!”

Krista laughed again and waved her off. “It sounds nice, but I’ll pass. And anyway, I need to get working on school work if I’m going to get anywhere with _my_ dream,” she said easing herself up from the couch. She was headed to the kitchen with her plate, so Ymir decided to follow her.

Krista stood at the sink rinsing off her plate, so Ymir leaned on the counter beside her. She took a deep breath. She didn’t know why her heart was racing, but it was. She wanted to spend time with Krista, but the first night she stayed over at the dorm Krista asked Ymir to stay in the living room. Ymir probably would distract Krista from her school work. She didn’t want to be a bother, but she didn’t come over just to hang out with Sasha and Mikasa, although they were fun. So, she had to find a way in.

“I really like your roommates,” she smiled.

“Oh yeah?’ Krista didn’t look up from the sink. “Me too.”

“But, I, uhh I like to actually see you, you know.”

“I’ve got a lot of school work,” she sighed.

“I can be quiet.” Krista raised a brow as if to remind her of all the previous times they’d hung out when Ymir couldn’t even let her read quietly in her living room. “Listen, I brought some of my own homework tonight and I thought we could work together tonight, _if_ that’s okay.”

Krista turned to her with a look of smiling shock. “Of course that’s okay!” She looked back down at the sink again as she started washing a few dishes. “I just, I don’t want to bore you or anything. I have a lot of work to do already.”

“Hey,” Ymir said pushing Krista’s shoulder lightly. “You don’t bore me. What bores me is sitting out here keeping up with the Kardashians while I could be hanging out with you.” She watched the side of Krista’s face as the light cheeks began to slightly flush and she was a small smile start to take form. But it was a private smile, just for herself.

Krista became stern again, point at Ymir. “Or doing something quietly in my room for a few hours while I work?”

“Whatever you want, Blondie,” she insisted, her hands in the air.

“Okay,” Krista agreed.

“Okay.” Ymir smiled. She was in.

                                                                        *          *          *

There was an extra desk in Krista’s room which Krista had filled with a few books and a container of pens. Krista took a few books off of it and sat down at the desk kitty-corner which was already full of notes sheets and post-it-notes.

“Got a lot to do tonight, college girl?” She asked plopping her workbooks on the spare desk.

“Tonight?” she sighed. “Just readings, but I should really start working on this paper due in a week although it isn’t very long.”

“That’s not so bad then, huh?”

“Well, maybe if the readings weren’t so long or…dense,” she said flipping through a terribly large textbook with small text. “Anatomy is going to be a challenge,” she admitted.

“Gross,” Ymir stuck her tongue out. “This is why I leave college work for you to do.”

Krista simply sighed, and then looked over at Ymir. “What are you working on?”

Ymir felt the uncontrollable urge to hide her workbooks. Her arms twitched, but she held in place, cheeks flushing. “I-it’s nothing really. You probably have done it a million times.” She had never done her school work around anyone except for Levi because she didn’t want anyone to know how stupid she was. It was embarrassing. And Levi, well he’d already seen her at her worst, so what was the harm? But this was Krista. “It’s stupid.”

“Nonsense, I’m sure they’re making you know stuff I’ve already forgotten,” Krista smiled kindly. “High school work was hard because they expected you to know so much pointless information about a lot of subjects.”

Ymir perked up. Krista never really complained about school. “It’s fucking bullshit,” she grinned. “I feel like my brain is gonna melt from all the memorization.”

Krista chuckled, and it was the most beautiful sound she had never heard. “I feel the same way.” Ymir paused. She couldn’t believe Krista had just admitted school was hard.

“No way, you’re a genius.”

“I’m not a genius, and neither are you. But we can work hard,” she smiled.

Ymir nodded as they both returned to her work. But even though she was back to filling out pointless worksheets on grammar, she couldn’t help grinning. Krista had smiled at her even though she was just a dumb high school drop-out.

                                                                        *          *          *

After a few hours of paper ruffling and highlighting and the occasional breaks of conversation in which Krista whispered terminology to herself, which Ymir would ask her to explain, Krista began to yawn more and more. Ymir turned to sit in her chair backwards and put her elbows on Krista’s desk.

“Go to sleep, Blondie,” Ymir insisted. After the fifth yawn in a row.

“I can’t yet,” she whined, dropping her head into the spine of her book.

“You’re exhausted. You have been all week. Do yourself a favor and sleep.”

“I am perfectly fine thanks,” she said, trying to stifle another yawn.

“You don’t sound perfectly fine,” Ymir said joining Krista by putting her face down on the desk. Krista didn’t respond for a minute. Ymir wondered if she was asleep. Krista looked peaceful, at ease. She wanted more than anything to ask her again how Krista felt about her. Ymir was falling so hard, but Krista didn’t want to talk about it. It was all Ymir wanted to talk about: Krista, Krista, Krista. She just wanted some clue that she wasn’t being some hopeless fool not catching Krista’s hints to back off. “Are you mad at me,” she whispered. Krista opened up an eye slowly bunching her eyebrows.

“For what?” she whispered.

Ymir startled, she hadn’t intended to say it. “For-for asking you if you had feelings for me,” she whispered.

Krista propped her elbows up on the desk and looked down. “That happened so long ago.” She looked confused.

“Forget I said it.” _God, why did I start this?_ she thought, instantly regretting even bringing the subject back up. She was just going to get in trouble again.

“No, why would I be mad?”

“I just, shouldn’t have asked again. You just haven’t talked about it since then.”

“I thought we were done talking about it.”

“You’re right, we are.” Ymir said a little sadly, but then thinking back to Krista’s non-committal response, she had to continue. “I just couldn’t help wondering why you don’t answer me directly, and I don’t even know if you’re gay. But after I asked you seemed a bit angry. Am I missing some big sign?”

“Ymir.” Krista calmed stopping Ymir’s rant by grabbing her shoulders, their faces inches apart. Krista’s eyes were sparkling blue and piercing right into hers. Ymir’s heart skipped a beat. Krista was so close. Krista closed her eyes and whispered, “I’m tired.”

“You’re _tired_?” Ymir cried, breaking out of Krista’s hands.

“Yes,” Krista insisted. “You’re right, I’m exhausted. And I can’t—” she pulled her body close, cradling her arms before pushing back a strand of hair behind her ear. “I can’t answer you like this.”

“It’s easy. Either you like me or you don’t,” Ymir snapped. She was afraid she was never going to get an answer from Krista—that Krista would keep dancing around it. On the other hand, Ymir mused, Krista was afraid of something. She took a deep breath to calm down a little. “You know I’m not just going to drop you if you say no right?”

“I know that,” Krista insisted quietly.

“Then what’s holding you back?”

“Ymir I want—”

“—more time” Ymir finished impatiently.

“No! Well, I mean, yes, but that’s not what I was trying to say.”

“Then what were you trying to say?”

Krista opened her mouth as if to speak and then turned away.

“I just…wish you’d say something.” Ymir swallowed. This is not how she’d pictured this conversation going. She was supposed to apologize for forcing Krista to talk about her feelings when she might not have been comfortable. God, she was an idiot. But, hey, this was closer to the truth of how she felt.

Krista was still hunched over, her hair slightly falling in her face. Ymir searched for any signs that Krista was going to answer, but instead she saw the smaller girls shoulders slightly shake. Krista put a hand up to her face to wipe away a tear, she was crying.

_No no no no no._ This was definitely not in her plan. Ymir immediately stepped out of her chair and kneeled next to Krista, taking her small body into a hug. Krista’s head lay on her shoulder, but the girl’s arms still lay at her sides. As Ymir rubbed her back, trying to soothe out the cries she murmured.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, Krista. I’m sorry.” _God, I’m an idiot_. This is the last thing she wanted. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. You said you were tired and I should have just let you go to sleep. This is what I warned you about, I can be such an idiot. But listen, you don’t have to say anything, okay. You just want to be friends, and I should have just accepted that. I should have and I will. It’s all okay.” She was ranting again. But Ymir was in panic mode, she wasn’t used to people crying. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” she repeated as Krista started shaking less. Krista gently wrapped her arms around Ymir’s torso, and it was enough to make Ymir settle into silence.

Krista sniffled a few more times then spoke softly, her voice rough from crying. “I’m scared, Ymir.”

Her heart stopped. “Scared of what?” Krista pulled her tighter, but didn’t respond. “Scared of me?” Ymir whispered.

Krista shook her head into the crook of Ymir’s neck. “You make me feel safe, but—” Krista stopped herself and clutched at the fabric of Ymir’s shirt.

“But what,” Ymir whispered. _What happened to Krista to make her so scared?_ She felt suddenly like she was holding a fragile piece of glass.

Krista shook her head in response.

Ymir pulled the small girl tighter as if she could take away the fear, as if she could protect her from anything.

“I want to be friends with you. Just friends. Can you do that?” Krista begged.

Ymir leaned back and put her hands on Krista’s slim shoulders. Krista still looked scared and had red rims around her eyes, but that just made her blue eyes shine brighter. Ymir wanted to know so much, like why Krista couldn’t answer her directly. But here it was, the ultimate sign that Ymir should back off. Ymir could do “just friends,” but she wanted to figure out exactly what it was that made Krista so sad tonight, why she was scared.

“Of course I can do just friends if you’re not mad at me for being an idiot.”

Krista wiped at her eyes and smiled lightly. “I was never mad at you. I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

“Don’t apologize for this,” Ymir insisted. Krista nodded at her and then yawned loudly. “Alright, kitten, time for bed.”

“I should really finish this,” Krista said sadly. Ymir grinned at her, a plan forming. Krista’s eyes widened. “What are you smiling about?” she asked cautiously. Krista shouted a quick “Hey!” as Ymir swept Krista out of her chair, picking her up bridal style.

“I can’t let you go on wearing yourself out.” Ymir glanced over at Krista to see her pouting. “It’s idiotic,” she insisted.

“Put me down, Ymir,” Krista insisted with a small smile.

“There’s only one place I will put you down,” Ymir walked over to her bed and set down the giggling blonde. “Do I have to tuck you in?”

“No, Ymir,” she said straitening to a seated position. “But you can’t make me sleep, you know,” she smiled.

“No I can’t,” Ymir admitted staring down at the girl. “But I can carry you from you bed to the desk as many times as it takes to get you to stop working.”

Krista groaned. “Fine, I’ll go to sleep.”

As Ymir lay on the pull-out couch after seeing to it that Krista at least put on her pajamas and laid down, she found she couldn’t sleep. Krista had finally pinned her to friendship, and Ymir was going to comply. She couldn’t help but feel disappointed that the beautiful, caring, interesting, all around-perfect girl didn’t want her, but she didn’t blame Krista. She just wanted to mourn the loss of the weird hope she’d had for them. If there ever was a _them_. Running a hand through those blonde locks, giving her surprise gifts, holding her hand, seeing that smile as she woke up next to her. _But I can still do some of those things as a friend, right? I just need to…dial back the lesbian a bit._

Ymir smiled to herself. This was going to be hard, but Krista was worth it.

                                                                        *          *          *

Ymir sighed deeply as she looked over the counter of her register, looking at the same small shop she had worked at for three years. Day in, day out. Same old shop. At least business had picked up since the college students returned. Still, there was only one college student she wanted to see. Even if Krista continually rejected her, she still couldn’t get enough of the blonde. This was going to be the death of her.

“Ugh I’m a sad, lonely lesbian,” she sighed to herself.

“At least you admit it,” came the smiling voice of her cousin Marco who appeared on her register with a box of lemondrops.

“Marco! What the shit are you doing here?” She hadn’t seen the kid in a few weeks, she’d mostly been staying over at Connie’s and Krista’s because Connie gave her warnings when Jean would be over.

“Well, I was in the neighborhood, and figured I’d stop in and see if my favorite cousin was still alive,” he smiled.

“And the lemon drops are for me right?” she asked ringing up the item. Marco grabbed them from her hand after they scanned and held them close.

“They are yours for when you come stay over again,” he promised.

“Sly bastard.” Her eyes narrowed. “What do you want to see me for so badly anyway? I thought you had your Jean-y boy.”

He blushed. “I don’t spend all of my time with him. And anyways, we’re still not dating?”

Ymir laughed. “Sure thing, freckles. Still having sexual fantasies about him?”

Marco sighed and raised an eyebrow. “How are things with Krista, miss lonely lesbian?”

“She just wants a friend,” Ymir sighed. “And I want to be that friend, but god, Marco. I just get this feeling when I’m around her like…” she stopped. It was a precious feeling to her. Giddy and yet calm. She felt wanted, she felt important.

“Oh, you’re in trouble now, Ymir. You’re falling for her,” Marco smiled brightly.

Ymir groaned. “I am, coz. That girl is my sun and stars!”

“Oh boy Ymir, I think your heart just grew ten sizes! Are you going to give back Christmas?”

Ymir smacked him on the arm a few times for good measure while Marco giggled at his own joke. “Your insults are like dad jokes, you ass. Besides, I’ve always had a big heart.”

“Ow! I know, I know.” His face grew serious. “Just be careful. I don’t want to see you hurt again.”

“I won’t be,” she smirked. “And anyway, like I said, I’m gonna be the best friend that girl ever had, so no worries.” Suddenly she looked down at her watch. “Shit! I gotta get out of here!” She quickly signed out of her register, and started towards Levi’s office.

“Where are you going?” Marco called.

“Gotta go see Krista!”

Ymir rounded the corner to Levi’s office and poked her head in. Levi was once again surrounded in paperwork. Ymir had always thought it couldn’t all be from the store. He had to be sorting through something else all day. Maybe he was a secret free-lance accountant or a gang leader—she didn’t really care.

“I’m going to head out early today, chief.” She was in a hurry, so she twitched as she waited for a quick sign of approval. Levi, of course didn’t look up from his papers, so she turned on her heel taking his silence as approval, as she often did when it suited her needs.

“Ymir,” he said softly.

She stopped in her tracks. “What?” she asked impatiently. She was in a hurry and hoped this wouldn’t take long.

“Stop house-hopping and spend some time with your mother.”

Ymir seethed. Of course her mother called Levi because she was never around. Like it would matter anyway. Her mom got home just in time to sleep, so it’s not like they really saw each other. “Yeah, whatever.”

“That is all,” he dismissed.

Ymir turned on her heel trying to push back her anger. She could deal with this later—for now, Krista. She was going to see Krista.

As she headed to the car, she threw off the Ackerman’s polo revealing the tanktop she had underneath. Today she was going to surprise Krista with lunch after class. She wanted to be plenty early. So she placed the food she nabbed from the store on the seat beside her and drove as quickly as she could.

It hadn’t taken long for Ymir to memorize Krista’s schedule so she knew that soon Krista would be done with Anatomy and have a two hour break before her next class which meant Ymir could just fit in some time before she had to head to work at the bar.

                                                                        *          *          *

It was a hot, sunny day on campus. No sign of fall weather yet, which usually pissed off Ymir, but she couldn’t be angry today. She had to make things up to Krista for making her cry. Sitting outside what Sasha had promised was the science building, she pulled out her phone.

**To Blondie:**

**When you get out of class, look by the Elk statue.**

The response was almost immediate.

**From Blondie:**

**Did you come to see me?!** **J**

**Wait, shouldn’t you be at work?**

**To Blondie:**

**Of course.**

A slow trickle of students began to fill up the courtyard as Ymir flipped her phone shut. She stood up and looked through the crowd of faces. So many people were talking, looking tired, and carrying large books. But where was Krista? Finally she spotted the short blonde walking next to another blonde—a guy with an unfortunate bowl cut. Armin. She almost felt jealous of how happy Krista looked next to him, but then Krista spotted Ymir. The smile that broke over her face as she waved a greeting shot straight through Ymir’s heart.

“I can’t believe you’re here!” she greeted brightly, Armin in tow. Her face turned stern as she added, “But why did you skip work?”

“Purely for selfish reasons,” she smirked. “And anyway, I got permission from the boss.”

Krista smiled pleasantly at Ymir for a moment before Armin shuffled next to her.

“Hey, Armin! What happened to the glasses? I almost didn’t recognize you,” Ymir greeted. She remembered Armin as looking (if possible) even more nerdy.

“Contacts,” he smiled. “How are things at the store? You missing Eren?”

Ymir laughed brightly. “There’s so much less trouble at the store without him. So, yeah. I could use some mischief.”

“That’s what Eren is best at, really,” Armin smiled.

Ymir laughed again, and then pulled Krista into a light side hug. “So, you’re quickly forming a nerd herd with Armin, huh Krista?”

“We’re helping each other study, yes,” she smiled.

“The class load is ridiculous,” Armin exasperated.

“But you have no trouble keeping up with it. Armin is so smart, even the professors notice and the lecture hall is packed.”

“Ah, but no one could be smarter than my Krista,” Ymir insisted, taking her arm off Krista’s shoulder. “Listen, Armin, you mind if I steal Blondie away from you for a bit?”

“Not a problem,” he smiled. “I have to go to another class anyway.” As he waved to Krista and disappeared back into the crowd, Ymir picked up her cooler full of food.

“Alright, college girl, where would you like to eat your pre-made lunch today? Your choice.”

Krista beamed. “I can’t believe you, Ymir.” The she grabbed the taller girl by the wrist and dragged her across campus explaining how she’d found this little nook by accident when she’d gotten lost looking for her writing course. Down a hallway in the oldest building she’d found a small staircase that lead up to a room with several potted plants that had a cushioned window seat overlooking the campus’s courtyard. The windows were open to let in the light breeze. “Not a lot of people come up here—it’s just storage for the grounds keeper, and he and I are on good terms now,” she smiled.

So Ymir and Krista sat facing one another in the window, looking at the few sandwiches, fruit and juice that Ymir had brought. It wasn’t much, but Ymir had gotten them for free—one of the perks of her job. Still, Krista thought it was wonderful and couldn’t stop smiling up at Ymir in a way that could have broken a weaker heart. Ymir just swallowed thickly and quipped, “You gonna eat or stare at me, shortstuff?”

Krista apologized and blushed as she took a bite of her sandwich.

“I just can’t believe how great of a friend you are Ymir.”

It was Ymir’s turn to blush. “I’m not a great friend. I’m a shitty one,” she admitted.

“That’s not true. You always make me laugh, and you’re introduced me to a lot of very nice people. I don’t think I could have even moved in my dorm without you, Ymir. I think you’re a great friend!”

“That’s cause you see the good in everyone, Krista.” The blonde girl’s eyes widened when Ymir said her name. “But I _am_ an idiot.” More quietly she added, “And I want to apologize for how I acted.”

“But—”

“I’m only going to apologize this once.”

“But I don’t—”

“And don’t pretend like I didn’t hurt you.”

“But that was—”

“Ah!” Ymir interrupted. “Can’t you just accept my apology like a normal person?”

Krista screwed up her mouth into a wry smile that set fire to Ymir’s insides. Then the girl rolled her eyes. “I accept. But—”

“See, but now is where you tell me what you want me to change to not make a big mistake again.”

“But, Ymir I—”

“No ‘buts.’”

“ _Ymir_.”

“No backing out now, you’ve already started eating the apology lunch.”

Krista sighed deeply. “Okay, okay.”

Ymir settled down into the silence that followed. “What do you want, Krista?” Krista looked uncomfortable in the silence. “Anything. Even the clothes off my back.”

Krista smiled mischievously. “First, I want your sandwich…and all your juice.”

“But a girl’s gotta eat,” she complained. Krista simply held her hand out. Ymir reluctantly gave them to her.

“Then I want you to, ummm, take out your hair piece and put it in my hair.”

Ymir smiled—she hated having her hair down, but she couldn’t lie, she wanted to see Krista wearing her hair piece. “You’ll have to put down those sandwiches, your highness.”

Krista complied, putting both of their sandwiches down gently on the cooler that sat between them. Ymir pulled the wooden stick out of the leather strap that held her hair in a low pony-tail and shook out her hair briefly. Her hair was a dark brown, stick straight, and thick. It framed her face in light layers, reaching just below her shoulders. She just couldn’t stand the way it got in her face all the time when she had it down. As Ymir looked over at Krista the girl had bitten her lip slightly and was fiddling with a strand of her long blond waves. “Stand up, Krista.”

Ymir turned Krista guiding her shoulders and ran her hand through Krista’s soft locks. She could still smell the girl’s flowery shampoo. But before she could get lost in the smell, she pulled her hair into a low ponytail and fastened it with her hair piece. “It-it looks good,” she stuttered, still holding onto a few soft locks of her hair.

Krista turned around, blushing. She played with her bangs for a moment. “I was only joking about taking your stuff,” she rushed handing Ymir’s food back to her. As she reached back to undo the tie Ymir stopped her hand.

“Don’t.” Krista looked up at her with those large blue eyes. “I-I want you to have it.” Ymir sat down and gestured for Krista to do the same. “I have more at home.”

“Thank you, Ymir.”

As Krista sat there, sun dancing on her face, looking so serene, Ymir couldn’t help but feel sentimental. “My dad used to love that one. It’s got a little stripe of blue on it that he said reminded him of my mom’s eyes. He used to wear it when he was working on cars, said it helped him focus. He gave it to me before he left, but I think you should have it, since it matches your eyes, you know?”

Ymir couldn’t make eye contact with Krista. She never talked about her father anymore. She was mentally kicking herself for being so gushy.

“Where’s your father now?”

“He’s in jail,” Ymir took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, Ymir.”

“Don’t be. It’s his own damn fault.”

“Well, if it’s special to you, then I really shouldn’t have it.” Krista loosened the hair piece and slipped it out of her hair, holding it out to Ymir. “You can use it to remember your father.”

“No, that’s why you should have it. Because you’re special to me.” Ymir’s heart was pounding again as she closed Krista’s hand around the hair piece. “And if you wear it I’ll still see it all the time.” Krista’s eyes were wide. “That is if you want it!” Ymir rushed. She realized that she was once again pushing something on Krista that the girl probably didn’t even want. “If you don’t then I’ll just take it back, it’s fine.” 

“No,” Krista decided quietly. “I’d love to help you remember your father. And I’ve decided what I want from your apology.”

Ymir raised an eyebrow. “This gift doesn’t count?”

Krista shook her head. “Can I come over to your house and meet your mom?”

Ymir sighed. Apparently the universe wanted her to spend more time with her mother. “Yeah, I can do that.”

“And,” Krista continued.

“There’s an ‘and’?”

“Of course,” Krista smiled. “I want you to stop apologizing now.”

“Can do, blondie.” Ymir smirked.

                                                                        *          *          *

“Hey Mom,” Ymir greeted. She had been sitting at the dining room table for over two hours waiting for her mom to finally get off work. It had taken her a few days to finally buckle down and plan to see her mom, but this was for Krista.

Her mother nodded coldly, slipping her purse onto the table and sitting down across the table. She looked exhausted. “So, you’ve finally come home?”

“I know you called Levi.”

“I was worried about you!”

“Then why didn’t you talk to me about it?” Ymir shouted. Her mom always did this.

“I tried, Ymir! But you never answered me. What was I supposed to think?”

Her mom was right. Ymir had refused to talk to her mother for almost two weeks after their last fight. Ymir sighed. “I didn’t come here to fight, mom.”

“Oh, then what did you come here for? Did you change your mind about your father?”

“No, I didn’t,” Ymir seethed through grit teeth.

“Honey, you know he misses you,” her mom reached out to touch Ymir’s hand. Ymir shook it off.

“I don’t want to see him, mom.” She insisted.

“I don’t know where all this anger is coming from, young lady.”

“It doesn’t matter, mom. Can we just not talk about it?” Her mom shut her mouth.

“If you don’t want to talk about that, what are you here for? Do you need money?”

“I’m making my own money,” she seethed. It was as if she could never have a civil conversation with her mother.

“Then what?”

“Can you just listen?” she asked impatiently. Ymir took a breath, she felt the strangeness of the request. Ymir had probably only ever invited Connie and Marco over to her house because they were like family to her. Even then, it didn’t matter whether or not her mother was home. This felt too different. “My friend Krista wants to meet you, and I’d like us to all have dinner together when you’re free.”

Her mom blinked a few times, then without warning began to laugh uncontrollably.

“What’s so funny?” Ymir asked.

“It’s just so unexpected,” her mom wheezed between laughs. She wiped away a few tears. “It almost makes us seem like a normal family. You sound so serious. What? Should I bring out the formal dishware?” She joked, as both of them thought of their mismatched cups and plates. Ymir couldn’t help it and began to laugh along.

“Only if you cook the fillet mignon,” Ymir joked.

“Oh, Ymir, Ymir,” her mom sighed, wiping away a few tears. “It’s good to hear you laugh, come here.” She held her arms open for a hug, which Ymir complied to, although she rolled her eyes. “But joking aside, this is strange. You’ve never really had friends over much less asked to have a family dinner.” She narrowed her eyes. “Is she your girlfriend?”

“No, mom,” she sighed.

“Then who is this girl? …is she like Hitch?”

“She’s nothing like Hitch,” Ymir snapped. Her mom recoiled slightly in her chair. Ymir took a breath, clearing away her thoughts of the past. “She’s different, mom. Smart, kind. She’s going to school at Trost.”

Her mom nodded, recovering from Ymir’s outburst. “Good. But why on earth does she want to meet me?”

“Don’t know,” Ymir answered truthfully. “I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m homeless, which I am doing a bad job of disproving.”

“Ah! So she cares about you. It’s nice you’ve finally made decent friends.”

Ymir winced. She couldn’t say her mother was wrong. Most of her old friends let her down, but she’d made plenty of friends before Krista that were keepers.

“Love you too, mom,” she sassed.

“I just worry about you, you know.”

“I’m doing fine on my own,” Ymir insisted.

“You shouldn’t have to.” Her mom looked sad, almost regretful. Ymir just let the moment sit. Her life would have been so different if her mother had been around, then again, maybe she still would have been a little shit and insisted on learning things the hard way, like she always did. “Anything else you wanted to talk about tonight, baby?” Her mom sounded exhausted.

“No mom.”

“Alright then I am going to take a shower and go to sleep.” Her mother walked down the hall to the bathroom, but turned before she reached the door. “Hey Ymir?” Ymir turned. “Does this mean you’ll start staying here more often?”

“Don’t know.” Her mom nodded, but Ymir could see the hurt in her eyes. She put her head on the table feeling like bottom feeding scum. She disappointed everyone. Still, maybe she’d be less disappointing if the world stopped being a disappointment. She banged her head lightly on the table. Only Krista hadn’t been disappointing, and she’d still almost fucked that up. But she hadn’t. She thought of Krista wearing her hair piece in that beautiful room full of plants and she felt calm.

_I’m making a new life for me, and god Krista please be in it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update. I have been busy working at my summer job, so haven't had as much time. Remember when I promised more of Krista's backstory. Well...sorry! It's coming next chapter, bet your buns.


	6. Krista the Savior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Krista wants is to be a savior, but what if Ymir doesn't need to be saved? What if she doesn't want to be?

Krista rested her head in her hands for a moment. Her eyes felt worn from all the reading, and writing, plus she hadn’t been sleeping very well. She closed her eyes and pictured her end goal. Nurse Krista, kindly helping sick patients with a smile on her face.

“Did you find what the most common exocrine gland is yet, Krista?” Armin asked, flipping through their large Anatomy textbook.

She sighed and flipped through her notes one more time. “I am pretty sure Professor Ral said it at some point. Just let me look.”

They both had spread out their books at a table in the library to study for their first exam in Anatomy. This exam would define their whole semester. They needed to do well. As Krista studied, her spread of books and notes had become massive. She found the notes on the glandular system, but they were under Sasha’s computer.

“Sasha,” she called quietly. No response. “Sasha!” The girl had her headphones in, but come to think of it, she had been awfully quiet for the past half an hour.

Krista stood up and leaned over to find that Sasha was, in fact, slouched over her laptop, fast asleep headphones still blaring.

Krista shook the girl’s shoulders lightly until Sasha sat up with a start. “I didn’t do nothing!”

Krista giggled, pulling her notes from under the computer. “Maybe you should go to bed, Sasha. You’re tired.”

“No, no. I’m trying to study like you guys,” she insisted, laying her head down again.

“If you’re going to study like us, you might want to stay awake,” Krista laughed.

“I do what I want,” Sasha insisted sleepily, pulling out a set of her own notes and resting them up against her laptop screen.

Krista shook her head lightly and began searching her notes. “Ah! It’s here—merocrine.”

“Thanks,” Armin smiled, as they both wrote down the answer on their study guide notes.

The two of them returned to their books, exchanging questions and explanations every so often until Krista once again heard Sasha’s even breathing.

“I wish I could sleep tonight,” Krista sighed.

“I know,” Armin agreed. Running a hand through his hair to tie up the top chunk into a ponytail. “But we chose a difficult major.”

Krista nodded. “Why’d you choose nursing, Armin?”

The boy sighed and leaned back in his chair. “My grandfather is in a nursing home. He doesn’t like a lot of things about it, but he loves his nursing staff. They always laugh at his jokes and one of them is even helping him smuggle in candy to other residents.” Armin smiled deeply and shrugged “I guess I just want to be that person to others.”

“Your grandfather sounds like a character,” Krista smiled.

“He is. He can get into a lot of trouble, but he’s my only family.” Armin smiled brightly reliving memories. “How about you?”

Krista smiled and told the same short answer she gave everyone. “I want to help people, so I’ve always wanted to be a nurse.”

“Well, then that’s why we can’t sleep,” Armin smiled. Armin glanced back down at his spread of notes, and clucked. “I think I’ve been looking at this too long.”

“I agree,” Krista laughed.

“Tell me, how was your lunch with Ymir?”

“It was wonderful,” Krista smiled. “Ymir is such a great friend to me!”

“I’m glad! I didn’t know her very well when Eren was working at Ackerman’s, but she always seemed so lively! Of course, Eren looked up to her a bit.”

“Really?” Krista smiled with pride. She knew she couldn’t be the only one who saw the good in Ymir.

“Yeah, she had come from a similar place and was surviving. He used to talk about how cool she seemed, and wished he could do the same.”

“I know what he means,” Krista smiled lightly. Ymir seemed to be so together, so certain of what she wanted and so honest to others about it. She wished she could do the same.

That night in her room when Ymir had told her she wished Krista would _say something_ about her feelings, there was so much Krista couldn’t say. So much she was scared of. She wished that she could be above everything thing in her life. She wanted to be over the past, but it stayed with her not matter how hard she tried.

“You must really like Ymir,” Armin mused, bringing her out of her thoughts.

Krista nodded, blushing slightly. She couldn’t tell Armin just how much she was beginning to like Ymir. She’d never felt this way about someone before. The way her heart ached when she thought about Ymir like she was excited and scared. Krista unconsciously touched Ymir’s hair tie that she was wearing to study. She smiled remembering Ymir’s forced apology that she hadn’t even asked for, but she was glad Ymir insisted. “Ymir and I are very good friends,” she sang.

“Mikasa said you two work together?” Amrin asked.

“Yeah, that’s where we met. I guess I don’t really work there very often now, just on weekends.”

“Hm, that grocery store seems to bring a lot of friendships together,” he laughed.

“It does,” Krista agreed. “But I am so glad I met Ymir and now you and Mikasa. Although I was really unsure if I liked Ymir a first because she was a little scary. I didn’t know if she liked me or hated me.”

Armin laughed. “I know what you mean. Some people feel the same way about Mikasa.”

“Oh no! I know Mikasa is wonderful,” Krista insisted. “But maybe that’s just because I’m so used to Ymir by now.” Truthfully, Mikasa did scare her a little, but she trusted in Ymir’s judgement. And Mikasa seemed to truly care for Eren and Armin, so she felt safe in her estimation of her character.

“It’s good to have friends like them. They are caring and honest, if a little blunt sometimes.”

“But it’s also nice to be friends with someone just as caring, but calm and quiet like you.” Armin was a very kind, thoughtful, intelligent boy. She had been so nervous her first day of classes, but Armin had sat next to her and made her feel comfortable. As she flashed a smile his direction she thought she saw a hint of blush on his cheeks.

He coughed. “We really should get back to studying though, huh?”

“Yes!” She looked back to her notes, but then checked her phone and saw the time. “Is it that late already? I forgot to call my aunt. Will you excuse me for a moment?”

Armin nodded and returned his face to his books.

Krista stepped out of the library and stood under a street lamp, watching small groups of students pass by even this late at night.

The phone rang twice before she heard the call connect.

“Ah Krista! I wasn’t sure if you’d call tonight, you being a big college student now and everything.” Hanji sounded cheerful, but Krista thought she caught a hint of sadness.

“I will always need you, aunty. I just got caught up studying at the library.”

“Oh, should I whisper?” Hanji asked lowering her voice.

Krista laughed, “No, Hanji, I’m outside now.”

“Me too! I think a chill is coming and I don’t want my garden to be ruined! We have so many more important tests to run. I just finished checking the Ph of the soil and I wanted to play them some music while they slept.”

“Have you been sleeping outside with them again?”

“Eh…no?” Hanji squeaked. Krista gave her a hard look which she realized Hanji couldn’t see.

“If you stay out there, you’ll ruin your back. Can you sleep inside tonight, just for me?” Krista begged. Hanji liked to sleep in a cot on the roof if it wasn’t too rainy, but it was an old cot and always kinked her back.

“But the plants need me,” Hanji pouted.

“I think they’d understand if you took the night off.”

“Okay,” Hanji reluctantly agreed. “Oh are you ready for your first test, Krista? Petra says it will be a hard one, but I know you can do it! You’ve been working so hard, just like me when I was an undergraduate. Of course, I almost never slept and lived off of coffee.”

Krista swallowed. She really needed to do well on this test to prove she was worthy of her new life. But what if it was too hard for her. “I’m sure I’ll be fine,” she tried to sound cheerful, but it was weak.

“Of course, Krista! You take after me that way! But you can always ask me for help if you need it, but I can’t get you all the answers. Oh! Moblit is calling! I think he finally woke up and got my emergency texts! Did I tell you that Sonny and Bean are dying! I think they are sad. Talk to you later Krista!” Hanji hung up on her with a click, as usual leaving Krista in a whirlwind of random ideas. Krista just shook her head. At least Hanji was keeping busy like usual, but Krista could tell she was getting lonely without her. Maybe Hanji needed more friends than just poor Moblit.

Krista considered heading back into the library, but her head hurt just thinking of all the terms and formulas and processes. She decided to take a quick walk around the courtyard to clear her head. The night air was cool and welcoming.

Krista loved the way her campus had green spaces for playing games, and trees to study under. It was such a peaceful place for being in a city. She walked past the science building staring at the elk statue Ymir had stood by when she very nearly ran into someone. The figure in front of her startled and dropped something.

“Sorry!” Krista apologized, reaching down to pick up a small purse.

The girl in front of her snatched up her purse quickly and eyed Krista up and down. The girl had short blonde hair and was wearing a fairly skimpy dress and heels. Krista couldn’t imagine why she was so dressed up for a Sunday night unless there was a party somewhere.

“You go here, right?” the girl asked raising an eyebrow.

“I do, Krista nodded.

“Thank God. Do you know where the Gamma Rho Lambda house is? The guy I got directions from is a little under the weather,” she smirked.

“Sorry, I don’t really know any of the frat houses.”

“It’s actually a sorority. Thanks anyway, kid,” she said walking past Krista. As Krista started walking away as well the strange girl called out to her. “Hey, you don’t wanna come party with us do you, blondie?”

Krista was surprised to hear anyone other than Ymir call her that. She turned around to see the other girl smirking at her. Krista didn’t really like the way she smiled, like it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “No thanks,” she called. She didn’t like parties anyway and she had a test to study for.

“What’s your name?” the strange girl raised her eyebrow.

“Krista.” While she felt a bit uncomfortable, she didn’t want to lie to the girl.

“Alright Krista, I’m Hitch. You change your mind about partying, you come find me,” she smiled, then turned to walk around slowly.

Krista wanted to call out ‘But it’s Sunday.’ She couldn’t believe college students had the time to party on Sundays, but she just shrugged it off. It was getting late and she didn’t want to stay at the library much longer.

When she got back to the library she finished her study guide with Armin’s help and then shook Sasha awake and nearly had to drag her to get her to go back to their dorm room. But while Sasha got to go sleep in her warm bed, Krista stayed up for several more hours going over her notes and textbooks again.

Krista sat at her desk yawning once again and wished that Ymir was there to make her sleep, or just to keep her company. Ymir knew just how to make her smile. At least in a few days, she’d get to see Ymir and meet her mom. Then she could feel certain that Ymir was safe. She felt fairly certain that Ymir’s mom was different than hers, but something about the way Ymir treated her home made her feel scared. Ymir got distant and Krista knew she wasn’t telling her everything. Krista knew that look very well. She always had it on her face when she talked about her family. Because no one needed to know her past, her history. It wouldn’t do anyone any good to talk about it.

                                                                        *          *          *

Krista took a deep breath the test was over, she had finished all her classes for the day. Now all she had to do was wait. She sat leaning on the arm of the couch in her living area with her legs crossed and lap top sitting in front of her. She wiggled her toes for a moment. _Is it too soon?_ She hit refresh one more time on her class’s web page to see if her professor had updated their grades. Not yet. She sighed and leaned her head back, bouncing her legs up and down. Her stomach was a jumble and her chest felt tight. _Why isn’t it up yet?_ She reached instinctively for her phone. She had one message. She smiled.

**From: Ymir**

**Did you survive your first test? I was going to make a blood sacrifice but forgot. Oops.**

**To: Ymir**

**I’m alive, but she hasn’t posted the grades yet and I’m anxious.**

As soon as she set the phone down her phone lit up with the picture of Ymir sticking her tongue out. Ymir was calling.

“Hello?” She could hear the sound of music and people talking in the background.

“I’m willing to bet you are just off the walls nervous, huh?”

Krista ran a hand through her hair as she wiggled her toes again. She considered lying but thought better. “I’m going to throw up. I just wish she’d add the grades right now.” Krista hit refresh again.

Ymir laughed lightly. “How long have you been sitting around waiting?”

“Not long,” Krista lied.

“Bull shit. You packed for college weeks early.”

Krista sighed. “Only 3 hours, but I had nothing better to do, really.”

“You know, blondie, maybe—”

“Hey, barkeep!” Came a muffled voice from Ymir’s end.

“Can’t you see I’m on the phone?” Krista just knew Ymir was glaring at the man who shouted. There was a muffled reply to which Ymir responded. “Yeah, yeah, coming right up. Anyway, what I was trying to say is that maybe you’d feel better if you had something to distract you. Where are Miks and Sash?”

“Mikasa is at Eren’s and Sasha has an evening class.” She was all alone in her suite which she appreciated when she was studying, but was a bit unnerving now when she had too much time to sit and think.

“I guess I’ll just have to keep you occupied then.”

“But Ymir, you’re at work.”

“Big deal. Here you are, ya drunk. Happy now?” Krista thought she heard some inappropriate words mumbled back before Ymir continued. “I am at work all the time, it doesn’t really matter. Plus it’s a Monday. The only ones stupid enough to be out are our resident drunks, some happy hour fanatics, and Connie.” Krista heard a light “ayyy” which she supposed came from the man himself.

“Tell Connie I say hi,” she smiled. It had been a while since she’d seen him, actually they hadn’t hung out since the night they played video games at his house. Since then he’d only stopped by the store a few times to say hi.

“He told you to get a fake ID and come over.” Krista could feel the smile in her voice.

“Ah but he thinks I don’t already have one,” she joked.

Ymir laughed. “Then get your skinny ass over here, and let the booze soothe your worries.”

“Somehow, I just don’t think that’s the best way to do it, Ymir.” Krista had never really wanted to be drunk. Although hanging out with Ymir sounded wonderful and she would love to see where she worked.

“Ah, you’re such a goodie-two-shoes, Blondie.”

“And I’d like to keep it that way,” she insisted looking down to refresh her computer one more time, only the screen was asleep. As she hit the refresh button one last time, school wifi had kicked her off, so she needed to resign in. She sighed.

“Huh?” Ymir asked distantly. “Oh, Connie wants to talk to you.” There was shuffling sounds as Ymir handed off the phone. Krista typed in her password for the internet, holding the phone on her shoulder with her head.

“Hi Krista! You need to come join us, it’s basically just me and Harold and he’s a grouch.”

Krista thought she heard a ‘humph’ in the background. “I don’t think you two ought to make fun of that poor man so much, especially if he’s a loyal customer.”

Connie laughed. “Ymir, Krista just called Harold a loyal customer.”

Distantly she heard Ymir shout, “He’s only loyal because all the other bars have kicked him out.”

“Harold’s quite proud of that fact, actually,” Connie explained. “Tell Ymir again how you got kicked out of Finnigan’s,” Connie chuckled deeply and added in a whisper, “Ymir hates that story.”

Krista was once again logging into her student account, God this redo was taking forever—she never should have gotten distracted.

“Harold sounds interesting,” Krista mused, not really paying attention.

“He is. Actually for all that Ymir makes fun of him, I think she gets a kick out of him or just making fun of him. Harold is really straight forward.” Connie continued on, but Krista was busy searching through her classes to find the grades section once again. Once she’d clicked on the grades page she skimmed down for exam one. It was bolded. She closed her eyes.

“My grade is in!” she couldn’t help shouting.

Connie stopped dead in his tracks of whatever story he was telling to shout just as loud, “Your grade is in?! Is it your first exam grade?”

“Yes.” She was too afraid to look. Oh what if it was bad, what would she do?

“Did you look at it?” Connie asked after a pause.

“No,” Krista swallowed. “I don’t think I can.”

“It’s just like ripping off a band aid. There’s nothing you can do about it now, the test is over. You gotta do it fast. I know how you feel.”

She took her hand off her eyes, but kept her lids sealed shut. “Okay. I’m going to do it.”

“No shame. You can do it.”

She opened her eyes. There in permanent black type was her grade. **Exam 1: 84/100**

“I got a B.” She couldn’t believe it. All that studying and she couldn’t get an A. She hadn’t gotten a B in many years. She couldn’t get a B.

“Hey! Congrats! My first test I got a D, although it was a fairly easy course, I was just hungover, oops. Hey, Ymir Krista got a B!”

Krista tried to smile. Of course she could have done much worse, but she couldn’t shake that bad feeling she got in the pit of her stomach. Like she was worthless. Her grades were a reflection of herself and her family. _They_ had always told her that, but then again she was far away from. Still, she was greatly disappointed.

“Thanks, Connie,” she said weakly, wanting to curl up in her bed.

“Hey hand that phone back ya prick,” she heard Ymir gripe from a distance. Connie grumbled, but handed the phone over. “Hey, you did a good job, Blondie,” Ymir congratulated gently.

“Thanks,” Krista sighed.

“Hey, don’t sound so grumpy, brainiack,” she teased. Then when Krista didn’t responded, she become more serious. “What’s wrong?”

“I just—I just should have done better,” Krista sighed, feeling tears at the back of her eyes.

“Well then fuck that teacher for not giving you what you deserve,” Ymir seethed.

“No, it’s not her fault,” Krista practically laughed at how defensive Ymir became. “It’s me,” she sighed. “I studied, but I must have messed up. My teachers need to see better scores. God, everyone’s going to think I’m a failure.”

“Krista,” Ymir sighed. Krista felt a shiver. Ymir saying her name sounded so intimate even when Ymir was frustrated at her. “You don’t need to be so melodramatic. Just be good enough for you.”

Krista’s face felt warm. Ymir had such a kind heart, but she couldn’t stop herself from saying, “That’s not how you get through college. Test scores are everything. I’m sure my professors think I’m just a name on a page or a grade—and now I’m a B.”

“My Krista could never be a B. Anyone who thinks that can suck my dick.”

Krista smiled. She really wished that Ymir was right. She sighed again.

“Still gloomy I see. Well, you’ll just have to study harder next time and show them what you’re made of. Just do it for yourself—don’t do it for your stuffy professors. We only got one life, Krista, don’t let anyone else’s expectations stop you. You gotta live for yourself.”

“I’ll try,” Krista replied. Ymir’s philosophy was so foreign to her. She was having trouble processing it. She’d almost never lived her life just for herself. The only time she had was before she’d met Hanji and although she didn’t regret all her decisions, she didn’t want to be selfish anymore. Selfish people couldn’t be loved and that’s all she wanted.

“That’s my Krista,” Ymir cooed.

“You’ve certainly been using my name a lot tonight. I thought you said it didn’t fit me.”

“It fits you sometimes, blondie.”

Once again Krista’s heart was racing. She wondered if Ymir knew her real name. She wondered if Ymir knew that Krista was just someone she wanted to be. Nice and caring, sweet and innocent.

She wanted to snap at Ymir, deny that she might be a very different person than she seemed. Instead she quietly said “I have to go Ymir.”

“Hey wait,” Ymir added. Krista heard the crowd noise die down as she assumed Ymir walked out of the room. “My mom agreed to dinner on Thursday night,” Ymir added. “But I still don’t see why you want to do this. You really don’t have to meet her.”

Krista had almost forgotten about their deal with all her studies. “Why wouldn’t I want to meet your family,” Krista cheered. Although inside she felt uneasy. What if Ymir’s mom was like hers? She wanted to make sure Ymir was at least safe if not happy at home, but could she handle herself in that situation again? If it was to protect Ymir, Krista could do anything, she told herself.

“It’s not going to be that great,” Ymir sounded almost nervous. “We, uhh, don’t live in a nice apartment or anything. I just, want you to be prepared, okay?”

Ymir was worried about appearances? She’d never seemed to mind that, coming over in ripped jeans and old sweatpants. Krista frowned, why was Ymir so nervous? “That’s alright, Ymir.” She knew what poverty looked like, not that she’d tell Ymir that. She was more worried about what else Ymir might be nervous about. “I’m sure it will be just fine.”

“We can leave anytime you want, just say the word. But, uhh, I guess I should let you go, a rush just came in. We’ll make more plans tomorrow.”

“Not a problem, see you then!”

Krista hung up the phone, her heart racing slightly. She was really going to see Ymir’s mom. She swallowed hard even though her mouth felt dry. She shut her eyes tightly. There probably wasn’t even anything wrong with Ymir’s home. _But what if there is?_ The voice in her head wondered. _Will I be stronger than I was before?_ Krista had to be better, had to be able to save Ymir. She relaxed slightly thinking of Ymir. Ymir was so kind to her and so strong, so different. She could do this favor for Ymir. _But what if I fail?_

She let her head fall down on the arm of the couch as she sunk down into a ball. She was a failure. She couldn’t keep her grades up, she couldn’t even convince Ymir that she was Krista. If she even knew who that was anymore. She put her hands over her eyes. She tried to tell herself that she was okay. That she was kind and nice and worthwhile. What was in her that made Ymir feel like she _wasn’t_ Krista? Maybe if she could protect Ymir, then she could be better. And getting a B was a mistake. She had to study harder.

But why had Ymir encouraged her to be selfish? That had never done her any good. That’s what she was running away from. Krista had been selfish enough. No. Selfishness was no good.

Krista closed her laptop and moved to her bedroom to curl up on her bed hopefully for the rest of the evening. She felt tears rising at the thought of all her failures and her chest was beginning to feel tight with the thought of reliving her past.

                                                                        *          *          *

Krista smiled as she walked out to Ymir’s car that Thursday night. It had been a bad week for her and the thought of meeting Ymir’s mother had frequently made her anxious. She hadn’t slept much the night before for fear of what would happen should her worst fears be confirmed, but she was happy to see Ymir again. The girl was leaning against her car where she had parked it in front of Krista’s dormitory building. She had a light sweatshirt on to ward off the chilly breeze and, as always, was wearing her skinny jeans and chucks. Ymir smiled at Krista, but it seemed nervous.

“You dressed up,” Ymir observed.

“Should I not have? I can go change—” Krista moved to turn around. Maybe she had overdressed. She had put on a pink button up shirt with a white collar and a nice black skirt with a light white sweater on overtop. She thought she ought to look nice in front of Ymir’s mom, but Ymir had said their house wasn’t fancy.

Ymir caught her shoulder. “No—you look nice,” she choked. “Hey, you’re wearing my hair piece,” she smiled gently placing her hand on the back of Krista’s head where her hair was twisted up in Ymir’s gift.

Krista blushed. “I thought it would look nice,” she said. But she had really only chosen it because it made her feel safe. She thought it would protect her from whatever she might find at Ymir’s house. Even if Ymir had done bad things, at least it reminded Krista that Ymir was kind and loving. Nothing could convince her otherwise.

Krista stared up at Ymir who had started absently twisting a lock of Krista’s hair that had fallen out of the hair piece.

Ymir coughed, dropping her hand quickly. “Well, you were right, Blondie,” Ymir added lamely, turning her head decidedly away from Krista. “Well, let’s not stand around all night. You wanted to meet my mom, right?”

“Yeah, I do,” Krista said a little more gravely than she wanted to. This was the moment she could really help Ymir.

                                                                        *          *          *

Ymir fidgeted in the car as they sat in her driveway. Krista figured this was a bad sign. They’d been sitting there for a minute, but Ymir kept talking not making a move to go inside. How bad was home-life for Ymir?

The outside of Ymir’s house obviously needed some up-keep. The grass was brown and dead and the flower beds full of weeds. Even the exterior had chipped paint and seemingly signs of water damage. But what scared Krista the most was the front window that was partially broken which they had simply put ducttape over.

“But then Connie wanted me to get this girl’s number for him, so I went up and had to ask this wasted-ass blonde for it. But Connie hadn’t even talked to her once, just bought her the drink and waved, so I thought she’d say no, but it turned out she did want to, only she couldn’t remember her phone number. So I sat there trying to get her to say just any numbers so Connie would buy me pizza. It was totally random. Ended up being for some angry old man who didn’t appreciate being called Crystal.” Ymir laughed nervously and looked over at Krista.

Admittedly Krista missed the first half of Ymir conversation while surveying Ymir’s house. Still, she knew Ymir was simply talking to talk. Krista raised a brow.

“Are we ever going to go inside?”

Ymir groaned. “Yeah, yeah, just—” Ymir bit her lip and looked over at Krista. “Do we have to? I mean, we could leave right now. You’ve seen my home and now we can go right?”

Krista laughed lightly and shook her head. “Isn’t your mom waiting?”

“Yeah, but I can smooth that over.”

Krista opened her door and stepped out. She crossed her arms and waited for Ymir.

From over the top of her car Ymir complained, “You’ll never let this go, huh?”

Krista shook her head. She was here now, and Ymir’s actions only seemed to confirm that she had to help Ymir. Only she couldn’t do anything if she didn’t see things for herself. “Not until you fulfil your promise. Your apology is incomplete.”

Ymir sighed as she slammed her car door and clicked the locking mechanism. She held out her arm. “Okay, but you’re not going to have a good time.”

“I’m sure it will be fine, Ymir.” Krista encouraged, taking Ymir’s arm. Still, her heart was racing.

Ymir walked up her front steps and opened the door to her home revealing a small kitchen and dining area with only two chairs at the table and one milk crate. The sink was piled high with dishes and there was clutter all over the counter space. On the stove sat a frying pan unattended which Ymir quickly walked over to.

“Mom! You left shit on the stove again!”

From the other room she heard Ymir mother call, “Can you get that Ymir? I’ve got to finish this call from work!”

“Why couldn’t you take it out here?”

“My phone’s dying just give me a moment please.” Ymir shook her head as the muffled sound of her mother’s voice resumed again.

“Sorry Krista,” Ymir apologized, flipping a very burnt pancake. “The place didn’t get as clean as I thought it would.

“It’s okay,” Krista smiled. Her heart was beating faster at the thought of Ymir’s mother just in the other room. She swallowed.

Ymir set down the spatula and clasped Krista’s shoulder. “Don’t look so scared, blondie. I know my neighborhood’s kinda rough, but you should be safe in here.” Ymir looked around and let go of Krista’s shoulders again.

“I’m sure I will,” Krista smiled.

“Here let me clear a spot. You can sit at the table.” Ymir shoved the pile of magazines into her arms and threw them into the hallway outside of the kitchen which was lined with Tupperware containers.

Krista sat down cautiously. Watching Ymir return to the stove where she removed the pancake and started pouring more batter.

“I can eat the bad one, I’ll try to make you something not burnt then? Or would you prefer your dinner charred to a crisp?” she joked holding the pancake up to her face.

“I’ve always liked my pancakes medium rare,” Krista smiled.

Ymir looked at her with a sly smile as if she was surprised Krista made a joke. “Just a little pink in the middle?”

Krista nodded.

“I’ll make it work.”

While the kitchen was small and cluttered Krista couldn’t help but admire the sight of Ymir at the stove. She was just as impatient as ever which always made Krista smile.

“I don’t think you’ve ever cooked anything for me before, Ymir.”

“There’s a reason,” Ymir insisted. “As you can tell bad cooking runs in the family.” She jerked her thumb to the direction her mother’s voice had come from.

“I’m sure it will be just fine, she just seems busy.” Krista sighed. At least her mom had that going for her—she seemed committed to her job.

“Tch.” Ymir said waving her hand. “That’s her, alright. Always too busy, but hey, I’m the same way so like I said. Runs in the family.” Ymir ran her sleeve under her nose as she poked at the new pancake for the fourth time in a row.

“If it wasn’t done three seconds ago, it’s not done now,” Krista sighed.

“Hey, no backseat cooking or I’ll kick you out,” Ymir threatened holding out the spatula.

“Sorry, just thought maybe you needed help,” Krista apologized.

“No help from guests. You take one step in the kitchen and I’ll kick your ass.”

It was then that Ymir’s mother appeared from the other room. She was a tall blonde woman with greying hair and clear lines on her face. She wore no make-up and wore a tee shirt over scrub pants.

“Is that any way to talk to your friends, Ymir?”

Ymir shrugged. “She was threatening to cook for me, it was my only option.”

“I don’t know where she got all that sarcasm from,” her mother sighed, pulling up a chair to sit next to Krista.

“You aren’t going to help me cook?” Ymir asked.

“Ymir’s never been good at helping around the house,” her mother complained to Krista. “I suppose I can step in again.”

“I can cook the damn dinner,” Ymir sighed then turned to smile at Krista. “Krista wanted to get to know you anyway,” she said turning to flip their dinner.

Ymir’s mother turned to face Krista then, a light smile on her face. Krista swallowed, putting a smile on her face as well. As far as she could tell, this woman was nothing like her mother, but that didn’t mean she was perfect. She begin to question her mission altogether. She came here to prove that Ymir was being abused, but now, facing this woman she felt simply shy.

Ymir’s mother cleared her throat. “Krista was it?”

“Yes,” she nodded.

“I’m Laura Rodriguez. You’ll forgive me if I’m bad at this, it’s just Ymir never really brings friends over,” she glanced worriedly at her daughter who was once again working on pouring the batter with a furrowed brow. “So, how did you two meet?”

“It was at Ackerman’s. I worked there quite a bit this summer before school started.”

“Ah good! Levi is a good man. I don’t know where Ymir would be without him.” In the kitchen Krista saw Ymir lower her head, but she didn’t move to say anything.

“I don’t know, Mrs. Rodriguez, Ymir can take care of herself.”

“Ymir is still trying to find her way in life, she needs all the help she can get,” her mother sighed.

“Good thing she has friends then,” Krista smiled.

Laura smiled gently. “She could use more friends like you. What are you studying again?”

“Nursing, ma’am.”

“No need to call me ma’am or Mrs. Rodriguez. Laura will do.”

Krista nodded.

“Now nursing is a good field. If you ever want to be a CNA you can consider where I work. It’s not the best job, but the residents are very sweet.”

“Are you a nurse?” Krista can’t believe she never asked Ymir what her mom did.

“Oh no, I’m a tenant care assistant. But that’s just my night job, very lucrative, I know. But it keeps up our household.”

“You must work very hard,” Krista admitted. From the looks of it, Laura seemed to be a very caring mother, if a little too busy.

Laura ran a hand through her hair. “I do what I have to, but things aren’t always easy. But enough of that! Tell me about working with Ymir! Is she a very hard worker?”

Krista thought about it. “She is very knowledgeable at her job, although you like to slack off when you should be sweeping,” Krista chastised, turning to Ymir

“Hey, everyone needs a break from time to time.”

“No one needs that many breaks.”

“I obviously trained you in wrong,” Ymir pouted.

“At least Krista seems to have a good work sense,” her mother interjected. “Ymir you really ought to work hard, you owe that man a lot, you know?”

Ymir opened her mouth as if to speak but Krista started first.

“Ymir does work hard!” she defended. “I just feel like I never see her work, because she does her jobs so quickly, so I give her a hard time.” Ymir worked fast when she worked at all. Krista had noticed this. It always seemed like she was taking it slow until she did a job, then she completed it swiftly and deftly.

Laura smiled, a little shocked. “Well, good. I’m glad.”

“Do you want me to make anything other than pancakes, mom?” Ymir asked, holding out the plate.

“I have eggs in the warmer,” she said, walking over to the stove. She placed her hand briefly on Ymir’s shoulder as she opened up the oven door. Ymir’s eyes widened as she softly smiled to herself. “Put those on the table, please.”

Ymir set down her plates and pulled up a milk crate to the table. She was seated quite low, so much so that Krista couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh you think it’s funny do you? Sitting up in your high chair, you big baby,” she huffed. “We got this crate specifically for your visit, you know? Needed a third chair.”

“We used to have three chairs, but we lost one in the move and really haven’t needed once since. I suppose if you were to come over more, we could get one.” Laura glanced over at Ymir with a longing question, but Ymir only turned her head.

“Well at least this way I get to feel tall for once,” Krista laughed. She was, in fact, taller than Ymir where she sat and felt it.

“Don’t get too comfortable,” Ymir warned.

“Well, let’s eat,” Laura decided. “I’m sorry, girls, but that phone call was my boss. I have to go in early tonight, but I still wanted to have dinner since it’s such a rare occasion. I hope you can forgive me.”

Ymir scoffed, but said nothing. Krista figured this happened often.

“It’s no problem. I’m glad I finally got to meet you for however short a time.” Krista smiled politely.

Laura looked shocked. “Really? Does Ymir talk about me often?”

“Uh, n-not really,” Krista stuttered. In fact it was the fact that Ymir rarely talked about home that she wanted to come in the first place. But she felt bad for saying so as the hope wiped off Laura’s face.

“Of course not, Ymir’s always been so independent.”

Krista nodded, looking over at Ymir where she sat staring intently at her food.

“I don’t figure she even thinks about home or family much. Me or her father.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Krista objected thinking of the hair piece she was wearing. She looked to Ymir to see whether she’d object. The girl had stopped eating and clenched a fist, still looking down at the table.

“But Ymir wasn’t always like this, you know? She used to stay at home all day, just waiting for Alonso to get home…I wish she’d think of us more often now,” her mother ended wistfully looking past Krista.

“Could you just stop, mom?” Ymir quietly raged.

“What am I doing now dear?” she sighed placing her hand on her brow.

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here. God, you always do this,” she started, but then stopped herself looking at Krista. “Can we just stop?”

“Don’t be so dramatic, is it a crime to talk about my daughter?” Laura asked, waving off Ymir’s comment.

“I’m not being dramatic! I’m in the room, don’t talk about me like I can’t hear you. And I know when you’re trying to guilt trip me.”

“I don’t do that!”

Ymir snapped. “Yes, you do! Just—” Ymir sighed deeply. “Let’s just let it go.” Ymir cast another worried look Krista’s direction as if to apologize.

There was silence as the two of them stared at each other, Ymir half pleading and Laura trying to understand Ymir’s meaning.

“Ymir told me she and her father used to fix cars together. Did he own a shop?” Krista wanted to ease the tension. Both women looked a little shocked and didn’t know how to proceed. Finally Laura cleared her throat.

“He, uhh, used to work at his family shop.” Laura stopped to think for a second, a smile appearing on her lips. “God that was a long time ago. “By the time Ymir was old enough to be of any help, he was fixing them here at home just for extra money.” Laura smiled over at Ymir. “Do you remember when you were really little, when you used to go into the shop all the time?” Laura turned to Krista with a smile. “And we’d try to make her wait for her father in the store, but she’d always rush to see him and come back covered in grease.”

Ymir smiled lightly and played with her fork. “I remember the shop. All those guys would sneak me candy and let me hold their wrenches.”

“You must have been a cute kid,” Krista laughed.

“Oh no,” Laura insisted with a smile. “She was a trouble maker even then. Always getting messy and running off. But you could be very sweet when you were happy.”

“You’re just mad I never wanted to wear those damn dresses,” Ymir smirked.

“I think I got the point after the third one came home covered in dirt and ripped to shreds.”

“I wish you had pictures of Ymir in a dress! I can’t imagine it,” Krista laughed. Ymir always wore jeans or shorts, and she’d never seen the girl wear pink.

“Oh no no no, you don’t get to see those, blondie. If you touch those books, mom, you’re dead,” Ymir threatened.

Laura just laughed. “But Ymir you were so cute! And you looked miserable.”

Krista smiled at the two of them as they argued over Ymir’s childhood photos. She felt guilt in the pit of her stomach for all the assumptions she had made about Ymir’s mom. Obviously the two had issues to work out, but she could tell from the way Laura looked at Ymir with such cautious love that the woman was nothing like her mother. She felt a certain sadness clutch at her heart in memory of her past, but also because she had almost hoped that Ymir’s life was just like hers. But, that was an awful thing to hope for.

Still, she shook off the feeling enough to smile at the pair of them. They were going to be okay.

“You should bring me over more often, Ymir,” Krista smiled. Although the world outside their little house seemed unsafe and the house had its own cluttered emotions and memories tucked into corners, she could tell there was hope still.

“You just want to see those baby pictures,” Ymir complained.

“I would love to!” Krista laughed.

“Well, I think it’s a great idea,” Laura added cautiously. “If you two wanted to do this again, you are very welcome.”

“Thanks, mom,” Ymir muttered.

“Ah!” Laura exclaimed looking down at her watch. “I really have to get going soon. Mind cleaning up, Ymir?”

Before Ymir could answer Laura rushed off to her bedroom, pulling her long hair into a ponytail. She left Ymir and Krista alone at the small table in the dim light of the overhead light. Krista laughed lightly staring across the table at Ymir where she pouted on the milk crate.

“And what’s so funny, princess?”

“Nothing,” she giggled. “I’ve just never seen you so embarrassed. And I like it.”

“I bet you want to come over all the time now,” she groaned. “It’s not going to stay this clean for long.”

“This is clean?” Krista whispered.

“Oi. I didn’t make fun of you for Hanji nearly burning the house down. Give me a break!”

“Hanji can be messy,” Krista allowed, “But I take care of it.”

“I’m never here enough to do that,” Ymir sighed quietly.

“You could fix that.”

Ymir looked up at her and narrowed her eyes. “Whose side are you on?”

“I’m on no one’s side, Ymir.”

Ymir rolled her eyes and picked up her plate walking over to Krista. “I know, you’re just trying to make everything better with that cute Krista smile,” she said pinching Krista’s cheek. “You done?” Ymir added, nodding at Krista’s plate.

Krista nodded and handed Ymir her plate, rubbing her cheek. Of course she _was_ trying to make everything better, but Ymir made her feel like maybe that was a bad thing. “I’m not trying to push you, Ymir.”

“You did push me to let you come here,” she quipped, filing the sink up with water.

Krista blushed. She really had pried with this one. But she had been certain what she would find would be so much worse.

“But I let you push me around, blondie. Because I like you.” Ymir smiled almost bashfully leaning her back against the counter. As Krista stared into Ymir’s brown eyes, her face twisted into a slow smile. Her chest felt incredibly light.

Just then Laura burst out of her room, keys clinking in her hand. Krista hid her face, trying to fight the smile and furious blush across her face. Ymir coughed and turned back to the sink stopping the water.

“Goodbye girls, have a good night!” Laura said, stopping to put a hand on Ymir’s shoulder. “Be good, Ymir.”

“Have a good night,” Ymir mumbled, shaking off her mom’s hand.

As soon as Laura stepped out of the door Ymir let go of a deep breath.

“Your mom seems to care for you, you know?” Krista admitted that Ymir and her mother’s fights were uncomfortable, but she felt that they were just both bad at communication and good at yelling at each other. “Even if you do fight a bit,” she added.

Ymir sighed. “Yeah, I know.” Ymir glanced over at Krista. “We’ve got a lot between us. Mostly because what everyone says about me it right. I’m reckless, selfish, crude. That will never change, but even though I do so many things right, she’s still the same mom who—you know what, never mind.” Krista’s heart almost stopped. _The same mom who did what?_ Maybe there _was_ something else going on. Ymir looked over her shoulder at Krista with a sly grin. “Get your ass over here, cutie. You’re helping me with dishes.” With that Krista watched Ymir put her hard face on again. But for a moment she saw the vulnerability. She heard Ymir insult herself and seem so disappointed in her mother.

“Has your mom ever hurt you, Ymir?” she blurted. She couldn’t fight the need to know that Ymir was safe. She knew you could never be truly certain.

Ymir looked at her in disbelief and narrowed her eyes. “No,” she said as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. Krista let go of a breath and her heart filled with relief. “My mom doesn’t abuse me or anything. Is that why you wanted to come meet her?” Krista looked away with guilty eyes. “Oh my God! It is!” she accused.

Ymir walked over to where Krista stood next to the table and put her hands on her shoulders. “There’s that Krista trying to look out for me,” she scoffed. “You are so stupid.” Usually a comment like that would hurt Krista, but Ymir said it with so much concern.

“I just wanted to help you,” Krista admitted lamely.

“If you wanted to help me you could have just asked me, ya big dummie. But now here you are, in the lion’s den.” Ymir glanced around the room as if disappointed then turned back to Krista accusingly. “You wanted to be the hero.” Krista felt the sting of those words. The hero. Ymir had said what she couldn’t have put into words herself. She’d wanted to know more than Ymir, be more. She’d wanted to feel that righteousness of saving someone, especially Ymir. But since she couldn’t admit that to Ymir she simply kept her mouth shut.

“There were so many easier ways to do this!” Ymir quietly raged. “You just wanted to get yourself in trouble or something. God! For someone so small and quiet you really are a trouble maker,” Krista couldn’t tell if Ymir was angry or pleased. 

“I can help you talk to your mother,” Krista said. She was determined to do something for Ymir.

“Ah, so I still need your help?” Ymir asked narrowing her eyes. Krista felt in that moment that Ymir thought of her as useless. Instead of tearing her down, she felt impassioned.

“Well, you’re not doing a very good job on your own!”

“Krista you don’t even know if I want a relationship with that woman!” Ymir yelled.

“Well, do you?” Krista shouted back.

Ymir shut her mouth. Then chewed on her lip for a moment. “I just—I just want her to…get it. To change.”

“Well,” Krista added gently, heart still racing from all the shouting. “If you want that, you might want to change too. That’s how relationships work.” Krista thought about her mom, and how much she wished things could have changed. This time she didn’t feel sad, she felt angry, angry that Ymir wasn’t taking advantage of the chance she had.

Ymir put her hand over her mouth and looked Krista up and down with narrowed eyes. Then she jerked her head towards the sink. “Come help me wash dishes.”

Krista was a little confused, but she followed the taller girl and picked up the drying towel Ymir handed her. Ymir didn’t say a word to her. As Krista stood by Ymir’s side grabbing a clean plate to dry, she wondered if Ymir was mad at her. She set the plate in a pile next to the sink. Next to her Ymir was focused on her work. Krista was noticing a trend. When Ymir didn’t want to talk about something, she directed her energy on something else. Krista hoped Ymir was simply mulling things over. But then again, perhaps she was angry that Krista had yelled at her. It hadn’t been Krista’s intention to start a fight, but things had certainly turned out that way.

The two girls worked side-by-side in silence, Krista’s worry that Ymir was angry growing with every second. The pile grew large, likely because Ymir was finally getting to the old dishes in the sink. Finally as Krista reached next to her waiting to be handed a dish, she found her hand empty. Ymir’s hands gripped the counter as she stared out the window behind the sink.

“Be honest with me,” Ymir was speaking firmly but quietly. “Am I just a charity case to you?” Ymir’s question was cold. It was likely the most distant the girl had ever sounded.

“No,” Krista insisted quietly, placing her hand lightly on Ymir’s. “You are my best friend. Probably the only one I’ve ever had.”

Ymir looked down at her and nodded as if Krista had passed some test. Then she leaned her head back and groaned. “You’re a terrible best friend, you know that right?”

“I thought I was doing okay,” Krista spoke softly. She wasn’t sure how best friends behaved really, but wasn’t helping them part of it?

“No, a best friend would listen to me and say ‘Yeah your mom’s a bitch,’ but you just have to be some reckless goddess don’t you?”

Krista shook her head and grasped Ymir’s hand tighter. She wanted to point out that Ymir had been very vague about her mother which caused Krista to worry in the first place, but instead she hung her head and muttered, “I just wanted you to be safe.” However convoluted her ideas of grandeur were, Krista had always honestly wanted Ymir’s safety. And now, she wanted Ymir to be happy at home. Maybe Ymir could have what she couldn’t.

“Just do me a favor and fucking ask me first.”

“Oh! So, can I help you with your mom?” Krista asked lightly.

“That’s not what I meant. I meant ask me before you charge head first into what you think might be danger. Or even ask me before you make assumptions about what I want.”

Krista rolled her eyes. “Well, then, do you want to patch things up with your mom?”

“Why do I need to talk to her again? We’ve been fine on our own for years.”

“Are you really okay with that?”

“I can live with it.” Ymir said, straightening her back.

“That’s not the same thing as being okay with it,” Krista added, squeezing Ymir’s hand gently.

“What does it matter to you, Krista?” Krista stopped. The truth was, it didn’t matter to her really, but she knew it was bothering Ymir. So, that made it matter, right? “Why is it so important to you?”

“It’s-it’s not,” Krista admitted quietly. She looked up intently at Ymir thinking about all she’d lost in her life. She wished her mother had shown her half the care that Laura had just now.

She felt so envious that she couldn’t help blurting, “But a relationship with a mother means so much, and I’d hate to see you waste it. Your mother cares for you, and you just want to let that go.” Krista clasped her hands over her mouth. She hadn’t meant to say what she had. She backed away, regretting her words. She had taken Ymir’s problem and made it hers. Ymir was right, she didn’t know anything about what Ymir wanted, she just knew what she wanted.

“Forget it. Just—just do what you want, Ymir. You’re right, I butted in to your life when I should have just left it alone. I don’t know what your past is with your mom, and I’m really an idiot, so just forget it.”

“Krista,” Ymir calmed, holding Krista’s shoulder. “I’m not mad at you.”

Krista looked up at Ymir with hope. Thank God, she hadn’t messed this up yet.

“I know I should listen to you, or Levi, or the voice inside my head that keeps telling me to grow up, but I’m pretty stubborn. So, you just keep lecturing me,” Krista laughed weakly, about to tell Ymir she did _not_ lecture at her.  “But, I don’t want you to do this for me. I have to solve this problem by myself, but maybe you can keep me honest? Can you do that?” Ymir pleaded.

Krista nodded as Ymir moved to wipe a tear that Krista hadn’t felt.

“I guess I owe you another apology,” Ymir sighed.

Krista shook her head. “You can’t keep blaming yourself for every fight.” Ymir really was too kind to her. Ymir had been right to get angry at her for barging into her life and assuming the worst out of her family. Krista had even tried to take it upon herself to try and patch up Ymir’s family relations without knowing the whole story. And for what? So Krista could save them? Could see Ymir have the happy mother-daughter relationship she used to long for? Maybe she just wanted Ymir to think she was worthwhile.

“I fight everyone. I just never intend to fight with you. Guess that’s something I have to change right? To have a relationship,” Ymir smiled slightly at Krista and her heart swelled. Ymir’s face was so gentle, so genuine that she couldn’t help but feel giddy. Ymir had listened. Maybe she was going to make a difference. But still, she couldn’t imagine Ymir without her fighting exterior.

“Just don’t change everything about yourself.” She couldn’t help how worried she sounded. Ymir was so important the way she was, she just needed to unlearn the way she talked to her mother, at least that’s what Krista thought, but maybe Ymir could figure that out on her own…with minor guidance.

Ymir scoffed. “Like I need your permission.”

The two girls smiled at each other once again feeling friendly. Ymir made Krista help finish off the dishes and they piled into Ymir’s car to go back to Krista’s dorm room. Krista felt relieved that Ymir was safe and that she’d be able to help Ymir although differently than she’d thought.

                                                                                    *          *          *

Ymir pulled the car into a parking spot near campus and killed the engine.

“Thanks for letting me meet your mom, Ymir,” Krista smiled lightly. Things had gone much better than she’d expected.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s nothing special,” Ymir mumbled, settling down into her seat and resting her hands on the middle console.

“No, it _was_ special,” Krista insisted, placing her hand on top of Ymir’s.

Ymir sat back in her seat, she bit her lip before muttering “Where’s your mom, blondie?” Krista hoped that she had heard wrong.

“Huh?”

“I’ve never asked because I figured you’d talk about it when you wanted to. I thought maybe if you’d just say one thing in passing about your parents,” Ymir hesitated leaving the car in silence. Of course Ymir would ask eventually. She really should have said something sooner. “But you got really upset today, so…where are they?” Ymir asked intently staring into Krista’s eyes. It just wasn’t a topic she liked to breach and she especially didn’t want to lie to Ymir.

“My mom is dead.” But lies were all Krista had to keep her together at the end of the day. She looked over at Ymir with tears in her eyes, but the tears were for herself. She wanted to tell Ymir the truth about herself, she wanted to let Ymir in, but once again she was failing her.

“Oh God.” Ymir looked panicked. She had the same look in her eyes when Krista cried the first time. It would almost be funny if it didn’t make Krista feel so awful for being unable to control her emotions. “Of course she’s dead. I’m sorry, smalls,” Ymir added reaching to place a hand on Krista’s shoulder. Krista shook it off and wiped away her tears, angry at herself.

“It’s in the past,” she said coldly. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She was in no mood to put up her usual masks.

Ymir put her hands up. “I’m sorry, I’ll back off. I just—God I didn’t know.”

Krista angrily wiped at the tears still coming out of her eyes, upset that once again Ymir was worried about her and all for that stupid lie. She wondered what Ymir would do if she knew the truth. She’d probably feel even worse. _That’s what the lie is for,_ Krista thought sadly. But still, she was upset with herself, too weak to even tell anyone the truth, or was it just strong enough to keep lying?

“Can we just go watch a movie?” She wanted to curl up on the couch and think about nothing.

Ymir looked over at her and smiled softly. “Sure thing, smalls.”

                                                                                    *          *          *

Krista had fallen asleep with her head on a pillow in Ymir’s lap. It reminded her of all the times Hanji had fallen asleep in her lap, only now it was her turn to be comforted by someone. When Krista woke up in the middle of the night she found that Ymir had turned the TV off and fallen asleep sitting upright, her hand on Krista’s back. While the position couldn’t be comfortable for Ymir, Krista couldn’t bring herself to wake up the girl. She had never felt so safe with someone next to her, so she snuggled closer to Ymir and forgot about their fight, the lies that she told, and the past she was running from. She just wanted to focus on this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my trees! It took me forever to update and I am so sorry. School is just starting and I have been beyond busy. However, I am cooking up more for these two and I'm excited for the next chapter. UwU Hope you are enjoying it so far!!!


	7. A Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Krista receives a phone call from a mysterious number, shit hits the fan. Is Ymir seeing the real Krista?

“Whatcha thinking about, Ymir?”

Ymir blinked a few times and took stock of her surroundings. She was at Ackerman’s per usual, staring straight at where Krista stood in the lane before her. She raised her head from where she had rested it on her hand. She had drifted off a bit. It was another long day at work, but it was the weekend, and she had the night off.

“Just thinking about you, Blondie,” Ymir cooed with a wink. As Krista huffed and turned to face her register, Ymir yawned loudly. She’d gotten up way too early that morning.

“Why are you so tired today?”

“Had breakfast with my mom,” Ymir whined. It hadn’t been the most pleasant experience since both of them had been beyond tired, but her mom had looked pleasantly surprised and it was too early for either of them to argue.

Krista looked at Ymir from over her shoulder with a small prideful smile. “Did it go well?” Krista asked, trying and failing to stay neutral, but her smile showed through.

“Don’t you try to hide that pleased smile from me, princess,” Ymir smiled. “You know I’m only doing this for you, so you owe me,” even as Ymir said it, she knew the look on Krista’s face was more than enough payment for her, but still, she liked to keep Krista on her toes.

Krista just shook her head with a small smile. “But did it go well?”

Ymir gave a low hum. “We ain’t best friends yet, if that’s what you want.”

“It’s not about what I want,” Krista shrugged.

Ymir raised an eyebrow. Krista’s angel side was so annoying sometimes. Ymir was only trying this hard because of Krista. Yeah, Ymir wanted her mom to see all the good she’d been doing, but she was trying to patch up the relationship because she thought it would make Krista happy. She thought about the night Krista told her that her mom was dead. Ymir wasn’t good with emotions—never had been. She always just fought when she felt sad or scared. But Krista always looked so fragile. Ymir felt like an idiot for not noticing it before. That would be why Krista never talked about her family at all. If it made Krista stop crying and smile, she’d spend time with fucking Hitler if she had to, but it’s not like she really wanted to.

“It’s all about what you want,” Ymir snarked.

“But you said—” Krista looked confused a little hurt.

“Don’t worry, angel, I’m still living selfishly,” she interrupted. “I just like how things work out when Krista gets her way,” she smirked.

Krista rolled her eyes and turned away with a huff.

“Aww, you annoyed at me blondie?”

Krista turned back around looking slightly flushed. “I just think you’re being stubborn is all. Don’t want to admit when you need help.”

Ymir laughed. “You can’t save everyone, blondie. And me, I’m incorrigible.”

Krista stuck out her tongue. “I can save you just fine. It’s working so far.” Krista smiled that hopeful smile that shot Ymir through the heart. Krista turned to face a customer with a sly smile on her lips.

Ymir couldn’t help but love the way Krista seemed so happy when Ymir talked to her mom. The girl acted so confident, as if she were the cause of the whole thing. Ymir had to admit she was only trying out this relationship with mom thing for Krista’s sake, but she thought it would just make Krista feel less like crying. Instead, Krista seemed to get a confidence boost which, admittedly, made her so much sexier. Ymir threw her head back in frustration, she was a poor lesbian.

“You’re killing me, smalls,” she complained.

“What did I do now, Ymir?” Krista asked distractedly as she finished ringing up her customer.

“For starters you’re a pain in my ass,” she complained, with a smile on her face. “And for another you haven’t asked me if I’m free tonight.”

“Well,” Krista said turning to face Ymir, “You don’t know whether _I’m_ free tonight.”

“It’s a Friday night, college girl, what could you be doing, studying?”

Krista wrung her hands together. “Actually, Connie’s coming over tonight. He kinda texted me and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I wanted to ask you to come, but you usually work and I didn’t want you to worry, so…” Krista trailed off looking worried.

Ymir perked up, “Why would I be worried?”

“Well,” Krista blushed. She looked intently at the floor, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Ymir’s heart beat faster, she could see the answer on Krista’s face. Krista hadn’t wanted her to get jealous. Ymir wanted to say it, but she stopped herself knowing she’d probably get in trouble if she started that again.

“Hey, don’t worry,” Ymir cooed. “I think I know by now that you aren’t going to date me, so I’m not worried,” she laughed. “But hey, as I am free tonight, might I offer you my Connie repelling services?” she added with a wink.

Krista chuckled lightly. “I don’t want you to repel him. But yeah, I’d love it if you came!”

“Good, I was probably gonna crash it either way,” Ymir smirked.

                                                                                    *          *          *

“We’re in a fight, Ymir,” Connie called from the living room as Ymir set down a dufflebag full of clothes in Connie’s entryway.

“I was about to say the same thing,” Ymir smiled. As usual the boy’s apartment was piled high with pizza boxes and there were tons of tools scattered on the counter. She loved the familiarity of the place. “What’s got your panties in a twist?” Ymir slipped off her chucks as she headed into the living room where Connie was spread out on the futon already playing Halo.

He tossed her a controller. “You don’t show up here for weeks, which my back thanks you for, and worst of all, you haven’t invited me to see Krista, Miks, and Sasha yet.”

“That’s cause you’re the kinda prick who invites himself to stuff,” Ymir razzed.

“I bring the party with me Ymir, get it right.”

Ymir snorted, “All you bring is booze and a shit load of energy. But I suppose I’ll have to come supervise your little shindig.”

“Supervise?” Connie exclaimed in mock horror. “I’m an adult!”

“You’re a fucking mess, Con.” Ymir said punching him in the shoulder. “Nice tactic to start a party, though, you know Krista is too nice to say no.” Ymir thought about how Krista thought she’d be jealous. Should she be? She hadn’t told Connie he should back off, maybe he was moving in on Krista, but then, did it really matter? She felt pretty certain Krista would say no to Connie if he asked her out. She was at least mildly certain.

“Krista? Ah, she said no several times. But I asked Mikasa too and she was down, so Krista had to say yes. What can I say, that girl’s scary as fuck but she likes to party.”

Ymir’s jaw dropped. “You’re fucking kidding me.”

“I’m serious.”

“What did you say to her? I didn’t even think she’d remember you.” Connie came to the store a lot to see Ymir when he was bored, so he was around when Eren worked, but Mikasa almost never hung out with them. Connie asked for her number, which she refused several times until Eren and Connie hung out and she asked for his number because she wanted to reach him in an emergency.

“Me neither,” Connie laughed. He pulled out his phone. I just said “Hey Mikasa, it’s Connie. Thought I could get the gang back together this Friday night. Your place? I’ll bring booze.”

“What a romantic,” Ymir laughed.

“She texted back,” Connie continued making his voice louder, “Eren said yes. See you then.”

“You gotta love how straightforward she is.”

“I don’t know about you, but I think I have a chance with her,” Connie smiled.

“Yeah now that’s its finally legal.”

“In my defense, I did not know that she was underage when I met her. Plus, she turned me down anyway.”

Ymir smiled. At least Connie’s exploits with women usually failed, not that Ymir was doing any better. Oh well, Connie could never have what she had with Krista. And what was happening was nice. She leaned her head in her hand thinking of how many times she’d been turned down by Krista, but also how many times Krista had told her without words that she needed Ymir. No, they were good.

“What are you day dreaming about?” Connie asked.

“Not your ugly mug,” she sassed. “Let’s just get ready for your party.”

                                                                        *          *          *

Connie said party, but Ymir knew what that meant, and the evening played out just as she expected. Connie snuck in the alcohol, they all gathered around to have some, the TV was on and fought over, someone suggested a dirty game, and they all played even though they complained. Connie didn’t really bring enough for everyone to get more than buzzed. He said it was because he was “responsible,” but really it’s because he and Ymir didn’t have the money to supply that much. What Ymir didn’t plan on was how much Sasha and Connie would get along.

It was getting late when Sasha decided she was unsatisfied with the party. Reiner, Berthold, and Annie had already left, Berthold having to be awake early the next day for basketball practice. So, only Armin, Eren, Mikasa, Sasha, Ymir, and Krista remained.

“Come on y’all,” she whined. “We’re in this room all the time, I’m BORED.” She slumped herself over Connie’s lap. She used this position to begin poking at Eren, who was seated next to Connie, both of the boys, playing a video game.

“Knock it off, Sash. You’re throwing off my game!”

“What game?” Connie chuckled. “Don’t blame Sasha for your shit performance.”

“You know, Springer, I don’t know why I used to think you were cool in high school.”

Connie made a gesture as if to smooth back his cleanly buzzed hair. “Because I am cool, my young learner. Also I brought you booze, so no complaints.”

Sasha wriggled around in Connie’s lap. “Stop flirting with each other and pay attention to me.”

Ymir sighed from her position on the couch where she had sprawled after Krista banished her from the card game she, Mikasa, and Armin were playing because she was “too competitive.” As it was, she reached out her foot to nudge Sasha.

“Stop being so annoying, ponytail,” Ymir complained.

“I’ll only stop if someone feeds me! I’m hungry. Ereeeeeeen,” she begged with puppy-dog eyes. “Please take me to get burritos.”

“You still owe me for two meals, Sasha. I ain’t falling for that again.”

Sasha sighed and hung her head. “You all suck. No one wants to take me to dinner.”

“It’s not even time for dinner,” Eren added.

“Eren for shame,” Connie gasped in mock horror. “1 o’clock in the morning is the perfect time for a Perkins run. And I for one, know how to have a good time.

Sasha looked up at Connie as if she was seeing a god. “Yesyesyesyesyes!” she gushed. “See, Eren, you’re the loser.” She stuck out her tongue.

“I am not,” Eren challenged.

“I’ll bet he’s just scared to admit that the last time he was there, I creamed him in a pancake-eating contest,” Connie teased.

“We officially declared that a draw,” Eren insisted.

“That’s loser talk,” Sasha added. “I’d bet you ten dollars I could eat more pancakes than either of you. I’ve been practicing for much longer!”

“Well Eren’s got the stomach of a baby kitten, but I’ll take you on!”

“You only beat me by half a pancake and I had already eaten before, so really, you have the stomach of a baby kitten,” Eren challenged, standing up. Sasha and Connie also got up.

“It think we’ll just have to see about that,” Connie teased, not hiding his laughter.

Sasha was jumping with joy. “Pancake time! Let’s go!”

“Grab your keys, Con. Let’s finish this! Loser foots the bill,”

Connie laughed as he turned to the kitchen for his keys, but Mikasa got there faster.

“You’ve had too much to drink. I’m driving.”

Sasha’s eyes lit up. “Mikasa’s coming too?! It’s a party!”

Mikasa said nothing but turned around to the rest of the room. “You coming?”

Armin nodded and stood up. “I suppose I am a little hungry.”

Krista shook her head. “I should get up early for homework, thanks though.”

Sasha pouted, “Then you won’t know who won!”

“We could just send her an endless stream of snapchats,” Connie remarked slyly.

Sasha nodded seriously. “I like the way you think,” she added, rubbing Connie’s nearly bald head.

Mikasa looked briefly at Ymir and then turned around, herding the group of friends out of the door.

“What about Ymir?” Sasha added, poking her head out from around Connie.

Ymir simply shrugged. “Not hungry, I guess.” Sasha smiled knowingly at her then turned around shouting “More pancakes for me!” As a result she was shushed by Mikasa.

Once they had all left, Ymir sighed and rested her head against the armrest of the couch, shutting her eyes. She was glad to be rid of the cacophony of sounds. She heard Krista ruffling around putting the cards away. She opened her eyes as Krista began to walk past the couch towards the kitchen. Ymir grabbed her hand. Krista turned around to look at her. She looked tired. Ymir scooted as far as she could to the back of the couch and motioned for Krista to lie next to her. Krista smiled lightly and lie down facing Ymir. Ymir rested her head on one hand and let the other drift to her side, although she desperately wanted to rest it on Krista. Especially now that their faces were so close. Krista wrapped her arms around her own body effectively not touching Ymir, but she looked up to Ymir with a gentle smile. Ymir simply looked at Krista then closed her eyes. She wasn’t going to push her limits tonight.

Then, she felt Krista take her hand and thread their fingers together. She opened her eyes in shock and saw Krista blush. Then she looked at Krista’s beautiful slender fingers wrapped around her brown freckled fingers. She couldn’t help but rub her thumb along Krista’s hand. She heard Krista’s breathing hitch a little. Krista quickly removed her hand and sat on the edge of the couch, her back facing Ymir.  

Ymir sat up and curled her legs closer to her body. She patted the couch next to her. “Sit next to me, hot stuff.”

Krista rolled her eyes.

“Are you tired yet?” Ymir asked.

“Not really,” Krista said, shaking her head.

“Alright then, you wanna pick a movie?”

Krista laughed. “You’re asking me to pick? You never do that with Sasha.”

Ymir scowled. “Sasha picks shitty movies. And anyways, I thought I’d make it up to you that your date left with another woman,” she joked.

“My date?” Krista asked. “I don’t think I know anything about a date.”

“Boy, don’t tell Connie that, it’d bruise his ego.”

Krista gasped. “Oh no, he didn’t think this was a date did he?”

“No, of course not. I was just kidding.”

Krista punched or, more accurately, tapped Ymir on the shoulder, making her laugh.

“You’re kinda cruel, you know that?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Ymir conceded. “But you have to admit that Sasha and Connie did seem to hit it off.”

“Well, they are both very energetic people,” Krista said with a yawn, leaning her head on Ymir’s shoulder.

“Aww, you are tired. You should just go to bed.”

“No, I can make it,” Krista protested, snuggling closer to Ymir. And because Ymir was weak, she brought up Netflix.

It wasn’t until maybe a half an hour into the movie right after Ymir had finally gained the courage to throw her arm around Krista’s shoulder making her giggle a little that Krista’s phone began to ring. Still, giggling, Krista pulled out her phone. Ymir didn’t really look down, she had her eyes glued to the screen.

“Hello,” Krista greeted in her cheerful voice. Ymir heard a mumble of a voice in the background and she felt Krista stiffen beside her. In the faintest whisper, so much so that Ymir wasn’t quite sure she caught it she swore Krista said, “Mom?” As the voice began a reply Krista very suddenly dropped her phone and stood up. Her legs shook and she steadied herself on the table in front of her before she seemed to hear the still mumbling voice coming from her phone. She dropped to her knees and button smashed until the call ended.

“Krista!? Are you okay?” Ymir fell to her knees beside Krista. As she put a hand on her back Krista grabbed her phone and stood up. She wiped a tear from her eye.

“Who was that?” Krista looked away. “Was it your—”

“It was nobody.” Krista interrupted. She sat down on the couch, fiddling with her phone as Ymir stared at her. Her phone began to ring again. She smashed the button to exit the phone call and stood up again. “Look, Ymir, m-maybe you should go.” She began to pace as her phone rang a third time. After a few circles with her hands to her forehead, Krista looked back at Ymir with a nervous expression.

“Just-just stay here,” Krista ordered, her voice trembling. Then she turned the movie back on and cranked the volume.

Krista stormed off to her bedroom, slamming the door shut. Ymir sat for a moment, unsure how to react. She sat a few minutes and saw Krista’s shadow pass under the door. She was still pacing.

Even over the sounds of the TV Ymir heard Krista shout, “ _You did what?!_ ” It was the harshest tone Ymir had ever heard come from the girl. She immediately made her way over to the door. Krista was in distress. “God, does she know where I am? Can she find our house?” she sounded as if she was crying. “You told me I would be safe,” Krista accused, suddenly seething. “I don’t care what you thought, Hanji. You were wrong. I want to know if she can find me.” Krista was silent a few moments. Then in a quiet voice she breathed, “That’s not good enough.” Ymir heard a thump as if Krista slumped to the ground. “No,” she said sternly though shakily. “No, I trusted you and you broke your promise.” Krista began to cry at that. Then she sniffled and said, “Don’t try to contact me.”

After the phone call ended, she heard a thump that sounded like Krista threw something. Ymir couldn’t stand at the door any longer. She opened the door to see Krista beating her phone against the wall, trying to break it.

“What are you doing?” Ymir shouted as she reached to grab both of Krista’s hands immediately. Krista cried out and fought against Ymir’s hand, there were tears streaming down her face.

“Let go of me!” she cried. Her limbs began to tremble even as she tried to wiggle her way out of Ymir’s grip. Ymir complied and Krista reached to smash her phone against the wall one more time as she fell to the ground, sobbing.

“Talk to me, Krista,” Ymir spoke, putting one hand on her shoulder. Krista shrugged off her hand violently, and crawled closer to her desk, away from Ymir.

“Don’t touch me,” she whispered, putting her head in her hands. Her knuckles were bleeding.

“Shit! You’re bleeding,” Ymir exclaimed, rushing to the bathroom to look for gauze. She tore through the cabinet spilling items everywhere until she found the first aid kit.

When she came back into Krista’s room, the blonde was still curled up in the corner by her desk and she had begun to rock.

“I’m gonna bandage your hands, okay?”

Krista looked up, the misery clear in her eyes. She nodded slowly, suspiciously.

Ymir’s heart was beating fast. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do or say. Her hands shook as she attempted to clean Krista’s slender hands, and wrap a bandage around them. When she was done, Krista put her hands back on her head. She didn’t say a word.

“What the hell just happened?” Krista’s phone sat on the ground in front of them, the screen was broken and black. The wall had a small new hole.

Krista didn’t say anything.

“Please, Krista, talk to me,” Ymir begged scooting closer. Krista looked up again, she put her hands over her mouth as tears filled her eyes. She shook her head. “Who was that on the phone?” Still no answer. “Was that your mom?” Krista’s eyes widened and she stood up suddenly.

“No. No we’re not doing this.” She attempted to walk away, but then staggered, catching herself on the desk, her legs were shaking.

Ymir put her hands on Krista’s elbows. “No, you look awful. You need to sit down.” She began walking Krista over to her bed. Krista shook her off.

“How do you know what I need?” she snipped, still leaning against the desk. “You don’t even know the first thing about me,” she added darkly. “You should just leave. I don’t—I don’t want you here,” she said, holding her head in her hands.

“I know you’re in fucking shock,” Ymir exasperated. “And I think you should sit down for a bit.”

“I’m trying to tell you to leave,” Krista asserted.

“And I’m telling you that I’m not gonna do that.” There was no way Ymir could leave Krista on her own. Obviously Krista had some unresolved issues that she was lying to Ymir about, but that didn’t really matter. What mattered most was that Krista was not safe right now.

“I don’t want to do this right now, Ymir,” Krista exasperated.

“You don’t want to do what? Deal with whatever shit you got going on? I’m sure ignoring it is going to do you just fine,” Ymir quipped. Krista gaped at Ymir. Then she stood up straighter, about to yell, but Ymir cut her off. “And why is it always the wrong time? At some point you are going to have to face your issues and stop running from them!”

“Why don’t you back off when you’re supposed to? How many times do I have to tell you no before you finally get it? You have never respected my boundaries!” Krista looked more angry than Ymir had ever seen her. Her eyes were biting and her words harsh.

Ymir’s jaw dropped as the weight of Krista’s words settled in her stomach. “I _have_ backed down for you,” Ymir seethed. “But I won’t back down about this, about you now. You need somebody.”

“Why won’t you just leave when I ask you to?”

“Cause I’m your fucking friend.”

Krista laughed bitterly. “There’s nothing for you here, Ymir. I’m not going to fuck you, so just leave.” Ymir’s jaw dropped. Not only did Krista swear, but she insulted her. “And if you don’t leave right now and finally, finally respect my boundaries, I won’t put you up anymore. I won’t feed you or let you sleep here.”

“Is that all you think of me?” Ymir breathed. Krista’s eyes seemed sincere, blaming. Ymir hadn’t thought she’d screwed things up that badly. Still, when she looked past Krista’s set jaw and angry gaze, she saw the slim, shaken figure of a broken girl. She sighed. “Please, just sit down.”

“No,” Krista insisted. “I think I’ve made myself clear. I want you to leave.”

“How am I supposed to leave?” Ymir asked. “Look at the state you’re in. I can’t fucking leave you like this.”

Krista’s breath hitched as she turned her head away. A single tear fell down. “You will because I asked you to leave.”

“No. No I won’t.” Ymir shouted, taking a step towards Krista.

“What are you gonna do? Threaten me? Force me? Some friend you turned out to be. I should have listen to everyone when they said you were bad news.”

“What the hell, Blondie?!” Ymir shouted. “Are you going to attack everything about me right now, because we can do that. What should we start with? I’m selfish, I don’t think enough about what other people need and yeah, I don’t back down when others think I should. I’m stubborn and I fight everyone. I’m stupid and I don’t talk polite or say the little nice things you’re supposed to say. I mess almost everything up, but I am nothing if not honest. And I told you I can be your friend. As your friend I won’t let you do something stupid. So, don’t you dare insult my friendship!” Ymir was breathing heavily. After a moment, Ymir witnessed Krista’s heart breaking again as tears began forming in her eyes and she collapsed in Ymir arms and they both fell to their knees.

“I can’t—I don’t want to lose you,” she stuttered through her tears. Ymir rubbed her back gently.

“It’s hard to lose me. You’re stuck with me, remember?”

Krista sobbed heavily. “Why would you do that for me?”

“Selfish reasons,” Ymir cooed. She held Krista tighter and Krista squeezed back, still shaking.

“I don’t understand. You say it’s selfish, but you keep trying to protect me. What do you want from me?”

Ymir thought for a moment. There were several things she wanted from Krista, but when it came down to it, Ymir felt her desires didn’t matter as much as Krista’s happiness.

“Everyone wants something, Ymir, and I—I keep waiting for you to take it,” Krista cried, suddenly convulsing with sobs, her hands clutching Ymir’s shirt. Ymir’s heart was breaking.

“Do you want to know what I want from you?” Ymir asked gently after Krista’s sobs became quieter. Krista nodded against Ymir’s shoulder. Ymir leaned back against the side of Krista’s bed, Krista now leaning on top of her, as Ymir placed her hand on the back of Krista’s head while the other encircled her body.

Krista was mistaken when she said that Ymir was just using her for her food, her home, and to get laid. Ymir knew Krista didn’t mean it, or at least she hoped she didn’t because what Ymir felt for Krista was different than with other girls. She was glad to see that Krista wasn’t always the goody-two-shoes she seemed and she wanted to know the whole story. She wanted to see the real Krista. Despite the fact that the real Krista was defensive and mean, Ymir liked what she saw because it was flawed and human. Anyways, Ymir had thick skin, and if yelling at Ymir helped free Krista, she would take it. She would take it in the hopes of what it would produce.

“I want you to live a life free of other’s expectations, including mine.” Krista was silent.

“How can I do that?”

“You could start by taking care of yourself.”

Krista began to cry again. “I thought I was.”

“Maybe you can’t do it alone,” Ymir suggested.

Krista stiffened and began to furiously wipe her tears as she sat up. “No. No, it’s better alone. People only let you down.” Krista set her shoulders and looked over at the dent in her wall where she’d bashed her phone.

Ymir sat up straighter and took Krista’s hands in her own. They were bandaged and bloodied. So much different than the clean slender fingers that had been entwined in hers only an hour before. Krista jumped a little.

“Can we talk about what happened tonight?”

Krista bit her lip and shook her head almost pleading.

“You got a phone call…” Ymir baited.

“From someone I didn’t want to talk to,” Krista added harshly. Then she put her head in her hands. “Someone I shut out of my life for a good reason.”

“Why did you shut them out?”

“Very good reasons,” Krista sobbed, once again falling to Ymir’s embrace. “Can we talk about this later?” Krista begged. “I just want to sleep. Ymir wrapped her arms around Krista’s small waist.

“Will you talk about it later?” Krista hid her face in Ymir’s shirt and then nodded. Ymir sighed. She really didn’t believe it, but she really didn’t think it was worth pushing. Krista was so fragile. Who knows what had happened to her. So, she couldn’t help herself but hold Krista tighter. “I wish I could protect you from whatever’s happened to you.” Krista only sobbed harder as Ymir held her shaking body, her teeshirt wet with all the tears. They sat there on the ground for several minutes until Krista had calmed down again. Krista, exhausted, lay her head on Ymir’s shoulder and yawned.

“Alright, time for bed,” Ymir announced, helping Krista slowly to her feet. She sat Krista down on her bed, and reluctantly turned around to head out the door.

Ymir turned around, surprised to find Krista’s hand lightly griping her fingertips. Krista looked up at her, her bright blue eyes rimmed red and her lips quivering. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Ymir’s eyes widened. Was this an invitation? After all the shit Krista said about her, she still wanted to be around Ymir. Ymir sighed. “Okay. Put your pajamas on.” Krista nodded and got to work as Ymir shut the door. He heart was pounding slightly in a way she couldn’t control. As Ymir threw on a pair of pajama shorts and slipped her bra off, she scolded herself for reacting this way. Krista was just sad and tired. She might have changed her mind anyways. Yeah, that made more sense. So, Ymir went and stretched out on the sofa instead of knocking on Krista’s door like she wanted to.

But then Krista appeared in the doorway, wearing the same white long-sleeved top and pink short shorts with hearts all over them that Ymir had seen the first time she’d been over to Hanji’s. Ymir decided then that Krista could likely walk all over her heart and she wouldn’t care. Krista looked scared, but she headed over to Ymir anyway and sat up on whatever small space Ymir wasn’t stretched over.

“I remember you wearing those pajamas at Hanji’s before the beach party,” Ymir remarked.

“Have I not worn them since then?” Krista asked tiredly.

Ymir shrugged. “I don’t live with you. How would I know?” Krista simply reached for Ymir’s hand. “Are you going to talk to Hanji again?” Ymir asked suddenly curious.

Krista let go of Ymir’s hand and squared herself away from Ymir. “No.”

Ymir sat up and rested her head on Krista’s shoulder. “Won’t that be lonely?”

Krista looked down at her hands then back into the distance. “I don’t care.”

“This is a side of you I don’t usually see,” Ymir remarked softly.

“Maybe it’s the real me,” Krista whispered, hanging her head.

“That’d be okay.” Krista rested her head against Ymir’s as a few quiet tears fell onto her hands.

“I’m sorry, I’m just—I’m just tired.” Then Krista stood up and tugged on Ymir’s hand, dragging her into her bedroom. She led Ymir to the bed and the turned around the shut the door. Ymir sat at the foot of the bed and watched as Krista turned out the light. When Krista returned she sat cross legged at the head of the bed, and stared at Ymir. Ymir was too scared she’d ruin this moment to say anything. Krista threw back the sheets and motioned Ymir forward.

They both crawled under the sheets and lay on their backs. Krista was shaking, but turned onto her stomach to lay on Ymir’s chest. After a few minutes Ymir said, “You know, if you’re uncomfortable with this I can just go sleep on the couch.”

“No!” Krista shouted. She clutched at Ymir’s night shirt. “I want you here. I don’t wanna—tonight I don’t wanna be afraid.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“Everything,” Krista said with a sob. “But I want you here. I want to be different.” She began to cry again so Ymir just rubbed her back gently as Krista mumbled, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to see and I yelled at you. You should’ve just left me,” she sobbed.

“That wouldn’t have done anyone any good.”

“I—I wish I was more like you,” she sniffled, throwing her arm around Ymir and holding her closer.

Ymir started. “What?! That’s a dumb wish.”

“No it’s not,” Krista whispered gently. Ymir was about to open her mouth in reply when Krista’s finger reached her lips. “Shh. It’s my wish.” So Ymir settled down into the bed simply to stare at the ceiling. Krista wanted to be like her, she humphed. What a dumb thought. She was a nobody from nowhere with nothing. Not like Krista who had something to run from, sure, but had such a bright future ahead of her. As she looked down at the now serene face still streaked with tear-marks and slightly red, she couldn’t help but begin running her hand through the girl’s soft blonde hair. Krista made a small noise and snuggled her face on Ymir’s chest. So, Ymir continued until she felt certain the girl had fallen asleep.

But Ymir couldn’t sleep. She kept wondering what she was supposed to do now. It was obvious Krista was running from something, but what? Her mom, someone connected with her mom? It could be anything. All, she knew was that someone had hurt Krista, and this phone call caused Krista to break down so completely. And Krista was mad at Hanji, so really, Hanji knew what was happening. If Ymir couldn’t break down Krista, she knew where to look because someone had to look out for Krista, and Ymir was just the girl.

                                                                        *          *          *

Over the next week, Ymir stayed at Krista’s every night, even when she worked late. After she’d finished working she’d drive up to the dorm room and call Krista who was always awake. She’d said she couldn’t sleep alone and left it at that. Krista would walk her in. The first couple of days Krista’s roommates just gave her a knowing stare, but after a couple of days, they began to look concerned. Krista wasn’t sleeping much even with Ymir over. Many nights, the girl would wake up screaming and she’d cling to Ymir until she calmed down.

Ymir was in the deep end. Krista wouldn’t say anything, she wasn’t talking to Hanji, and Ymir thought maybe she hadn’t been eating much either. Mikasa and Sasha told Ymir that she hadn’t gone to classes that week. She’d just stayed in her room and barely talked to anyone except Ymir. Apparently, they’d heard that Hanji was doing the same. The professor hadn’t been to classes in a week. So, finally Ymir had to act.

One night, while Krista was sleeping, she snatched the girl’s broken phone off of the desk where it lay with a shattered screen. As Ymir held the phone in her hand she looked back over at the form of Krista sleeping on the bed alone. She flipped the phone over in her hand. Was it really worth it to betray Krista’s desire to cut ties with Hanji? If she pried, Krista would definitely be upset. Besides her night terrors, Krista no longer showed the emotions she had the first night. She wouldn’t talk about what had happened and shut her out when she tried. That was it, she clutched the phone in her hand and stepped out of the room.

“Please say this thing still works,” she whispered to herself. She propped herself on the arm of the couch and pressed the power button. She was surprised when the screen lit up although it was patchy. She searched frantically through the contacts to find Hanji, and despite the fact that it was already 2 in the morning, she pressed the call button.

                                                                        *          *          *

It was probably a mistake to come over and visit Hanji when she was broken up about her fight with Krista. The slight slur in Hanji’s words over the phone and the utter disappointment when Hanji realized it wasn’t Krista calling definitely tipped her off that the older woman was vulnerable.

It was definitely a mistake to show up at the apartment complex with a case of beer.

But then again, it wasn’t a mistake. Ymir knew what she was doing. She just hoped Krista wouldn’t get too pissed at her. But how was she supposed to help Krista if the girl refused to talk to anyone?

After knocking on the door a few times she heard Hanji stumble up to the door. Hanji opened the door a crack and pouted when looking around Ymir she didn’t see anyone else.

“Ymir, what a surprise,” the older woman smiled lightly. She was slightly slumped over, leaning on the door. Hanji’s hair was in a halfhazard ponytail. She looked like she hadn’t slept in a long time.

Ymir simply held up her case of beer. “Can I come in?”

Hanji perked up a bit and waved her inside. “Oh Ymir! You didn’t have to bring me anything!” She grabbed the case of beer and began to make her way to the couch with Ymir following close behind. “You’re so thoughtful!” Hanji said with a thud as she sat on the couch. She grabbed a bottle and immediately cracked one open. Ymir noticed a mostly empty bottle of whiskey on the table next to her. She couldn’t be sure how much Hanji had drank already, but she’d have to find a way to keep Hanji away from the hard stuff and keep her drunk but not unconscious.

“You just stay there, Hanji, I’ll put these in the fridge and get us some water.” As Ymir walked through the apartment to the fridge, she noticed that all the curtains were drawn and the place was a mess of papers, old take-out boxes, laundry, and a few potted plants that looked like they had been thrown to the ground. Ymir slicked back her bangs as she set the case of beer in the fridge and slid one out for herself. She was going to need it.

She grabbed two cups of water and handed one to Hanji who hadn’t spoken much since sitting down. She was leaning on her elbow almost listless.

Ymir grabbed the beer from her hand and replaced it with water.

“Ah! Oh, Ymir, when did you get here?”

“You just let me in, Hanji.”

“Hm. I must have fallen asleep,” she said slowly, wiping her eyes with a sleeve.

Ymir sat down next to Hanji. “You look tired, four eyes.”

“Ah! Yes, yes,” Hanji agreed fiddling her hands. “Well, you see, I haven’t been able to sleep and I—I did something bad recently and I can’t seem to—to make it right,” Hanji stumbled, beginning to tear up.

“Yes, I was with Krista when she got the call,” Ymir said, hoping Hanji would open up.

“Ah, was she—how is she?” Hanji asked in tears. “She won’t talk to me or see me and I’ve tried, but she doesn’t even look at me. I never wanted to do this to her, I just thought it would be best. She had something to say and I didn’t want to keep her away, but I shouldn’t have done that I knew that I just—I just…” Hanji drifted off for a moment.

“Drink some water,” Ymir insisted. Hanji simply nodded and complied. Ymir felt mother-like. She imagined Krista must have felt this way all the time. “Krista is…distant. She has been crying a lot and skipping classes, not sleeping just like you. I think she needs you, Hanji.”

“You do?” The older woman perked up and turned to face Ymir. “I know I could take care of her! We could get back on track if she’d just talk to me, and then we could stay here and I wouldn’t—I wouldn’t,” Hanji glanced at Ymir suspiciously and then abruptly stopped speaking. “I shouldn’t tell you that. Krista wouldn’t like that.”

“Krista told me what happened. She won’t talk about it anymore, but she told me. And she’s pissed with you,” Ymir lied.

“So then you know?” Hanji asked, tears filling her eyes. Ymir nodded seriously. “Then you know how much I messed up!” Hanji cried, hugging Ymir’s shoulders. Ymir couldn’t help but notice the similarities between Krista and her aunt. Mostly because this was the second family member she’d had crying on her this week. Then, Hanji grasped her shoulders and looked at Ymir in the eyes. “I didn’t mean to give her Krista’s number, but she said she had something very important to tell her and that she was in danger, otherwise I wouldn’t have done it. I protected Krista, you know. For so many years Krista never talked about her mom, but I knew how badly she hated her. I knew that, I just thought she was doing so much better, and this seemed so important. Krista hides things from me too, you know.”

“Krista hides things from everyone.” Ymir felt glad her suspicions were confirmed. It had been Krista’s mom who called. But then, why did Krista say she was dead? Still, Ymir wondered what could have prompted Hanji to betray Krista’s trust. “Did she say what Krista was in danger from?”

“No,” Hanji added sadly. “If I was a better parent, I would have asked more, but I never much knew how to be a mother. I thought I was doing a better job than my sister, but I’m,” she sniffled loudly, “I’m just not!”

“Anyone is better than that asshole,” Ymir consoled, although she knew nothing about Krista’s mom.

“I should have kept better contact with her. Then maybe Krista wouldn’t have spent so many years with her. Who knows exactly what happened to her. When we went to trial, Krista had been malnourished and of course the incident had happened, and my sister didn’t even fight for custody. Who does that? She just let me take Krista, but then Krista wouldn’t say a word to her after the incident. She barely even looked at her mom. Maybe now, she’ll never talk to me again either,” Hanji bawled.

Ymir wondered what the incident had been. But still, pieces were falling into place. Krista hadn’t grown up well-off or well-treated. She’d been hurt, ignored. Of course Krista would wish her mom was dead.

“We have to find a way to get you two to talk again,” Ymir mused out loud. “But you really fucking messed up,” Ymir chastised. Hanji whimpered a little, but nodded her head. “You need to get your act together, beer breath.”

“I was trying to help her, but I’ve never been very good with people.” Hanji sighed, her head in her hands. “It’s just my sister was so serious about it. Said something was going to happen soon. But, she could have been lying. I can’t always tell. But,” Hanji suddenly got very serious and looked at Ymir in her eyes. She spoke very clearly. “I know that something happened to the two of them. There is a gap in Krista’s history that neither of them will speak of. When I bring it up, she gets scared and I can tell. I thought this new danger might have to do with that. Krista was in foster care several times throughout her life, then there was a gap of time that they both disappeared from the system’s records. But where did they go?”

Ymir squinted her eyes. She knew that Krista was more interesting than she’d let on, but she wondered now just how interesting. “It’s like that then, huh?”

Hanji nodded.

“You need to tell her, but she’s not going to want to listen.” Ymir mused. “AND you need to be extremely repentant. Because as much as the information might have been helpful, you gave Krista no warning and did not ask her permission. I can try to get the two of you together, but I will not promise that it will be soon, or even that it will happen.”

“You would do that for me? Oh, Ymir! I just knew you would be a good thing for Krista! I have to get cleaned up in case she wants to come back!” Hanji attempted to stand up, but was so unbalanced that she nearly fell over backwards. Ymir pulled her down by her arm, and she crashed on the couch with a thud.

“You should stay here tonight and clean in the morning. As she pushed Hanji down on the couch, and threw a blanket at her, she noticed the corner of a photobook peeking out from under the couch. She pulled it out. “What’s this?” she asked opening up to a random page. She sat down at the coffee table to examine it as Hanji spread out on the couch.

“It’s all the pictures I have of Krista. I don’t have very many,” Hanji sighed. “She hated pictures when we first started living together.”

Ymir saw a picture of Krista with Hanji at a greenhouse, she must have been around 13. While Hanji was squeezing her shoulder and smiling broadly, Krista stared blankly at the camera. She was so small and thin. As she flipped through she began to see Krista lighten up and smile again. But there were not really many pictures of friends. There was one picture of her and Annie spread out at their kitchen table, Krista smiled gently as Annie gave her usual blank stare, but they didn’t look very close. The final pictures were of Krista graduating high school with a large grin on her face, full of chords and pins for all her accomplishments. Curious, Ymir flipped to the front of the book.

“There are not many baby pictures,” Hanji sighed. Ymir had thought she was asleep. “I managed to take a few off of my sister while I gathered Krista’s things. I don’t know when or where they were taken.”

There were one or two baby pictures that were heavily worn and crumpled. One had a stain on the front. Then there was one picture of Krista where she looked to be about five or six. She looked like she had just been crying. There was a man’s hand on her shoulder. Ymir squinted. She took the picture from the pocket. The man was wearing a large ring with an insignia on it. She couldn’t help but feel that she’d seen it before. She looked back to see Hanji sleeping soundly. She slipped the photo in her pocket.

Standing up Ymir cracked her back. She had a lot of work ahead of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little angsty and I'm sorry! While I'm apologizing, I am also sorry it took so long to update, my life has been beyond crazy with work, school, and shitty family stuff. However, stuff is finally cooking with Krista's back story. I hope you like it!


	8. Run or Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krista has spent her whole life running from her past and from herself. She has to make a choice, give up or give in. Run or fight.

Krista woke with a start, she was covered in sweat and breathing hard. She closed her eyes tight trying to forget her nightmare, but it wouldn’t go away. She couldn’t shake that feeling that he was after her. That they’d find her and she’d have to go back. She scrubbed at her face as if she could get rid of the feeling of his hand on her cheek. Then she turned over to hold Ymir, only as she turned, her arm slammed down on the bed. Her eyes shot open in panic. In the dim light she saw no sign of Ymir. She sat up suddenly. _Ymir is gone? Where did she go?_ She ran into the living room in a flurry, hoping to see her. But the living room was dark and silent, empty. She ran to the bathroom, pushed open the door and flipped the light, but still no Ymir.

 _Where could she have gone? What if they found her? Did they take Ymir? Why would they do that?_ She retreated to her room and sat against the wall at the end of her bed, holding her knees. No, that was ridiculous. He would want her to come to him and, anyway, he didn’t know where she was or who she was, did he? Krista ran her fingers across her scabbed knuckles.  She tried to calm down, but her tears were falling fast despite her efforts. Her heart raced as an unexplainable disgusting feeling filled her gut. She felt somehow dirty inside and out. She couldn’t shake the feeling that _he_ was trying to find her, but she’d had this feeling before for a long time and nothing came of it. Still, why would her mother ever call her unless, unless she was motivated.

She set her jaw. She knew what she’d do if he found her again. She wiped her tears away, and hugged her knees closer. It would never happen again, not if she could help it. She reached under her mattress to find the knife she’d hidden under her bed. She grasped it tight between her fingers and it helped ground her. He’d never take her alive.

Still, she was concerned about Ymir. It was late, when did she leave?

Krista got up and flipped the light on. As she blinked, adjusting her eyes, she ran to her bed and tore the blankets off. She didn’t know what she was looking for. Just something to show she’d been here. Krista looked over her shoulder. Ymir’s duffle bag was gone from the corner. There were a few take-out boxes on the desk from when Ymir had tried to get Krista to eat. Krista ran to the desk and spotted writing.

On the back of a receipt in Ymir’s scraggly handwriting was the note she was looking for. It simply said:

“Had to go home Princess.”

Krista frowned a little. She hoped there hadn’t been an emergency.

Then at the bottom of the receipt she had written “Left you something under my pillow.” With a winky face.

Krista rolled her eyes, blushing slightly. Still, she walked over to the extra pillow Ymir had been using and found Ymir’s Twenty-One Pilots teeshirt. She gripped it tight and sat down again, curling her legs to her chest. Her heart was still racing. She put Ymir’s shirt to her nose. It smelled just like her. It was a mix of laundry detergent and musk. She chuckled, but soon the guilt rode into her stomach. She put the shirt down beside her.

 _Ymir._ She sighed, thinking of how awful she’d been to Ymir. She’d tried to get Ymir to leave her alone after she’d gotten the call. She didn’t want Ymir to have to pretend to care about her. But Ymir wouldn’t leave. Even when she’d told her there was nothing here for her, because there wasn’t. Krista hugged herself tighter, shutting her eyes. Krista was really nothing, just a shell of a girl running from herself. Still, even after Krista’d yelled at her, Ymir still said she’d stick by Krista. Maybe she wasn’t lying. Maybe she really would stick around.

Krista turned her head to the side to look at Ymir’s teeshirt. She reached down to play with the hem. Then she brought her head to her knees once more, filled with sadness. Why did Ymir think she was worth all the trouble? Despite what Ymir had said, Krista still believed Ymir wanted something from her. Everyone always took from her, until she had nothing more to give. She started sobbing as she lay down on her side to bury her face in her pillow.

_I want you to live a life free of other’s expectations, including mine._

_What did she mean? How are you supposed to do that?_ The thoughts raced through her mind. _What am I without other people’s expectations?_ _Nothing, I am nothing._

Krista reached for Ymir’s shirt and brought it to her face. _Ymir thinks I’m something._ After a few moments imagining the way she felt when Ymir just held her, she buried her face in her pillow. What was she doing with Ymir? She rolled over on to her back to stare blankly at the ceiling. Krista knew Ymir’d be better off without her. She was never going to be anything but this sad, scared little girl. And Ymir didn’t need her trouble.

Krista held up Ymir’s shirt. She thought of the day she first met Ymir. Krista hadn’t thought Ymir liked her at all, and she hadn’t liked Ymir. She had been rude and prying. Krista hadn’t liked the way Ymir always put her arm around her, but she loved the way her smile made Ymir flustered. She knew Ymir wasn’t all that bad when she’d watched Ymir work when she thought no one was watching. She’d help the older customers take groceries to their cars or listen to them talk about their cats.

Krista lowered Ymir’s shirt and onto her chest. What really got her about Ymir was that she almost never used her name. It was almost as if she knew, but that was impossible. No one knew, not even Hanji. She almost wished Ymir knew everything about her history. Then maybe…

 _No_ , Krista thought. It was better that no one knew.

But then she’d be alone forever. Once again Krista curled up into a ball. She started to cry. She didn’t want to be alone. She thought of the girl she’d wanted to be. The happy-go-lucky Krista who treated everyone well and didn’t have a care in the world. But she was so afraid of losing everything she had, everything she was. She was so afraid that she couldn’t even love Ymir the way she wanted to. Krista hadn’t even thought it was possible for her to love someone the way she loved Ymir. But she was afraid. Afraid that Ymir would reject her when she told her what had happened.

And Ymir was a girl. Krista’s heart was pounding as she shut her eyes tight. She’d never dated anyone, no boy and especially no girl. She hardly let herself look at a girl that way not since…she swallowed trying to rid herself of the memories. She’d lose everyone if she dated a girl that’s what they’d said. But that shouldn’t matter. What they said was wrong, what they did was wrong. But she couldn’t help herself. What if she lost everything? She couldn’t let herself love a girl. But then why was Krista letting herself be taken care of by Ymir? It was cruel of her to let Ymir get so close when there was nothing here.

The truth was, Krista was selfish. She needed Ymir by her side, and Ymir had said that it was what she wanted. So, for now this was just going to have to be enough.

Krista sat up in bed and held Ymir’s shirt in her lap. Then she pulled off her sleep shirt and exchanged it for Ymir’s. The feel of the fabric on her skin was comforting. Krista may not have had a home to go back to after what Hanji had done, but at least she had Ymir.

Krista went up to turn out the light and crawled back to bed, the smell of Ymir’s shirt helping lull her to sleep.

                                                                        *          *          *

When Krista woke up the next day, she was surprised to find she hadn’t had any nightmares for the first time that week. She felt like she’d slept for days, but in the best way. The sun was dull that day, although her clock read 11 am. As she sat up, she surveyed the dull October day out of her window. It was almost a comfort that the day was as depressing as she felt.

Suddenly she saw a black car driving slowly past her dorm building. She clutched her chest and ducked her head below the window, her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. What if it was him? He couldn’t take her. She grasped for her knife again, the cold metal against her skin making her feel a little better. Then she opened the blade and lifted her head again. The car had parked and a college student and his mom were hugging outside the car. Krista relaxed her head against the window frame, her breath still too quick and labored. It was nothing. She threw the knife across the room as her body shook. She couldn’t live like this.

How many years had she lived in fear that he’d find her? But he hadn’t, so why start now? He’d always seen her as useless, non-threatening. She was nothing, nothing. So, he wouldn’t find her. She’d changed her name, she’d become different. Krista was safe.

Still, Krista moved over to desk in a frenzy. She opened the jewelry box that Hanji had given her when she was younger. She dumped all the necklaces and earrings on the table and reached on the bottom for the small string to pull out the fake bottom. Folded neatly on the bottom was just the paper she was looking for. She had worked so hard to smuggle this paper, her and _Frieda_. 

She wouldn’t let Frieda down by living in fear. She owed her. Slowly, Krista unfolded the crisp paper to make sure the signatures were still in place. She sighed in relief. Then she fingered the small flash drive of files. Just thinking about it brought a lump to her stomach. Her heart fluttered. This was her power. After all these years, she wasn’t sure how she’d use it or even if she could, but she’d figure it out.

Krista let a few tears fall thinking about Frieda, but she quickly pushed those thoughts aside, like she thought Frieda wanted her to. And she tucked the paper, flash drive, and jewelry back into their hiding spots.

As she wiped the tears from her face, she felt a sense of resolve. She had to stop moping. She had to do it for Frieda. She had to become a better person.

She wiped her tears and began to clean her room. She had to start somewhere. The knife she tucked into her hiding spot under the bed, but most everything else was fair game. First, she needed to throw away all the old take-out boxes.

                                                                        *          *          *

When Krista emerged into the apartment, and headed straight to the kitchen because she finally felt hungry, she ran into a very surprised Sasha. The girl looked like a deer in the headlights with a poptart hanging out of her mouth. Krista didn’t know what to say. She’d avoided and refused to talk to her roommates all week, only talking to Ymir. She looked down at her feet and rubbed the back of her head.

“Um, who would I go to to ask about all the homework I missed?” she asked.

A big smile broke out on the taller girl’s face. She set the poptart on the counter behind her. “Yeha, homework!” She grabbed Krista by the shoulders. “Yeah, I bet we could ask, umm, Armin maybe.” She huffed. “Actually I have no clue. Do you want me to make you some lunch? I can make a burger if you ask nicely,” she winked.

As if on cue, Krista’s stomach growled. She giggled, “That would be perfect.”

Sasha gestured at the kitchen table for Krista to sit down, and it was almost as if nothing had happened. And really, nothing had happened, Krista told herself. Her mom had called. It wasn’t that big of a deal. She smiled over at Sasha who began making a mess of the kitchen already; however, Krista wasn’t concerned. No matter how messy things got, Sasha’s meals never caught on fire like Hanji’s had.

The lump was back in her stomach. As mad as she was at the woman, she kinda missed Hanji. She always had felt safe for her.

Sasha looked over quickly, rinsed off her hands and rushed to Krista’s side.

“What’s wrong?”

Krista waved her away. “I was just thinking about Hanji.” Somehow Krista couldn’t lie.

“Are you still not talking?” Sasha put a hand over her mouth. “I wasn’t supposed to ask you that. Ugh, why did Mikasa have to be gone now,” she mumbled to herself. “I’m sorry, just ignore me, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Sasha shyly tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and turned back to her cooking.

“It’s okay, Sasha,” Krista smiled. She felt bad that her roommates had been walking on eggshells around her, but then she didn’t want to talk about it.

“Can-can I ask if you’re doing better?” she said turning to look at Krisa.

“I guess,” Krista sighed. “It can’t be bad forever, can it?” she said trying to believe the false hope she was spreading. But as Sasha turned around, she felt a shiver go up her spine that almost made her want to crawl right back in bed. But she closed her eyes and pictured Frieda.

“No, it can’t,” Sasha spoke wistfully, as she pounded out a patty. She turned around to Krista. “That’s what my mom always said to me. But it can be hard to believe sometimes. You know, my dad kicked me out when I was sixteen, and I thought it was going to be awful the rest of my life, but look where I am now! At college and meeting all sorts of wonderful people. I know that it doesn’t have anything to do with whatever happened to you, but I think the hope still translates.” Sasha smiled a toothy smile over at Krista and she felt her heart lighten.

“Thanks,” she nearly choked out. She felt a few tears pour out of her eyes. She was so sorry to have made Sasha worry about her, someone with such a big heart. “You are a good friend, Sasha.”

Sasha blushed. “Just-just wait until you taste my burger, it’s much better than anything you’ve ever tasted, I promise! I don’t always say the right thing, but I think I can make it up with food.”

“I’ll bet it’s wonderful,” Krista smiled through her tears.

                                                                        *          *          *

As it turned out, Krista was only up for so much social time that day. Once Sasha had fed her and she’d showered and finished cleaning her room, Sasha had called in Mikasa. And she’d been as stoic as ever, although she’d smiled a barely noticeable grin when she’d thought Krista wasn’t looking. Mikasa hadn’t asked any questions, and silenced Sasha’s probes a few times.

Apparently the professors had been told that she had a family emergency which Hanji backed up, so she wasn’t in trouble for missing class, but she had a lot of work to make up. Krista tried not to cringe when Mikasa had mentioned Hanji. Mikasa pulled out a small binder filled with notes from class along with make-up assignments.

“Annie and Armin worked together to get you these, perhaps you’ll want to meet with them later for help” Mikasa suggested.

Krista sighed. “Not today, I think.” She felt winded. Perhaps this was too much.

Mikasa nodded.

“That’s way too much work,” Sasha complained, sticking her tongue out.

Krista chuckled a little, still feeling intimidated. “You’re not the one who has to do it.”

“Are you sure? I can read it for you!” Sasha piped up.

“No thanks, I think I’m just going to,” she gestured towards her room, but she saw the strained looks on her friend’s faces. Sasha worried her lip and looked cautiously at Mikasa, her eyebrows drawn. Mikasa’s cast her eyes down in something akin to disappointment. It was then that she truly saw how affected they were by her absence. She heart sputtered, wrought with guilt. “Uh, perhaps I’ll keep the door open?” she suggested quietly.

Sasha smiled toothily while Mikasa just nodded at her.

“You just let me know if you need anything,” Sasha grinned, as she pulled Krista into a light side-hug.

Krista grinned, but felt the weight of the arm touching her, so she pulled away to stand. She nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and gestured her notes in the air. “Well, I suppose I have a lot of work to do.”

Krista slunk off to her room then feeling a sense of relief as she settled down into her desk chair. She put the binder down first, not liking the noise as it slapped the hardwood surface, then she set her head down, facing the open door. Her mind was screaming with the urge to close it, to shut herself off and ignore everything again. But she made a promise to Sasha and Mikasa, and she’d made a promise to Frieda.

“Too many promises,” she sighed to herself.

She wanted more than anything to text Ymir, ask her when she’d be over, but all she had was her laptop because of the incident with her phone. She turned her head to look at the cracked screen sitting ominously on her spare desk. Everything about her was broken.

Krista’s train of though was broken as she heard a rustle outside her door. It was Mikasa, poised with a cup of tea.

“May I come in?”

Krista nodded slowly, she didn’t want Mikasa to see the sadness that had been building up.

Mikasa put the tea on the desk in front of Krista, and helped herself to a chair, pulling it next to the blonde. Then Mikasa sighed, looking out of Krista’s window. Krista loved Mikasa’s profile. She always looked so serious but put together, her short hair framing her gentle chin and her long lashes making her usually piercing eyes look gentle. She always seemed to know more than everyone else. But then, Krista spent her whole life trying to look unaffected. This time, however, Mikasa’s eyes looked a little pained, uncertain. She glanced over at Krista quickly, nervously, then darted her gaze to the window. She drew in a deep breath.

“I am not good at talking,” she began. “So, I’ll make this short. I learned a long time ago that we live in a cruel world. And I suspect that you know this as well.”

Krista drew in a deep breath, she stared into Mikasa’s eyes, and saw the comradery in Mikasa’s eyes, that stamp of misery that Krista sometimes felt only she experienced. She felt tears welling up, but vowed not to shed them.

“But,” Mikasa continued, emphasized. “This world is beautiful.” Krista saw Mikasa’s eyes sparkle then, as she smiled a half smile that seemed so much brighter on her face. Then Mikasa looked down at her hands, and cast a glance up to Krista, seeming to have no more to say. But Krista was a little taken aback, she didn’t know how to interpret what Mikasa had told her. She wished she could see the beauty, but there was so much bad.

Mikasa stood up after a few moments, her hand ghosted over Krista’s shoulder for a moment, then patted the desk in front of Krista as if to comfort her.

“Drink your tea.”

All of a sudden, Krista couldn’t help herself, she felt a laugh rolling out of her stomach and slipping through her mouth. The sight of Mikasa so awkward, not knowing how to comfort her, and dancing around her issues, she just couldn’t keep it in. Mikasa stared down aghast, but it only made Krista laugh harder. She kept seeing the look on Mikasa’s face as she patted the table, as if that would help. _This world is very beautiful._ She laughed harder, tears starting to fall out of her eyes.

Without really knowing what she was doing, she reached out for Mikasa’s hand.

“You’re beautiful, Mikasa,” she sighed, giggles turning to sobs.

Mikasa took Krista’s hand in both of hers and patted the back of her hand. She giggled lightly, the look of joy on her face, nearly blinding Krista.

Krista’s tears stopped then, and she wiped her eyes, one-handed. “Thank you Mikasa. I’ll—I’ll think about it,” she said, hoping Mikasa understood.

Mikasa nodded. Krista felt as if they both knew how difficult it was to find the world beautiful. But maybe Krista could give it a try.

                                                                        *          *          *

Krista had always been good at focusing on school. As long as she had a task, she could usually put aside any turmoil in her heart. For as long as she was busy, that was. So, with her head full of muscle groups and ligaments, she passed most of the day.

Sasha had made her stop for dinner at some point, but she’d read the whole time, trying desperately to catch up to get where she had been. She wasn’t at the head of her classes like she’d been in high school, but if she continued to miss class for an entire week, she’d never even pass her classes. When the sunlight faded, she simply turned on her lights, determined to at least get through half of her notes. Still, it seemed not much later that she began to yawn and rub her eyes. Still, she flipped her page and wrote a few more post-its in her textbook to ask Armin about later. Vaguely she heard the front door open and checked her clock, it was past 1:45 in the morning. More time had passed than she’d thought. She settled back in her seat and ran her fingers through her hair wondering if Mikasa was out late at Eren’s again.

Instead Ymir poked her head in the door, looking slightly haggard, several hairs poking out of her ponytail. Still, Ymir managed a smirk that made Krista’s heart beat faster. Krista once again wondered where she’d been this morning.

“You’re up late, princess.” Ymir noted, tossing Krista’s room keys next to her open notes. Krista hadn’t needed her keys since she hadn’t left her suite the whole week. Ymir proceeded to slip off her shoes and make herself comfortable on Krista’s bed. Ymir stretched her body across the bed, facing the ceiling with her arms under her head and closed her eyes.

Krista turned her chair around to look at the taller girl. She felt ashamed for how she’d behaved this past week. “I have a lot of work to do,” she remarked lamely. “To-to catch up on homework, that is.” Why did she feel nervous?

“Yeah, Miks texted me. She and Sash were happy to see you.” Ymir hadn’t even opened her eyes.

“You get updates on me?” Krista scoffed. She didn’t think that was quite necessary.

“Mmhmm,” Ymir mumbled. “Not that I ask for ‘em. I’m not your mom.” Ymir turned her head and opened one eye to look mischievously at Krista.

Krista averted her eyes. “G-good.” Then she turned around and looked down at her homework once again. It looked so much less interesting. Still, she picked up her pen and scribbled one more note.

“Kristaaaaa,” Ymir groaned. “Are you gunna do homework all night? Take a fucking break.”

“I-I can’t right now. I’ve missed too much, you know that.” Krista didn’t know what she was going to say to her professors, her classmates, _Armin_. She sure as hell couldn’t tell them the truth, but they deserved an answer. Hell, Ymir deserved some sort of answer. But.

“I don’t care. You can catch up tomorrow. I’ll let you wake up early,” Ymir’s voice became muffled. Krista turned around to see her face down on her pillow. She rolled her eyes and turned around. Part of her wanted to do just that. Sleep now and especially now that Ymir was here. But another part of her was yelling that not only was it inappropriate to sleep with Ymir, especially considering the girl’s feelings, but also because she really should pull an all-nighter. But with how little sleep she’d gotten all week, her body was breaking down.

“You know I slept really well last night.”

She heard a distant “Mm,” from Ymir behind her.

“I saw that you were gone, but I got your note. And I still slept well anyway.”

She heard the bed creak slightly as Ymir moved. She turned around to face her. Ymir had propped herself on her side, one hand propping her head up.

“But,” Krista continued. “Where did you go?”

Ymir sighed and closed her eyes. “Work,” she whined. “It’s always work. Levi needed me to come in early cause we’ve been short-staffed lately,” she added opening her eyes and cocking an eyebrow at Krista. “You know he’s unhappy with you too, missy. You may be cute, but he’ll still chew you out.”

Krista chewed her bottom lip, she’d completely forgot about Ackerman’s. With everything else, well, she knew Ymir still went there and the bar. Ymir never stopped working, but she hadn’t even thought of the consequences of missing her job. She sighed. “I suppose I have to take care of that too.”

Ymir waved her hand lazily. “Take it easy blondie. You don’t have to do everything all at once.”

“No, I’m-I’m embarrassed.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I overreacted and I screwed a lot of things up. Ymir I,” she sucked in a large breath, “I owe you an apology. I owe you an explanation, but I don’t think I can do that, I—”

“Hey.” Ymir sat up on the bed, a serious almost angry look in her eye. “You don’t owe me squat. You don’t owe nobody squat.” Ymir’s eyes burned holes in Krista’s, but Krista simply nodded. Ymir was right. Ymir’s shoulders relaxed as a slow smile spread across her face. “But I like seeing you back up and running, and I think I can live with that for now if you can.”

Krista nodded. Her shoulders were shaking, but she felt relieved. What had she done to deserve Ymir?

“Any day you feel like giving me the explanation though, I’m all ears.” Krista smiled at the girl. _Of course._ “Now can we please go to bed? I had a long night at work. Very nearly died breaking up a fight tonight. I got beer spilled on me and everything.”

“Ymir!” Krista called in shock. “You shouldn’t break up fights, leave that for somebody else.”

“Oh c’mon, blondie, don’t you yell at me too,” Ymir whined. “I thought if anything, you’d be proud of me for saving the faces of some poor drunk bastards, that really probably deserved it, but you know me, thoughtful as can be. Just wanted to save a few people for my gir—” Ymir’s eyes shot open wide. “G-good friend,” she continued lamely, hands moving to cover he face. “And you should ignore me, I’m too tired for words. Jesus fucking shit, I’m just gunna lay here and uh—”

Krista moved over to take one of Ymir’s hand that covered her face. She smiled, feeling tired, but still very grateful for Ymir tonight. The girl had done so much for her, without getting much in return. “I’m glad you’re okay, Ymir.”

Ymir calmed and looked Krista in the eye, her brown eyes warm with affection. “Same here.”

“Let’s go to bed.”

 

When Krista was alone in the bathroom to brush her teeth, she eyed her reflection. She still had dark circles under her eyes, but she’d washed her hair, and she felt that she looked much closer to normal. Sighing, she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and chewed her lip. Maybe she shouldn’t let Ymir sleep in her bed tonight. She could still say no, she thought as she put away her toothbrush.

She started peeling off her clothes to put on her pajamas and blushed when she felt the material of Ymir’s shirt slide over her bare skin. She should have chosen a different shirt. Ymir was going to say something for sure. She hadn’t even thought about what she’d grabbed, but she’d slept in it last night and…and she’d slept so well. She chewed her lip, as she slid on her heart patterned short-shorts. She’d let Ymir get so close, closer than she’d ever let someone. At the time, she couldn’t help herself, she was too lost. And now she, Krista furrowed her brow, now she was still just as lost. She slid down onto the floor of the bathroom, and held her knees.

 _What did mom want?_ The thought froze her blood and put a hard rock in her stomach. For all that she wanted for life to go on as usual, this one thought didn’t leave her mind. This threat of something bigger looming. She felt like she’d only been sitting there for a few minutes when she heard a light knock at the door. Ymir let herself in. It wasn’t the first time, she’d had to do this.

Ymir crouched down beside her and then plopped down, letting her legs criss-cross. She didn’t say anything. Krista looked at Ymir’s knee for a few seconds, slowly in clenching her hands from around her own knees. She’d really wanted to be better.

“It was a big day today,” Ymir remarked, looking at the wall in front of her, her voice sounding worn.

Krista nodded not liking how tired Ymir sounded. It was her fault after all. Earlier, she couldn’t make herself care about that, but now she felt a little guilty.

Ymir leaned her head back against the bathroom wall and sighed deeply, shutting the door with her foot. Krista turned her head, puzzled.

“Don’t be mad,” she whispered as she slid Krista’s broken phone out of her pocket.  

Krista found herself staring up at Ymir with reserved shock. “What did you do?” she asked slowly, her voice rising and shaking slightly. Her mind was rushing. _Did Ymir have the gall to call back her mother? Did she contact Hanji? Did Krista have anything on her phone that was bad? But maybe it wasn’t that bad at all. Maybe Ymir just got it fixed. But then again, what if she knows everything now? What would she do?_ She was frozen solid with fear and rage.

“Nothing,” Ymir defended. “…yet.”

“Ymir, what the hell are you thinking?”

Ymir raised her hands up in defeat. “Can I tell you my plan before you rip my head off?”

Krista narrowed her eyes, but nodded. Her heart was racing.

Ymir put her hands back in her lap and sighed. “You’re afraid of something, and I know it’s cause of that phone call. That call came with a threat, and you can’t live until you know what that threat is,” Ymir hissed. Krista’s eyes widened, how much did she know? “But you don’t want me to know, and you can’t make that call.” Ymir wiggled the broken phone on her lap. “But what if I knew someone that could?”

Krista shook her head violently. “No.”

Ymir simply stared at her with a serious expression.

“No, Ymir,” Krista’s voice was stern. Ymir didn’t understand. If they called her mom then she’d know Krista was still alive and where and with whom, and then…

“What if he was untrackable, threatening, cunning, and private?”

Krista chewed her lip. “Who do you know like that?” she scoffed, thinking about how her best friend was Connie—not the most useful guy.

“You’ve met him already. Small guy, short temper, bags under the eyes. Ring a bell?” she offered.

“Levi,” Krista mused. Something in Ymir’s eyes was a little too mischievous. Just who was Levi? She had always been curious about his background. He owned a beaten-down two-bit grocery store for old ladies, and he helped troubled kids, but he had the air of a mob boss. And what exactly had Ymir’s dealings with him been? It had been so long since she’d thought about all the warnings Ymir’s friends had given her. She hadn’t paid them any mind since most of them had been unfounded. Ymir had never taken advantage of her. But now she wondered, just what happened in Ymir’s past? And what made Levi so special?

“What’s Levi supposed to do for me?”

“Just hear me out,” Ymir started. “Levi’s a stuck-up prick, but he’s got a soft spot for kids in a hard place. All I’m saying is, we give him the number, he calls from an untrackable phone, gets you your information, and then you know what you need to without having to make the call yourself.” Krista looked up skeptically at Ymir. “ _And_ I’ll stay out of it. Hell, I’ll stay home that day.”

Krista opened her mouth to protest.

“Please, Krista,” she begged. Krista looked into Ymir’s chocolate brown eyes, and saw the desperation, but Krista fidgeted. It seemed too easy, too good to be true. And how could she be sure that Levi was trustworthy? “Please,” she repeated in a whisper.

Krista thought it over. She sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Levi about what happened to her. But she definitely wanted to know what her mother wanted. If something got her out of her usual stupor, it must be serious. Krista put her hand atop Ymir’s and squeezed.

“I will talk to Levi, but if I doubt this plan of yours for even one second, I am stopping it right then and there.” Ymir smiled widely and turned her hand around to intertwine their fingers. “And _you_ will most definitely not be there,” she threatened. Ymir put her other hand in the air.

“I swear on my life,” she said solemnly, but then broke out in a smile.

“What’s making you all happy,” Krista groaned. “This is serious stuff. There’s every possibility nothing will happen.”

“I just like to see that glimmer of hope in your eyes,” Ymir cooed in Krista’s ear, making a shiver go down her spine.

She made a show of rolling her eyes as she stood up off the floor. “If there’s a glimmer, it’s not hope, it’s lunacy.”

“What ever you want to call it,” Ymir quipped.

“Off to bed with you,” Krista chastised, pulling Ymir across the apartment to her room.

“By the way,” Ymir smirked as she was dragged. “I see you found my shirt.”

Krista flushed, as she rapidly let go of Ymir’s hand. “I did,” she huffed trying to come up with a good excuse. “And you can just shut your mouth,” she mumbled angrily.

Ymir laughed whole heartedly and took her hand to drag her off to bed. “It suits you,” she smiled, as they both settled down to sleep, exhausted from a long day.

                                                                        *          *          *

Krista woke up with a start. She’d been having another nightmare. She closed her eyes and tried to forget what happened. Hearing Ymir’s breathing behind her, she turned onto her other side to stare at the other girl. The yellow morning light shone on her face, making her freckles stand out more. She liked the gentle openness of Ymir’s face as she slept. There was something almost innocent about it. As if she was finally happy. When Ymir was awake, she looked perpetually stand-offish. But asleep, you could see the beauty of her long lashes without the piercing gaze, could follow the gentle curve of her eyebrows without their anger, and without the constant smirk on her lips, you could appreciate the gentleness of her cupid’s bow. Krista’s eyes followed the line of her jaw to Ymir’s exposed neck. She swallowed, her eyes darting up to Ymir’s eyes to make sure she was still sleeping. She sighed in relief when Ymir’s eyes were still shut, her breathing normal. Krista turned back to face the window.

 _That was stupid_ , she thought. Ymir could have seen and then she’d—she’d. Krista didn’t know what. She covered her face with her hands. She was just looking at her. It’s not like that was much worse than what she was already doing, sharing a bed with her. But she liked this. Ymir made her feel safe like maybe only Hanji had. And what Ymir was trying to do for her, with Levi. Maybe it would work. She couldn’t help that her heart hoped she could get rid of this anxiety, but at the same time, she wasn’t going to put herself at risk.

Ymir shifted in her sleep rolling herself closer to Krista, and her hand touched Krista’s back. She closed her eyes. But what if this worked? And she found out that the call had meant nothing? That at least for the time being, she could live her life normally. That her past wasn’t coming back to haunt her. Then _maybe_ she could truly live her life free of other’s expectations. Then she could—

She turned herself around again, and put her hand atop Ymir’s. She closed her eyes and smiled gently, reveling in the thought of what she could be and what she could do. She’d have a future, and a job she liked, and a nice home. She wouldn’t have to pretend to be happy, she just would be. She could even be with whomever she wanted to and she wouldn’t be afraid of what others thought, or even of herself. Her heart hurt with all the hope she had in her. More than she thought she even had anymore. She gripped Ymir’s hand tighter hoping if she held on tight enough, she’d be able to make it a reality for herself, for both of them.

Ymir stirred, and started to sigh deeply as she came to. She turned her hand over to grasp Krista back once. Then she rolled over heavily. “Krista?” She asked sleepily. Krista just closed her eyes tighter and shook her head. “What are you smiling for beautiful?”

“Absolutely nothing,” she laughed lightly. She liked hope, but in her heart of hearts she knew it didn’t get you very far.

She felt Ymir’s warm hand alongside her head as he girl wiped her thumb across her eye, there was a tear. She hadn’t even realized she’d been crying. Krista’s eyes opened her eyes to find Ymir’s soft brown eyes probing her with a silent question. Krista couldn’t meet her gaze. Her hope was fading fast under Ymir’s scrutiny. If she started a relationship with Ymir, she would only let her down, so she let her gaze fall and slowly took her hand back.

“Noooooo” Ymir whined, sounding sleepy again as she lay her head back down on the pillow. “I’m going to back to sleep, and when I wake up, you’d better be smiling I swear to god—” Ymir’s threats were muffled by her pillow. Krista smiled lightly, rolling her eyes. Ymir didn’t seem to take much seriously. So she poked her hard in the side.

More curses spewed into the pillow.

“Last night. Were you serious about Levi? Will he help if I ask?”

Ymir rolled over quickly. “I said let me sleep woman.”

“I can’t let you sleep when I need answers,” she demanded.

Ymir sighed and then pouted her lips as she eeked out, “Well, since I already asked him, I’d say yeah…”

“You already asked him?!”

Ymir flinched as if Krista was going to beat her. “I asked you not to be mad.”

“That was last night, this is this morning!” Krista sat up to get better leverage when beating the taller girl with her pillow.

When she stopped Ymir laughed, “You know, I really do like you when you’re angry.”

Krista groaned. “There’s no use. You’re incorrigible.”

Ymir sat up and joined Krista. “I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t absolutely sure it was safe,” she reassured, all silliness out of her voice. “And I’m not going to apologize. Levi is good, he’ll help you.”

“How can you be sure?” Krista bit her lip. 

 Ymir’s face became hard. “I’m sure,” she nodded, her gaze piercing. It held for a second, then Ymir rolled over suddenly.

Krista felt like she’d missed something. Ymir wasn’t going to tell her why she was so certain, but at least Ymir was telling the truth. Maybe this could work for her, maybe it had worked for Ymir. As she sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes, she stared over at the form of Ymir’s back for the first time feeling as if Ymir was the one shutting _her_ out. She felt so distant. Krista scrunched up her face. She hated this feeling. Krista sat herself against the wall, brought her knees to her chest, and rested her chin on her knees.  

“You’ve been so good to me,” she sighed. “I don’t understand why, but uh—thanks, Ymir.”

Ymir rolled over at that, breaking the wall she had put up. She ran her hand through her hair and quickly glazed at Krista before choosing to talk to the ceiling. “Yeah, it’s no big deal,” she mumbled. She look almost shy. Krista was baffled, and she couldn’t help but blush. Ymir liked seeing her angry and she liked seeing Ymir bashful.

Krista nudged her with her foot and smiled lightly. She didn’t deserve Ymir. “Aren’t you going to brag?”

Ymir’s eyes slid over to look at Krista. “Ain’t nothing to brag about yet.” After a moment, she put her hands behind her head and smirked. “Marry me when this is over, Krista,” she sighed, both eyelids closed.

Krista scoffed. “ _Sure_ , yeah, _when_ it’s over,” Krista quipped sarcastically. She looked down and wiggled her toes. She knew “this” was never going to be over. “This” was the entire mess that made up her life, who she was. That was never going to be over unless some miracle happened. That was _never_ going to happen.

Ymir opened one eye to look up at her, a shit-eating grin on her face. “Is that a yes?”

Krista jumped, “No! N-no, I-I only meant that…I said it wrong, I meant no, but I—”

Ymir laughed heartily as Krista sputtered. “You said sure!”

“You know what I meant,” she shouted.

Ymir started laughing again as Krista sat up to defend herself, Ymir finally sat up as well, grinning as she took Krista’s shoulders.

“When do you want to get married, mi amore?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Krista sighed.

“Right here, right now? We could go to Vegas—but no, I want to treat you like a queen.”

“Ymir,” she begged, her hand over her eyes.

“How do you feel about a spring wedding, just our closest friends and family? I’m bad at decorations, so you’ll take care of that shit.”

“Please stop.”

“I’ll wear whatever you want me to wear, but I hate dresses, and I’ll expect extra—”

Krista forcibly put her hand over Ymir’s mouth. “You’re an idiot.”

Ymir mumbled into her hand and Krista took it off.

Ymir grinned sheepishly. “Fall wedding then?”

Krista simply shook her head and grabbed for a pillow. “I’m going to smother you,” she warned.

Ymir laughed and let Krista smack her with the pillow, her body shaking with glee. Krista was secretly relieved to see Ymir out of her weird reverie.

                                                                        *          *          *

“So Levi knows we’re doing it now, today? What if he’s busy with the store? He’s probably too busy, we shouldn’t go in.”

Ymir shot her a look from the driver’s side of her car. They were in the parking lot of Ackerman’s after the store closed. The only light coming from the street lights in the parking lot. She’d left the engine running because it was beginning to get cold outside. “All he’s got to do is piss and look at a huge pile of paper work,” she joked, then placed a reassuring hand on top of hers. “I told him when you were coming.”

“Ah.” Krista’s heart was beating fast. This was a poor idea. Her palms were beginning to sweat. She didn’t want to hear that voice anymore, and she didn’t want this to hurt her safety. If he found her, she couldn’t cope. But she had to know.

“You can tell him to piss off at any point in time. As a matter of fact, I think you should at least twice. C’mon. It’s just Levi.”

Krista swallowed. This was a side of Levi that she’d never known, never wanted to know for that matter. But Ymir was right, she would ask her questions and then decide if they were going to do it tonight. She steeled herself and opened the car door. But as soon as she stepped out into the cool night air, she stopped and poked her head in the door. “Will you at least walk me inside?”

Ymir turned off the car and was immediately by her side.

The store was dark, except for the few back lights, and Levi’s office. At least it was warm inside. But since they’d gone in the side door, she simply had to look over at the registers she’d worked at before this whole thing blew over then she turned to look at Levi’s door.

Ymir nodded for her to knock and she poised her fist.

“Are you coming in?” His voice droned from the back room.

Krista opened the door to see the small man sitting at his rather large, paper-filled desk as per usual, with a cup of tea in front of him. Of course everything about the desk was meticulously placed. If there was one thing she’d learned about Levi it was that cleanliness is godliness. Everything was well dusted and organized, clean, precise.

She timidly stepped in the door, as Ymir lurked in the doorway. Krista turned around to find Ymir looking sheepish. “Could you wait out in the car?”

Ymir nodded and headed out into the dark store. Krista swallowed and shut the door behind her. Somehow feeling less nervous with just her and Levi. She turned around and sized up this man, slowly moving to sit down.

Levi glanced up at her from over the paper he was currently examining. His face as blank and unreadable as ever. He held up a finger and continued to finish his work. Krista glanced around at his shelves full of small plants, and occasional Japanese pottery. Curiously, he had a shelf filled with classic literature and poetry from around the globe. All that was missing was a cat, Krista thought to herself. Levi was more of an old grandma than a savvy thug.

Levi stirred suddenly, leaning back in his chair to examine Krista. She met his gaze with intensity. This short, bad-tempered, neat old-man had better prove her wrong.

“Let’s get to the point,” Levi began. “I’m a busy man. Ymir has brought it to my attention that you are possibly under threat, and you would like to know what exactly the bitch wants, but without anyone knowing your exact location.”

Krista nodded.

“However, since the call was directed to you based on information from your guardian Hanji, it is highly possible that your location has already been leaked, or is easily accessible from public records should the right people go looking.”

Krista swallowed hard. Her mouth felt very dry. She hadn’t thought of that. Of course he could find her if he was looking, that is, if her mom told him she’d lost custody and he checked with public records.

“I-I suppose so,” she mused. She’d always thought living with Hanji was safe because she’d gotten away from her mother. But of course Hanji hadn’t changed her name, and that was all public. “But it was my mom who called. She-she—” Who was she kidding? Her mom almost never acted of her own accord. And why would she make contact now.

“Perhaps then I should leave,” she said aloud, weakly. She stood up. Change her name again, run away, stop leaving traces. “Disappear,” she whispered. Her heart was beating fast and she was already thinking about all the things she’d need to grab. Clothes, money, food, the jewelry box.

“Is there a reason why you’re being pursued so suddenly?”

Krista stopped. There had been no signs, just this phone call. It had been quiet for 6 years. She’d just assumed he’d forgotten about her or hadn’t been able to find her, but it wasn’t as if he couldn’t. She’d never underestimated him in that way.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. She’d always been afraid of the day he’d find her, she just expected it.

“Then why leave?”

Krista was silent. She didn’t even know what the threat was yet. She just felt dirty, felt watched all of a sudden. “If he knows where I am, then he can take me.”

“And who is ‘he’ exactly?”

“A bad man,” Krista shuddered.

“And you assume he’s looking for you because of a call from your mother?” Levi looked unamused from his position at the desk. Krista sat down now, feeling a calmer.

“You’re right. He might not know.” Her legs starting tapping as she mused, “But my mother isn’t…” she thought of how to word it politely, but then gave up, “Well, she doesn’t give a shit about anything, but drugs, so yeah, I am more than a little certain he’s in the picture.” Finally her heart was racing so fast, she had to stand again. “I should just leave, I think.”

“So, you’d run the risk of losing everything you have now and leaving a very suspicious trail after your disappearance possibly tipping off pursuers, just for the chance to be hidden?”

He was right. They would know she was leaving unless she was careful. And then she’d have to lose school, Hanji, _Ymir_. For good.

“Then if you stay, there’s every chance you could keep this life and stay unsuspicious, then again, you could be out in the open and vulnerable to ‘him.’”

Krista’s breath caught in her throat. That was what she had hoped for, but the vulnerability. She’d always felt it, always feared it. She’d never been able to escape it.

“But I can’t say for sure what will happen, after all I don’t know what you’re being threatened by.” The blasé way Levi spoke was beginning to piss Krista off. It was almost as if he didn’t really care about her, not that he should. But she felt he should be taking this more seriously.

Krista shot a glare his direction. “I thought you were supposed to help me.”

“I can’t make your decisions for you, that’s idiotic.” Levi sighed as if she was a child. “You’re afraid he’ll take you, but for what purpose? What do you have to hide?”

 “He doesn’t know I have it,” Krista answered coldly. “And if he did—then he would have found me. But if he’s found out, then I need to leave.” She turned towards the door. Obviously this wasn’t working.

“Please sit,” Levi gestured to the chair. Krista’s legs felt weak. She had never said her fears out loud before. Her stomach was turning.

“You can’t tell Ymir. You can’t tell anyone what I said,” Krista threatened. She was fidgety. Perhaps she should leave right now, her body was screaming at her to move.

“You haven’t said much of anything, Krista,” Levi deadpanned. “Is there more I should know?”

“Yes,” Krista sighed. She thought her stomach was going to explode. “But how can I trust you?” She never told Hanji, then again what could Hanji do? She didn’t even know if she could trust herself to do anything about what had happened to her. Her chest felt tight and it was getting hard to breathe.

Levi walked over to her and crouched down to eye level. For the first time since she’d started working here, she saw his eyebrows lift. He looked concerned. But she couldn’t focus on that too long. Her breath was sputtering, and she clutched at her chest. “What’s happening?” she asked shakily. Every erratic beat of her heart hurt her chest and she was beginning to lose feeling in her fingers. “Am I having a heart attack?” she cried.

“You’re having a panic attack,” Levi said calmly. “Krista I need you to take deep breaths and try to let them out slowly.” He began to mirror breaths with her, as she tried to follow. Slowly but surely beginning to calm down. But as she did, she felt tears prickling in the corners of her eyes.

“Levi I don’t know what to do,” she squeaked out. “If I can’t hide, then I can’t live. But I won’t—I don’t want to stop. Not—not anymore. Never again. I just—I don’t think you can help me.”

“Krista. I have helped many kids in trouble. I don’t know what your situation is, but I can help you flesh out your options. But you have to take a chance and trust me. It’s up to you.”

Krista wiped her eyes and steeled herself. She glanced around the room. “Can you check to see if anyone is listening?”

Levi nodded and went to the door of his office. No one was outside the door. He came back in and locked the door. Then he propped himself up on his desk, to listen to Krista.

“You can’t tell anyone this. Not even Hanji knows, although she suspects something. I don’t—” she paused to take a breath. “I don’t like talking about it.”

Levi was silent.

Krista took in a big break hoping to get it all out quickly. “My mom’s an addict, got involved with the wrong people, I should say _person_ and had me. Big mistake all around, I’d say. Anyway, when my mom failed at raising me, my rich uncle took me to ‘preserve the bloodline.’” She felt shivers go down her spine. “And while they weren’t high all the time, they had their high-class status to degrade me and abuse me,” she spat. She had many more words to say to that effect, but she thought this would have to do. “He’s powerful, virtually untouchable, got a big reputation and a secret drug trade, and the real kicker is that he’s—” Krista caught herself. “He’s a bigger creep than he lets on,” she seethed. “I just need to keep away from that psycho,” Krista nearly shouted. She was panting as her rage seethed through her.

“Why would he be looking for you?”

“It could be one or two things,” Krista shivered, pulling her legs towards her on the chair to sit in a ball. “Either he knows about the information I took as blackmail or he—he just wants me back.” Krista felt hallow. Like the calm before the storm. This was it. All her cards on the table and to some strange little man who looked like he hadn’t slept in years. She sighed. At least Ymir didn’t know anything. She didn’t want to imagine the look on Ymir’s face if she knew. Or Hanji for that matter. Hanji. That ever cheerful, mess of a woman that was the most incredible part of her life. She began to cry once more. “I’m not going back, Levi. I can’t.”

“Then you have to fight or he’s beaten you.”

Krista clenched her teeth. “He will never beat me.” The tears were still running down her face, but her anger was stronger.

Levi nodded. “Well, then, let’s call up your mother shall we?” He picked up the phone on his desk, Krista noted it was an old fashioned phone with a chord. Panic was in her veins.

“You know her number?” She hadn’t expected this so quickly.

“Ymir told me.” Krista frowned. She was going to kill Ymir.

“But I-I’m not ready,” she protested.

“It’s ringing,” Levi deadpanned, putting the phone on speaker, so Krista could hear. “You don’t have to speak. What’s your mother’s name?”

“Alma.”

The phone clicked, and a very groggy voice responded, “Hello.”

“Is this Alma?” Levi asked sharply.

“Who’s asking?” Her mother’s voice rang, the words sluggish, but defensive.

“It’s of no concern to you. I have called on request from your daughter.”

“Historia? What of her?”

Levi shot Krista a questioning look. She simply chewed her lip.

“You are going to tell me why you contacted her, and then never again attempt contact.”

“Who the fuck are you to tell me what I can and can’t do?” she spat, her words slurring together. Krista knew from experience that this meant she was hopped up on something, she clenched her fist.

“Alma, I would appreciate it if you stopped fucking around and answered the damn question.”

“Is Historia there?” she asked quietly, almost whistful.

“It is not important. The message will be relayed.”

“I wanted to talk to my fucking daughter, you prick, who the fuck do you think you are?”

“You know, your back door to your apartment at 107C Gregson Lane sticks a little when you open it, you might want to get that looked at. And the state of your home, _tch_ , I wouldn’t leave your laundry on the stove if I were you, could start a fire, Alma Zoe.”

“Did you have me followed,” she laughed. “Who the fuck are you?”

“I am someone you don’t want to piss off, and I sincerely hope I never have to walk through your threshold ever again. Now tell me, why you contacted Historia,” Levi shouted impatiently.

 “Alright, alright, I’ll tell you. You didn’t have to be so rude about it,” she giggled. Then she paused for a while sighing. “It’s Rodd. He’s gotten into some trouble at work.”

“What kind of trouble?”

“The kind that comes home with you,” she laughed, but then became serious. “There’s been a lot of fighting. Threats made to the thing he values most, you know.” Alma went silent. “That’s why I need her.”

“What does this have to do with your daughter?”

“He’s going to want his family, and he-he’s angry at me,” she began sobbing uncontrollably. “I never should have lost her.”

 “Does he know where she is?”

“I don’t know, he gave me Hanji’s number. He asked me to call, but everything’s going to be different now, he promised.” She paused for a minute then pleaded, “Could you talk to her? I just need her to know. He just wanted her to stay safe, but he didn’t want to scare her away, he just wants her safe. I promise. I was just supposed to remind her that he still loves her. That’s all. He made me call,” she sobbed. “I didn’t want to, but he made me, and she’s safe, he said she’s probably safe, but he wanted her to know that she’s his and he’ll take care of her if she calls and—”

Krista slammed her fist down on the table next to her. Without knowing it all her muscles had clenched altogether much too tightly. Her jaw was beginning to ache from how tight she’d clamped it, but this was the last straw.

“I am nobody’s,” she roared, quickly running to the phone. “You have done nothing but betray me all my life, and I am done with you. Never contact me again.” She picked up and slammed the receiver down effectively ending all communication.

She continued on her rage pacing through the small office chaotically. Shivers running through her spine. Finally, she stood stock still facing the back of the room, the stillness of her body feeling forced, like she was trapped in her own body.

“What do I do now?” she asked, the sounding feeling hallow to her own ears.

“You have two options: run or fight.”

Krista had spent most of her life running, and she still wasn’t safe. She’d run from herself, her past, she’d tried every escape. And now she was faced with the choice of running once again, just when she finally felt some glimmer of hope.

Her voice felt weak as she asked, “How can I fight against someone like him?”

“Do you want to?”

Krista looked back at Levi, who stood leaning against his desk. She nodded.

“I want nothing more.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good god, friends. This update took me much longer than I wanted it to, but I hope it is worth the wait. I had a lot of stuff to figure out with the plot. This chapter is long and full of drama, but things are getting fun now. Hope you enjoy it.


	9. Used

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where do we go from here? Neither Ymir nor Krista seem to really know, but they have some ideas. And, really, no one is ever happy with a compromise.

“I’m so sorry Krista.”

“What?”

“I am so very sorry Krista. I am the worst friend. Sorry, Krista, I—”

“What are you talking about?”

“Ugh.” Ymir groaned as she turned the corner into the Ackerman parking lot for the second time that evening.

“She’s never going to forgive me, Hanji. Hell, I wouldn’t forgive me. _Dios_ mío, I’m becoming her. I’m messing around in her business when I’ve got no right to. If you hadn’t been so helpless I swear to fucking god I—”

“Thanks again for this, Ymir,” Hanji smiled. She had that expression on her face as if she’d never been shown kindness in her life. Eternal gratitude. Ymir simply groaned.

“You’re a piece of work you know that? You need to grovel and probably cry.” Ymir left the engine on as she pulled into the parking lot.

“I can work up some tears if you want, but you just gave me a car ride,” the older woman whined, puffing out her lips.

“I mean to Krista, you idiot,” Ymir chastised. “But she-she needs you.” Ymir had seen the way Krista’s face looked so solemn when anyone mentioned Hanji—it still didn’t make this any easier, but she thought maybe it was worth a shot. Krista may have said she was angry with Hanji, but Ymir knew better, she was going to get over it. Fuck, she was doing just what Krista had tried to do to her. “I’ll make it up to you, princess. This will never happen again.” Ymir had closed her eyes and was practically praying. “It was a crazy idea and I’m an idiot.”

“You think she’s going to be that mad?” Hanji asked in a small voice.

Ymir shot her a glare, then sighed, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. “I don’t know,” she huffed. She could feel the jitters crawling up her legs again. “She likes to surprise me when I least expect it.” Ymir smirked a little at that. Krista’s reactions were anything but expected, and she liked that it always kept her on her toes. Still, putting two big surprises on her was bound to land her in the dog-house. She frowned slightly, banging her head against the steering wheel. “Do you have a cigarette?” she whined.

“I don’t smoke, sorry,” Hanji apologized, “I know what it does to the lungs.” Hanji got that creepy smile on her face that seemed to leave her eyes fiery and distant like some mad scientist, so Ymir put her hand on the older woman’s face before she had the chance to start her rant.

“Can it, lady. I know the facts. That’s why I quit, but god the _craving,_ ” she whined, hitting her head on the steering wheel. Hanji pushed her hand off of her mouth.

“It’s hard to give up something once you’ve started,” Hanji uttered, wistfully staring out of the car window.

Ymir thought for the first time how young Hanji was. Maybe only in her early thirties. Pretty young for someone to have a college-aged child. She wondered how young she was when she’d taken Krista in. She would have at least have had to been in her twenties. It must have been very hard for her. And now with Krista gone, what else did she have to hold on to?

“Ugh, I should never have gotten into the middle of this fight,” Ymir sighed, unclipping her seat belt to lean back. The whole thing was a mess, and she was just stirring the pot. She couldn’t help but feel for both of them which left her unsure whether she was truly making the right decision or not. She really didn’t want Krista to hate her, but they both really needed one another, they didn’t need Ymir at all.

“Then why are you?” Hanji asked, pointedly.

Ymir stared blankly at Hanji for a moment, then turned off the car grabbing her keys as she ducked out of the car. Hey, it wasn’t as if she could tell Hanji that she cared about her. Plus Ymir had a sudden realization—this wasn’t her moment at all—it was theirs.

“Where are you going?” Hanji called, stepping out of the passenger seat.

“To buy some cigarettes.” Ymir fiddled with her car keys and removed them from the ring. She tossed them at Hanji. “Tell Krista to come visit me at work tomorrow.”

Then Ymir walked away from the older woman leaving her waiting outside her car. When she stole into the dark and quiet store, she made sure her footsteps were quiet as she padded to the front of the store where the tobacco cabinets were. She searched frantically for her favorite brand, Marlboro, but putting her key into the case. She felt conflicted. Should she really start this back up again? She hadn’t smoked for years now, but when she thought of all she’d been through in the past few weeks with Krista so quiet and hurt and scared, but so in need of Ymir. Krista had been so close physically, but she’d never been so emotionally distant, and then Ymir was going to go meddling again. Ymir turned the key and grabbed a pack, promising to put money in the register later.

She sat herself down under the counter, ripped open the plastic wrapping, flipped open the top, and slid out a cigarette, just holding it between her fingers. She knew Krista was in the back hopefully getting some help escaping whatever it was she was so afraid of. Whatever left her crying and shaking in her sleep. Ymir couldn’t lie that this hadn’t affected her. She'd been through shit in her life, but most of it she’d been able to handle with enough force. She could kick her bully’s asses, she forced herself out of the drug business, and her dad—well it was his own damn fault.

_Damn._ Ymir searched her pockets for her lighter, but then she remembered that she’d left it in the car. _Fuck this_ , she thought. _Fuck this whole thing._

She rested her head against the counter. When she was with Krista everything seemed so clear, and yet so foggy at the same time. Krista was so unbelievable. So beautiful and smart, and then so damaged and mysterious, but that wasn’t why she liked her. She was just so drawn to her that she couldn’t really even describe it anymore. It’s like their fates were tied together.

But, there was so much she didn’t share, some big trouble that Ymir was beginning to piece out. Ymir needed to understand. She’d help save Krista just like Krista had tried to save her. Ymir never really had anyone to live for except herself. But Krista saved her every day that they were together. She threw her head back against the counter. _Why’d I have to go all soft now?_

But there was no helping it. She’d find someone to beat up if that’s what it took to see Krista smile again. She sighed and put the cigarette back in the pack, shoving it in her sweatshirt pocket. That was _if_ Krista could forgive her for tonight. As she stood up to leave the store and give Connie a call to take her to his place, she heard Levi’s office door open up. She heard low voices, but it was hard to hear over the hum of the refrigerator section. Plus, Levi’s office was in the back of the store. Ymir slunk back down the wall, staying very still in a crouched position, straining to hear.

As they came closer she was able to figure out some of what they were saying.

“But how do I know who’s working for him and who’s not?” came Krista’s soft voice, sounding rushed.

“Could be anyone, could be no one. If he’s in trouble, maybe he doesn’t have the time for it, you have to consider that. For the time being, don’t trust anyone except those closest to you. We’ll figure out something.” They seemed to have stopped, standing near the employee entrance. Ymir could hear the slight echo from the hallway.

“Thanks Levi. I-I’m glad to finally be doing something right. I just—I just hope to god Plan A works because I don’t want to think about—”

“Then don’t worry about it until the choice has to be made,” Levi interrupted.

“Easy for you to say.”

With that Ymir heard the door open, and the conversation stopped. _Fuck_. As curious as she was as to who was supposedly following Krista, her nerves took over. Krista was going to get a bit of a surprise. This was the moment Krista was going to kill her for. The moment of truth. And now Ymir couldn’t leave the store without revealing herself, but she couldn’t just sit around. Plus, she was dying to know how badly she was going to have to apologize later. What was she supposed to do?

Well, first, she’d better secure a way out. She pulled out her phone and dialed Baldie.

“Yo!” Ymir could heard the sounds of Connie’s video game in the background. You could always count on him to be up late.

“Connie I’m walking to your place tonight.”

“You get stuck at work late?” he asked distractedly.

“More or less,” Ymir fibbed.

“What about your girlfriend,” Connie teased. “Thought you basically lived there now.”

“She’s going to kill me,” Ymir swallowed. If only she could know how it was going.

“The fuck did you do, man?” Ymir sighed, imagining the horrible scene probably taking place outside the door.

“Oh shit, I can hide behind the dumpsters,” as the realization hit her, she booked it for the shipment door in the rear.

“What trouble are you in now? Is this kinky, cause I’m not about that life, Ymir. Much as I love you. I’m out.”

Ymir snickered as she neared the door. “Gotta be stealthy now, I’ll explain later. Put a pizza in the oven.” The hung up the phone as Connie consented. Hey, it wasn’t like it was unusual for Ymir to stop in uninvited. She pushed open the heavy door as quietly as she could, crouching down to be less noticeable. Luckily the shipment door was situated right behind the store’s dumpsters, or she’d be obviously visible to the party on the side of the building.

Once the door was discreetly shut, she snuck along the brick enclosure to peer around the corner at where her car was parked. In the headlights of her car, she could see Hanji and Krista embracing, nearly brought to their knees. Ymir’s heart felt a thousand times lighter. She retreated her head quickly to the dark side of the parking lot. She thanked her lucky stars that she wasn’t a total fuck up. Maybe Krista would actually be glad she did this.

Ymir then risked another glance, and snickered at Levi standing awkwardly next to the love fest, with his arms crossed. He was never much of an emotional guy. Ymir doubted he’d ever been hugged. Just as she’d thought it, Hanji reached up and grabbed Levi by the arm, effectively dragging him in to the circle. Hanji simply buried her face in his shoulder while Krista backed off in a moment of confusion, then awkwardly threw her arm around Levi. The older man, naturally, looked shocked. Ymir fought back roaring laughter as the man patted Hanji’s back twice, trying and failing to retreat. Hanji would be a good influence on him.

_Well_. Ymir straightened herself up, and wiped her hands on her pants. Her work was done. She pulled up her hood to prepare for the cold. As she got farther away from the store, she contemplated having a celebratory cigarette, but as her hand poised herself to open the pack in her pocket, she thought of her mantra. _They’re bad for me they’re bad for me, they’re bad for me. I want one so fucking bad. They’re bad for me. Wrinkly face and bad teeth and lung cancer._

Then she tore her hands out of her pocket and decided to run the rest of the way to Connie’s. It was too fucking cold to be outside anyway.

*          *          *

The next day, it hadn’t been Krista who’d brought her car, but Hanji. She’d said that Krista decided to head back to classes that day, but that she wanted to speak with Ymir later. Ymir’s heart sank at that, but at least Hanji was spirited. She’d left Ymir a little blown away at the counter before she’d carried the storm to Levi’s back office, where he’d always met with the parents of his “troubled kids.”

You’d think by now, Levi would have seen all types with how many parents and kids had come through is store since Ymir had been here and even before then. But Levi seemed almost at a loss with Hanji. After an extensive talk, he took her to the front to walk her out. She was speaking animatedly, and putting her arm around his shoulder, she ruffled his hair, telling him how excited and grateful she was.

Levi grabbed her jaw, pulling her down to eye level. “Boundaries, shitty glasses,” he’d chastised.

“Oh, right,” she’d pouted. “But you should think about my offer. Krista and I would love to have you for dinner, I am always making new things that I think you’d like.”

“Don’t listen to her,” Ymir called. “She burns everything.”

“I do not,” she called. “Ah, but Ymir, you should come too!”

“I wouldn’t miss that disaster,” Ymir mumbled under her breath. She could only imagine clean freak Levi dealing with her wanton ways.

“I will consider it, Ms. Zoe, now if you could stop loitering,” he complained.

“Call me Hanji!” She smiled. “I will call you for a time then, when we get more settled,” Hanji called cheerfully, as she headed out of the automatic doors.

Levi rolled his eyes as he swept back to his office.

“Levi,” she called.

Levi hadn’t tuned around but simply waved his hand. A gesture she knew meant “not now” or “fuck off,” Ymir supposed both. So she waited anxiously until the end of her shift.

*          *          *

Ymir shut the door to the office behind her and moved to sit in the very same seat she imagined Krista had been in. Levi was grouchier than usual, she mused, eyeing up the out of character messiness of his office. It was still cleaner than her house, but a few odd papers here and there meant hell for Levi.

“Any chance you’d leak what happened between you and Krista last night?” she posed.

Levi gave her a look over top of his papers.

Ymir pouted and leaned back in her chair. “I thought not. Well, can we at least talk about who the man in the picture is?” Ymir once again pulled out the old picture of a toddler Krista, and the mysterious hand on her shoulder. She slid it towards Levi.

“How are your studies, Ymir?” his gaze pierced in her direction and she got the hint.

She rolled her eyes. “You’re avoiding the question Levi.”

“As are you.”

“You think I’m avoiding my responsibilities for this, but you’re wrong. It’s not like I’m skipping work or anything.” She decidedly left out the fact that her class had ended weeks ago, and she still hadn’t set up a date to take her GED exam. She wasn’t _not_ studying, she was just _done_ studying. Levi hadn’t said anything up until that point, and she wasn’t about to bring it up.

“I think you’re still young and easily distracted,” he countered. Ymir glared. Levi had always been this rude. “And you’re in over your head once again.”

“That’s not your decision to make,” Ymir seethed, using Levi’s own words.

“But it is my advice. I think you should take it.”

“What exactly is your advice? Let Krista go? Cause that’s not happening, old man.”

“Let _this_ go, Ymir,” Levi insisted, pushing the photo back to her.

“If it were necessary for you to understand, don’t you think Krista would tell you?”

“No, ‘cause Krista thinks she’s a tragic savior, she’s gonna kill herself doing whatever she thinks everyone expects of her. Keeping secrets and being some big hero so she can been seen as worthwhile, and if you think I’m going to sit by and watch her do that, you’re wrong.”

Levi raised an eyebrow at her.

“Krista’s _in_ trouble and you think she _is_ trouble.”

“Yes.” So much trouble.

“You’ve always been a pain in my ass Ymir,” Levi sighed, putting his papers down on the desk to hold the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“Thanks, boss,” Ymir grinned.

Levi stood up and stood to face the back of his office, his arms clasped behind his back. “I’ll tell you what I want from you, Ymir. Don’t go digging into this. Krista doesn’t need you drawing attention to her.”

“You already said that, boss,” she yawned. Not liking any of this circling around the issue.

“I don’t often give advice, Ymir. So, just this once, take it,” Levi snipped.

Ymir took the picture from off this table. “I’m not an idiot, boss. I know what this means,” she pointed to the hand on Krista’s shoulder. “That ring. We both know who has that ring.” Silence from Levi. “I remember it vividly crashing into my face. Now why is Nile Dawke hanging out with a toddler Krista? Who the hell is she really?”

“It’s not my place to tell you, nor is it necessary. If you’d stop being so fucking dense and _think_ for once, then you’d see why you should leave it alone. You still owe thousands of dollars to pay for your escape from your fuck up, now you want to go snooping around in their business? You think Krista is being reckless, but you should look in a mirror.”

Ymir clucked her tongue as his words settled in. It _was_ idiotic, but Ymir would never tell Levi that. Plus, she could be careful. And anyways, if she was completely honest with herself, she was never certain she’d be able to outrun her past anyways. Now that Krista was involved, she thought saving her could be her ultimate redemption. She sighed deeply. Redemption. She’d tried that before. It was stupid, but hey, Ymir never had been that smart to begin with.

“I can take care of myself, Levi,” she warned, standing up to stretch. Levi wasn’t going to cave, so she’d just have to do this herself. She started for the door when Levi spoke.

“Ymir. This is a difficult task I’ve taken on. Whatever you do, just keep in mind that Krista’s in hiding, and she needs to stay that way.” 

Ymir nodded. She’d protect Krista.

“Oh and Ymir,” he added quietly. “I need you to pick up a few things for the store.”

“Of course, boss,” Ymir seethed. Upset at how quickly Levi switched to business as usual.

Levi slid a piece of paper her way. A small note with the address 107C Gregson Lane written on the top. She raised an eye brow.

“What’s this?”

“I won’t have you be unsupervised. I just need one thing, and don’t be seen,” Levi sounded even pissier than usual, but Ymir smiled. Of course Levi knew she wasn’t going to give up.

*          *          *

Ymir was in a bit of a pissy mood by the time she had to go to Krista’s. The last couple of weeks of very little sleep and worrying about Krista had taken their toll. She saw the dark circles under her eyes and she felt tired all the way through to her bones. It was hard for her to see Krista so distant and unwilling to be pulled back into reality. She’d been so happy when Krista had pulled out of her funk, but now she was nervous. She’d messed around in Krista’s affairs with Hanji, and now she was going to do more. _Of course_ Krista was going to be mad when she told her. But at least Krista would be able to tell her that she was hiding from something, and maybe she’d need Ymir’s help.

Ymir was also still thinking about her personal shit. Ymir’d sat down and talked to her mom about why she’d been so absent lately. Her mom had been disappointed, but understanding. Ymir wanted to tell her that she’d stay home more often, but she wasn’t sure she could. Plus, she wasn’t sure how dangerous things could get in the future. Her mom had just kissed her on the forehead and gave her that concerned look as if she knew Ymir was about to get into trouble.

Ymir shook her head, trying to make the thoughts go away. She was parking on the street by Krista’s dorm room again, so she tried not to think of home. Instead she felt the worry that Krista was going to be mad at her again. Oh well, Krista would only be the third person to yell at her that day, so she could handle it.

Ymir took out her phone to call Mikasa to let her in the building.

“Hello?”

“Hey Miks, can someone let me in?”

“I’ll send Sasha,” Ymir faintly heard Mikasa ordering Sasha out of their room as she stepped out of her car.

“So, tell me the truth,” Ymir sighed. “Is Krista mad at me?”

“What did you do this time, Ymir?” Mikasa sighed.

“Nothing,” she insisted. Mikasa was silent. “Well, okay, I may have talked to Hanji.”

“That’s all?”

“And I made them talk.”

Mikasa hummed. “It might have been for the best. She hasn’t said she was angry, but why would she?”

“You’re no help,” Ymir pouted.

“Krista’s your conquest, Ymir.”

“Yeah, I get it. How’s Eren?”

Mikasa sighed deeply. “He was at a party and got into another fight.” Ymir could sense the unspoken fact that Mikasa had intervened again. “I don’t care for the girl he’s been hanging out with.” Mikasa sighed deeply. “He’s alright, but he will be studying tonight, if he knows what’s good for him.”

Ymir laughed. “Keep him in line, Miks.”

“I will.”

“Ah, Sasha’s here,” Ymir called, seeing the bounding ponytail burst through the door. She ended her call with Mikasa.

“Yo, potato girl!” she greeted. Sasha bounced over to her and nearly took her out with a hug.

“What are you so happy about?” Ymir twisted uncomfortably in the hug.

“I’m just happy,” she smiled coyly, taking Ymir by the arm to drag her upstairs. They waved at Berthold who was sitting at the desk. He waved a nervous hello at Ymir before looking back down at his homework.

“How’s Connie?” Sasha asked in the elevator.

Ymir gave Sasha a side glance as she spoke, “I should be asking you that.” Connie told her that they’d been texting every day since they’d met only a week ago.

Sasha smiled. “We’re going out for coffee later, then he said we could play Skyrim, and I didn’t really want to do my homework anyway, so fantasyland it is!” She cheered.

Ymir smiled knowingly as Sasha continued to ramble about her video game. Connie had talked to Ymir in great length about Sasha. How much they’d hit it off, and how perfect she’d thought she was even though they’d only just met. She’d told him to just ask the damn girl out already. Obviously he’d taken her advice.

“Break his heart, Sasha,” Ymir teased, squeezing the girl’s cheeks as they exited the elevator.

“I mean I could kill him with my magic and then rob him, but I’m not sure what that would do for my quest.”

Ymir sighed. “You two were meant for each other.”

“Connie’s pretty cool, I guess,” Sasha laughed, finally catching on. “Plus he bought me waffles,” she cheered, laughing manically.

“Calm down,” Ymir chastised, rubbing the top of Sasha’s head. “That’s just cause I wasn’t there,” she winked. Ymir could probably eat more than Sasha any day, she was just a twig.

“You’re gonna eat those words,” Sasha threatened as they approached the door, Sasha trapped in a headlock, fumbling for her keys.

“Then there wouldn’t be any room for—” Ymir taunted as the door to the apartment was ripped open. “…Krista.” Ymir stiffened looking down at the blonde. Her big blue eyes were wide and she took a breath in as if to speak, but her face turned to disapproval. Ymir looked down at Sasha’s head under her arm. Sasha shrugged, also seeming lost. Ymir let the girl go and straightened out. She coughed as she started, “Hey…I—”

“Come in,” Krista waved, turning her back.

Ymir hurried in after, not waiting to see if Sasha followed.

“So, Blondie,” Ymir started. She almost grabbed for Krista’s hand, but still fearing the worst, she resisted. “Listen, I…” Ymir had thought of a million things to say before she’d come over, yet somehow, they all fell flat in her presence. So, she simple followed the girl until she’d walked into her room. Ymir stopped at the doorway as Krista moved to sit on her bed, swinging her legs and looking down. _Shit. Krista is mad._ Ymir sighed and learned her head against the doorframe. “How mad are you?”

Krista glanced up and her and screwed her mouth as if thinking. “I’m not mad,” she sighed, putting on her sweet smile with her eyes closed.

Ymir sighed. It was one of Krista’s masks. The smile she hid behind. _So that’s how it’s going to be._ Then she rested her elbow against the door frame to prop up her head. As much as she was nervous that Krista would be mad at her, somehow this response was worse. “Are you sure, sweetheart?” she mused.

Krista rolled her eyes, then cast them to the ground, the smile miles away. “I’m not mad to the point where it matters.”

Ymir clicked her tongue. So that’s what it was.

“You can come in, you know?” Krista said, moving to sit cross-legged on her bed. “And shut the door.”

Ymir entered the room, pulling the desk chair towards the bed and throwing her leg over it to sit backwards.

“So, what happens now, princess?” she asked, unsure how to proceed. Krista just kept shutting down and hiding, and it was getting harder for her to wade through her moods. She knew Krista was in a fragile state, but she just needed to know how fragile.

Krista let out a big sigh and leaned back on her hands, her long blonde hair falling back behind her shoulders, and her body arching slightly. Ymir shuddered involuntarily, looking away, to try and focus. “I’m still going to school,” Krista said unenthusiastically.

“I think I got that,” Ymir sassed, resting her head on her hands. “What else?”

“Hanji and I made up.” Krista looked overtired.

“And?”

“I’m getting a new phone this week, so we can finally text.”

“All good things, princess, but you’re leaving something out, as usual.”

Krista looked up, aghast. “I—I”

“How are things really?”

“I’m…working on it,” she admitted lamely.

“Okay.” At least is was a start. “Working on what?”

“Can we not talk about it?” she sighed. “I just want things to go back to the way they were.”

Ymir frowned. “The way they were,” Ymir mused. Wondering bitterly if Krista meant she wanted to go back to being utterly afraid of the world around her, but too scared to say anything. “And how do you want that to be?” Ymir asked darkly.

“I just need to be Krista, going to school, and doing normal things,” Krista insisted. “I don’t know,” she whispered, looking lost. “I think—I think it’s better if we just pretend that this didn’t happen.”

“You just want all of us to ignore the past week?” Ymir couldn’t believe it. Of course Krista was going to keep on pretending. “You want _me_ to forget about it?” As if she could. It was one thing to ask Ymir to stop asking her if she liked her, or to ask her not to

“I—I” Krista faltered. “Yes,” she admitted. “It would be better to just forget about it. B-but just for now, until Levi and I get some stuff done. I’ll tell everyone that we had a family emergency, and yeah. We can just go on like normal right?” Krista asked, sounding so desperate. Krista licked her lips nervously. “We can hang out with friends and study together, and this past week will seem like nothing at all. If you could just…just forget,” Krista was almost begging.

“Forget?” This was a new level of avoidance for Krista. Ymir had tried being gentle and kind with Krista. She’d tried to let Krista deal with her issues in her own time, but now when Krista had supposedly worked on a solution, now she wants to just go back to _normal_. “I can’t do that, Krista,” she stressed.

“Ymir, I need you to help me with this, please,” she begged.

“Why?” This was so nonsensical.

“B-because…I can’t tell you why,” Krista added lamely.

“Then how can you ask me to ignore what happened? You get a phone call, you shut down and scream at me then don’t really talk to anyone for weeks, always avoiding my questions, and don’t think I haven’t noticed the nightmares.” Krista frowned, chewing her bottom lip nervously. “I _know_ what kind of cases Levi accepts.” Ymir stared down at Krista, and she faltered under her gaze, turning away coldly. How could Krista just pretend that Ymir didn’t know anything about her past. “Everyone else, I get, but me?” Ymir turned around in her chair. Then she reached out for Krista’s hand—the other girl pulled back, not looking Ymir in the eyes. Maybe Ymir had underestimated how much Krista cared for her—wouldn’t be the first time. Ymir almost wanted to tell Krista that Levi was sending her out to help Krista, that Ymir was already involved. Was she trying to protect Ymir? “Do you think I’m blind?”

“No!” Krista shouted. “I don’t want—” Krista looked like a fly caught in a trap. Ymir knew she was barely concealing the rage in her eyes, but she couldn’t help it. Krista was just being completely reckless now. “I-I…I’m just asking you to leave my personal life alone, which you seem to have a hard time doing,” she snapped.

Ymir started. That was true, but Ymir was right too. “Of course I do. Our pasts make us who we are Krista. You can accept it and move forward or you can run from this shit forever,” she shouted. Ymir sighed, and pleased, “You don’t have to tell me the details of your past, but you can’t just pretend it didn’t happen. You have to do something,” she added quietly thinking back to that look of hope in her eyes. The Krista now just looked at her with cold eyes. “God, Krista, are you really asking me to do this?”

“It’s for your own good, Ymir! Can’t you just drop it?” Krista’s eyes were watering, but she still looked pissed. “I told you, I’m working on it. Isn’t that enough?”

“No.” Ymir couldn’t just pretend that Krista was some college going rich kid anymore. She couldn’t pretend like she was happy when she knew there was more. She was worried Krista was going to just keep hiding, putting this aside and not doing anything.

Krista let out a sigh of frustration. “Please, Ymir.”

“Things are going to have to change, Krista. You can just pretend everything’s okay—put on that happy smile and then everything will be fine.” Krista was going to be the death of her. Ymir couldn’t just let Krista fall back into this pattern of hiding until shit hit the fan.

“I—” Krista looked dumbfounded. Ymir held her ground, staring down those blue eyes until she blinked and turned her head. “I _am_ working on it, Ymir, I just need more time.”

Ymir huffed, Krista was always calling out for more time. “You keep saying that and doing nothing. You keep shutting me out and then look what happens. Is it always going to be one crisis after another? Are you ever going to be real with me?”

Krista looked as if she’d been stabbed. She paused before slowly answering, “Yes.” She sounded so unsure. Ymir knew it was a no. She sighed.

“If you don’t let anyone in how can they help you? I see you try to do this lone savior act, and it’s selfish, Krista. You’re not actually going to fix anything if you go it alone.”

“You just don’t understand, Ymir. It’s better this way. If things just return to normal than it will be safe. Why can’t you just see that—”

“It won’t be normal, why can’t you see that? The danger is still going to be there and you’re still going to be scared, but I won’t be able to do anything about it.” This was such a stupid idea. Ymir sighed, maybe she was getting a little too upset by this. “I’m not going to forget, and I will help you with or without your permission.” These were just the facts.

Krista’s eyes shot lightening at Ymir. Ymir couldn’t help the smirk on her face, as much as she hadn’t want to make Krista angry, at least she knew this was a real emotion.

“I knew you were mad,” she laughed.

“Of course I’m mad,” Krista shouted. “You’re incorrigible and stubborn, and I wish you’d give up sometimes. You talked to Hanji behind my back, you gave Levi personal information without my permission, and god knows what you’re planning now,” she fumed. “You yelled at me for trying to save you, then you keep trying to do all this shit for me even when I ask you not to. I don’t get why you can’t just leave me alone. You’re going to get yourself hurt a-and I’d be…so” her voice got heavy. “So lost without you.” Krista put her head in her hands as she began to cry.  

Ymir sat up and pulled her chair close to the bed, and put her hand on Krista’s head, but the blonde shook her off, glaring at Ymir with tears in her eyes. “Why do you get to be the hero?” she bit.

“I ain’t no hero. And neither are you,” she answered gently, staring into those terribly stormy blue eyes.

Krista’s eyes flooded with tears that fell gently onto the soft blonde hair surrounding her face.

“And, if memory serves, I never told you not to save me. I told you to ask me before assuming shit. But you never asked if I needed help ‘til after, did you?”

Krista averted her gaze.

“So, I’ll go ahead n’ ask you: Krista, do you need help?”

Krista looked down at her hands, her hair falling in front of her eyes.

Ymir leaned over to push a lock of hair out of Krista’s face. “You never tell me what’s wrong even when I ask. That’s your choice,” she added firmly, cupping Krista’s cheek to try and catch those blue eyes again. They were still watery, but Krista smiled softly as Ymir wiped away a tear. “I am sorry that I’m a pain in your ass, but—” Ymir faltered, her heart beating fast in her chest. Her voice heavy, she continued. “I like every part of you I’ve seen, even the parts that make me angry. Hell, especially those parts.” Krista laughed lightly, putting her hand over the hand touching her face. “So, I want to fight this fight with you, but I guess until you’re ready, I have to fight for you.”

Krista hesitantly placed her hand over Ymir’s. Ymir’s heart felt like it was about to beat out of her chest, as Krista’s thumb rubbed her hand gently. But, just as Ymir’s face was beginning to feel warm, Krista smacked the back of Ymir’s head.

“You’re an idiot, Ymir,” she chastised, grabbing her pillow to attack Ymir. “An absolute idiot,” she smacked Ymir again. This time, Ymir crawled on the bed to grab another pillow for defense. “And you’re so stubborn,” she raised her pillow for another attack as Ymir Ymir laughed, holding a pillow up to her face.

“Are you trying to say I’m dumb,” she teased, peaking her head around the side of her make-shift shield.

“Yes. But. You’re. Not. Listening,” Krista giggled, emphasizing each word with a hit. Krista then pushed her pillow into Ymir’s chest, pinning her to the bed. Ymir looked up at the blonde, her hair falling around that soft face, as she felt the pressure on her chest.

Krista’s face became serious as she looked down at Ymir. “You’re going to get yourself hurt. But I know I can’t stop you. So, this is your last chance to back down,” she threatened. Ymir couldn’t help but love the way Krista sounded almost protective of her. She leaned her face closer to Krista’s. So close they might have touched.

“I can take care of myself.” Krista furrowed her brow and pursed her pursed her lips slightly. Ymir couldn’t help staring at those plump pink lips. She was so close now, their bodies nearly touching. Ymir licked her lips, and flicked her eyes to Krista’s. Krista had been looking down as well, but at Ymir’s flash of tongue, she leaned back slightly.

“What are you planning on doing?” she asked suspiciously.

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about this,” Ymir quipped.

“You’re a pain, Ymir,” she fumed, her blue eyes staring deep into Ymir’s, her face growing dangerously close to Ymir.

“I’m just doing what you asked,” Ymir teased, bringing her lips close to Krista’s ear. Ymir couldn’t help the smirk across her lips as her fingertips itched to grab the thighs straddled around her. She stared once again at those beautiful lips, feeling the charged energy between them as the gap seemed to close ever so slightly.

Krista seemed to notice her train of thought as she quickly removed herself from Ymir’s lap. Smoothing her hair down, she sat down on the edge of her bed, crossing her arms with a huff.

She was silent for a moment, as Ymir sat up and leaned against the wall, staring at Krista’s figure from behind, only a little ashamed. Krista was still visibly agitated.

“You’re right, I don’t want to talk about it.”

So Krista didn’t want to know what Ymir was going to do. It didn’t make any sense. If Krista really wanted to protect Ymir then wouldn’t she want to know? Krista had information that would likely keep Ymir from interfering at all. Or Krista could warn Ymir. If she was hiding for her own safety like Levi had said, she would need to know what risks Ymir was taking that could reveal her. Ymir couldn’t tell if Krista had too much faith in her that she’d blindly trust Ymir’s action or if Krista was secretly hoping she’d fail. Then again, perhaps this was just Krista being avoidant to the point of self-destruction.

“And they say I’m stubborn,” Ymir sighed to herself. “So that’s the pretending you want, huh?” Ymir felt hurt in a way, she hadn’t quite thought she could. What was it that drove Krista to keep this secret so guarded that she’d be willing to risk Ymir’s safety? It made Ymir feel _used._ “What else do you want from me, Krista?” she sighed, sounding more tired than she wanted.

“I-I…school and Hanji, and…” Krista paused. It seemed like even she didn’t know what she wanted.

“You’ve said all that,” Ymir reminded. “What do you want from _me_?” She sat herself next to Krista.

“You could stay the night if you want to,” Krista added almost shyly.

“So that hasn’t changed, huh?” she bit, angrily. As much as Ymir did want to be there for Krista, she was beginning to feel like a lap dog. Ymir could be patient and kind, but not when Krista was in danger. She was offended that all Krista wanted from her was for her to stay silent and stay. “You don’t want me to forget that?” she mocked. Krista was taken aback as if stung.

“No,” Krista insisted passionately. Krista turned to face Ymir with a determined expression. “I want to be different, Ymir. And I’m going to try.” Ymir looked into those golden eyes that glimmered with half hope, but she wasn’t so sure she could believe it. “But for now, at least, please understand that things have to seem normal…even with you.” Ymir couldn’t tell if Krista just meant about her past, or also meant about her relationship with Ymir.

“What exactly is ‘normal,’ huh?” Ymir complained. She was beginning to hate this phrase.

“It’s me going back to school and hanging out with friends, and being happy—normal.” Krista was beginning to put on that lazy smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Ymir could see right through it.

“Do normal girls share a bed with their grocery store co-workers?”

Krista stuttered out incoherent protests, shocked.

“You’re not normal, Krista.” Ymir pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. “How many times do we have to have this fight? I want to be—” Ymir stopped herself before she said _with you._ Of course she wanted to be with Krista, but Krista had of course always stated to be opposed. Ymir sighed. “But—” She wasn’t sure where she was going anymore. “I have to be honest with you, blondie. I’m not some super hero, I have limits. And I won’t live a lie.” Ymir couldn’t pretend to not know that Krista was running from her past, she wouldn’t pretend it was nothing. She’d always admitted that her life was shit, and was honest about who she was, but Krista, Krista seemed to always run from who she was and hide behind a mask. As much as Ymir was caught up with this girl, she could never let herself fall into those kind of lies, not anymore.

Krista was silent for a moment. Then she looked up at Ymir and spoke coldly, “I’ve only known lies.”

Ymir frowned. She shouldn’t have to live like that. Ymir’s anger seemed to melt away as she was filled with a strong need to protect the small girl before her. At the same time, she wanted to shake her with enough force so she could finally face herself. In the end she just sighed. “I’ve been a liar, and a cheat,” Ymir sighed. “And I’d do it again to save my skin.”

Krista looked up at her, her eyes full of curiosity. All this time they’d been friends, Krista had never about her past. Mikasa already knew and, hell even Sasha had caught wind that Ymir had had a troubled past and had asked. But Krista never said a word about it, just as she’d never asked about Ymir’s relationship with her mother.

Once again, Krista turned her face from Ymir and didn’t ask. Ymir’s heart sank, at the same time, she was nervous. Why wouldn’t she ask?

“I understand lying to the world. But I know who I am, and I know who to trust. Can you say the same?”

Krista frowned and tears welled in her eyes. “I’ll try,” she said resolutely, if a bit shaky. Ymir exhaled. Krista wasn’t good with promises. “I will,” Krista protested. She put her hands on Ymir’s shoulders firmly. “You’ll see. I just need you to—to lay off my past for a bit while Levi and I figure things out, but I’ll be honest with you about more things. I really will try,” Ymir huffed again. Like that was going to happen, she was contradicting herself. “I’ll do it because I want to, okay, and only when I want to. And Ymir with you I—” Krista put her hands back into her lap, glancing around at their positions sitting on her bed. “With you I do want to try.” Ymir couldn’t help the sad smirk on her face. Krista was so cute sitting in front of her like this goddess, this infuriating goddess who said things that made her feel important. “Can you just forget about my past for a little while? Just give me a little more time,” She whispered. And Ymir’s smile shattered. Of course Krista was going to keep falling back on her stupid secrets.

‘You know what? Yeah, blondie, I’ll pretend,” she sighed, disappointed. She put a smirk back on her face, but it was only for show. “For now, anyways.” Ymir stood up. She wasn’t going to let this argument circle around again and she was in no mood to compromise that night.

“Where are you going?” Krista asked, sounding almost worried. The sound pulled at Ymir’s heartstrings, but didn’t weaken her resolve.

“I’ve got to think about some things, blondie,” she admitted, hand behind her head.

“Are you mad at me?” she asked, hurt. Ymir looked over at the girl, still sitting on her knees on the bed. It took all she had in her not to return to her side. Ymir gently grabbed her chin.

“Not mad,” she said. _Disappointed._ Krista seemed to understand as her face fell. “I can lie to you, but tonight I’m a little tired,” she said using Krista’s line.

“Oh,” was all Krista said. Krista looked so small, defeated.

“Look” Ymir conceded, needing to not leave things so poorly. “Maybe some time apart isn’t so bad, you know? We could both use some perspective. And we’ll think about what we really want to do,” she said peering down at the golden haired girl. As much as it pained her to be away from Krista when she was so vulnerable, maybe she had been too wrapped up in her world that she couldn’t see clearly. Then she smirked, not liking how serious she’d sounded. “But, uh, call me in the morning, huh, darling?”

*          *          *

When Ymir finally walked out to her car, the sun was setting. The bright orange colors faded behind the campus buildings as a soft fall wind blew through her hair. It seemed so peaceful outside, but inside, her mind was racing. As soon as she got into the car she slammed her hands against the wheel. She figured Krista wouldn’t say much, but to ask Ymir to forget and act ‘normal’ was a surprise. Krista was all talk. She’d say she needed time, but then do nothing. Ymir had thought Krista was opening up—she’d cried in front of her, she’d let Ymir see the vulnerable sides of her in the aftermath of the phone call. But, shit, maybe Ymir’s head was too clouded by Krista’s beauty and vulnerability. Maybe Krista was playing her too, just making her feel good enough so that she wouldn’t leave Krista all alone, but never really caring for her. Ymir had always figured, hell, she was tough enough to power through whatever Krista wanted, because all the little signs were telling her differently than what Krista said. And now Krista had told her that she wanted to change. It made Ymir feel almost hopeful. But, there was still such a distance. In all likelihood, Ymir was probably nothing more than a comfort to Krista. Well, maybe not anymore. Krista wanted to be the savior, she wanted to be loved, but it was selfish and stupid. She was going to get herself hurt and she was hurting Ymir in the process.

Krista was a survivor, just like her. She was fighting for everyone to love her, Ymir had always seen that, but she’d gotten glimpses of the girl beneath who was frustrated and afraid of the world, who thought everyone was just using one another. Ymir had seen that too, and had chosen to live for herself, while Krista chose to live for others. She figured Krista was good at lying, at hiding. But Ymir was only good at fighting. Krista was pulling away little by little, and if she didn’t stop, it was going to be hard to Ymir to stick around.

Still, Ymir wasn’t going to give up on Krista because…because…because of that look in Krista’s eyes when Ymir stuck with her. Like Ymir was worth something, like her friendship was the only thing Krista needed. No one had ever looked at Ymir that way before. It made her feel…important. Like she wasn’t some high school dropout former drug dealer working two crappy jobs to earn enough money to pay for a shitty apartment with her mom, but also like she was _all_ of those things and it didn’t matter. Krista may never have asked about Ymir’s past, but she had to know something. Despite everything Ymir was, Krista did need her, and still wanted her. She lived for those moments with Krista because it was those moments that made Ymir want to try harder than she ever had before.

 *          *          *

Ymir woke up with a start as the sound of her phone ringing flooded the dark apartment. It was 5 in the morning and she still had twenty minutes to sleep. When she saw Krista’s name she answered immediately.

“Hey,” she sighed sleepily. Forcing her face out of her pillow to look at her room in the dark morning light.

“Ymir? I-Is it too early?” Krista asked tentatively.

“It’s fine, kitten, what’s up?” Ymir rolled over trying to will herself awake.

“H-how are you?” Krista sounded so uncertain. Ymir leaving must have really left a mark. Ymir felt slightly guilty, but at the same time, she was proud. She’d made her point.

“I’m doing okay,” she admitted. While she was certain she was going to continue to help Krista, she couldn’t lie that she was still feeling tired. Like a break was good to keep herself from having to live in Krista’s fake world. “You?” Ymir tried to picture where Krista was in her room. Did she have the light on? Was she in bed too?

“I’m good,” Krista said in a sigh. There was silence over the line. Ymir was still tiredly trying to picture Krista. She was probably in her pajamas at her desk, sitting the way she did when she was nervous with her knees up to her chest. Maybe she was nervously playing with the hem of her shirt.

At the same time the both spoke.

“Ymir, I—”

“Why’d you—”

Ymir laughed softly, “You first.”

“N-no, what I had to say wasn’t important.”

Ymir sighed. “Why’d you call so early, Krista?”

There was silence over the line for a moment. “I was thinking,” was all she said, but Ymir knew what it meant. Krista hadn’t slept much. Ymir could just see her tossing and turning, maybe getting up and sitting at her desk, just to avoid her dreams. “Where’d you stay last night?” she asked.

“At home,” Ymir said. The term sounding foreign on her tongue. She didn’t call it home very often.

“Oh.” Ymir half expected Krista to be excited or proud. She had been the one who wanted her to spend more time with her mom. But Krista seemed so different this time, so much less cheerful, almost more real. “How long is it going to be like this?” Krista blurted suddenly.

 “Like what?” Ymir asked.

“I missed you,” Krista admitted, sounding so raw, so hurt. Ymir’s heart softened as she gripped the phone tighter, wanting nothing more than to pull that girl into a hug and fix everything. “I don’t like that you’re mad at me, and I’m…I’m upset with you. I just want this to stop.”

Ymir couldn’t help the smirk on her face. This was a good start. “I like you,” smiled.

“Then why are you making things hard?” Krista asked, exasperated.

Ymir rolled over in bed. “It’s hard for me too.” She stretched out in bed, almost happy. Krista missed her, and she couldn’t help but be honest with Ymir now. Ymir’d gotten some of what she wanted.

“I know,” Krista sighed, sounding ashamed. “So, how much longer?” Ymir smiled, Krista was impatient.

Ymir stretched, yawning loudly, finally sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes to start her day. “I don’t know, a few days, just to sort things out. But maybe it won’t be that bad. You can start living your normal life like you wanted to and, well, I’d only make things difficult for you. You’ll hardly miss me.”

“And what about you?”

“What about me?” Ymir stood up, cracking her back, to start getting ready. “I’ve got to go to work.”

“Okay,” Krista said weakly. As an afterthought she added, “But you will come back?”

“Who wants to know?” Ymir smiled.

“Ymir,” Krista sighed. “H-hey about last night, I—”

“Last night?” Ymir asked, feigning ignorance. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. You must’ve studied too hard, college girl.”

“I—yeah,” Krista said, sounding down. There was silence over the line as Ymir felt the lie settle in.

“Well, blondie, I’ve really got to go.”

“Can I call you later?”

“I’d like that,” Ymir grinned.

Even if Ymir hadn’t gotten what she’d wanted, she could see the tides shifting. Krista wanted her back. Well she’d have to work for it. In the meantime, Ymir had some work to do too. She held out the small note reading 107C Gregson Lane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like arguments almost as much as Ymir does. Anyway, hope you all enjoy it. They're both trying very hard to make things work. Life is all about miscommunication.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I have never written a fanfic before, but I figured YumiKuri needed more love. If you want to make your dreams come true, you have to do it yourself. Please let me know what you think of my work!


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